..finding joy in this season of my life..

the other day i was contacted by someone in relief society, wanting to know if i'd be willing to speak at our annual relief society program. the topic: finding joy in this season of my life (as a young mother). while many would instinctually come up with any excuse possible to get out of speaking at such an event, it was strange how instinctual my desire was to say yes. maybe it's because i spend my days talking like a baby and singing praises on high when my toddler pees in his potty, but the opportunity to speak with, and in front of, adults was almost exciting to me! almost. we'll see how it goes tomorrow. ;)

before having kids i was a total perfectionist. clean, well-decorated house. cooked dinner often. always caught up on laundry. loved having people over for dinner and parties - a total entertainer. i was well-groomed, had perfect hair, looked cute in clothes. and while i like to think i'm still all those things at heart, my life (and my body!) looks a lot different these days!

if you were to show up at my house on any given day during this season of my life, i'll tell ya what you will find: coincidentally our front room (the living room) has become our playroom, so between the hours of 8 am and 8 pm, blocks, books, toys and pillows (since pillows are toys to 2-year-olds) cover the floor. i do pick them up when the kids go to bed at night, although i often wonder why i bother, since they're dumped all over the place first thing the next morning. it won't take long before you'll notice that my furniture needs to be dusted, my floors need to be vacuumed and mopped. the kitchen is my happy place, so i try to keep that somewhat clean, but i've given up on the appliances - stainless steel and toddlers' greasy paw-prints don't mesh. there is a constant layer of cheerios and goldfish underneath the kitchen table, and dried peanut butter and jelly glued to the table where finn sits.

if you look in my washer and dryer, 100% of the time you'll find clothes. don't ask me how long they've been there, although i can almost guarantee that the clothes have been washed and dried at least three times each.

when people stop by unannounced, my biggest fear is that they'll have to use the restroom. i hate cleaning bathrooms, and even before i had kids, i was really pretty bad at it. i clean it before a party, and after someone has had a big poo, and that is about it. occasionally when i'm feeling super productive, i'll give the toilet a good scrub, but honestly that probably happens like three times a year. part of the reason most of the reason i invite people over so much is so i'll be motivated to clean the bathroom. i'm really dead serious. #howgrossami?

we eat peanut butter and jelly (or honey if you're my one-year-old) sandwiches 5-6 days of the week, often for breakfast and lunch, since that's the only thing finn willingly eats. we eat pizza for dinner at least once a week, and go out another 1-2 times. the nights that we do eat in? macaroni and cheese, cheese quesadillas, tacos, spaghetti, occasionally soup/stew/chili are what's on the menu.

had you told me prior to having kids that this is what my life would be like, i honestly wouldn't have believed you. i was the person that told herself she'd never change her house to accommodate kids or make things easier on herself. for example, rather than removing the family heirloom that the toddler could break, i was just going to teach the toddler not to touch it. i didn't want my house to turn into a baby zone - swing, playmat, bouncer, jumper, highchair and toys galore strewn everywhere. i wasn't going to get rid of my tables and lamps, and all the things that made my house a cute and comfortable home. i was just going to teach my kids to live peacefully and respectfully in it.

well i lasted a whole four months, before one day looking around and realizing i was 100% the mom i said i wouldn't be! the swing, bouncer, playmat, jumper and highchair have adorned each room for months at a time, with both kids. our toy collection keeps getting bigger, despite our repeated attempts to get rid of and/or stop buying more, since again, 1600 square feet isn't big enough for everything. my coffee table lasted about 18 months, and i have decorated for christmas (stairway garlands, trees in multiple rooms) every year since having kids, so i'm kinda proud of that. however sam still tries to climb up my lamp and goes for the wallflower every chance he gets and no matter how many times i tell finn that the couch is not a trampoline, he still doesn't seem to get it. clearly, mom-0 kids-1,567,890,206. but who's keeping score? ;)

so, with all that being said, how am i finding joy in this season of my life, when my house is in a constant state of disaster and smells perpetually of poop??

one of my favorite quotes/sayings since having kids is:

"cooking and cleaning can wait 'til tomorrow
for children grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
so hush away cobwebs, dust go to sleep
i'm rocking my baby, for babies don't keep."

the answer is simple, really: i've accepted that this time of my life is simply a season, and a glorious one, at that. it is a time of life that i have looked forward to since i was a little girl. being a stay-at-home-mom and raising babies has been my dream since i can remember. sometimes i still have to pinch myself so that i know it's real. i mean seriously, how did i get so lucky? i'm doing what i love, with the people i love most in the world. it truly is a dream come true.

sure, there are days when i look around and wish that my house didn't always look like the tazmanian devil found his way inside. i wish i could stay caught up on laundry, cook healthy gourmet meals that everyone would graciously consume, take a shower and blow-dry my hair without hearing babies screaming (whether real or imagined). sometimes i think it would be nice to make a trip to the grocery store without buying a balloon (to keep the boys entertained) and mentos (a tried and true bribe to keep finn happy and obedient while stocking up on our weekly staples). of course all of this sounds lovely and amazing - but compared to the deal i'm getting now? heavens no. far and wide i'm in the thick of the good stuff. and i feel really, really lucky that i know that this is the good stuff, because i know many, many young moms who struggle, day in and day out, with this season of their lives.

social media has made life kinda difficult for young moms. probably for everyone, but especially for young moms. don't get me wrong, i love browsing facebook, instagram, blogs and pinterest, and although i hate to admit it, i spend way more time on those sites than i should. it is fun to keep up with friends you otherwise wouldn't, to get ideas on what to cook for dinner and how to get that nasty stain out of your white sofa. i especially love instagram - it is mostly just positive, happy pictures of happy people, doing things they love with people they love. most of the time it leaves me feeling uplifted, as opposed to facebook, which often leaves me infuriated and in a rage, but let's not get into that now. ;) as uplifting and encouraging and motivating as these sites can be, i think they often have a different effect, one that is not so positive. it's so easy to get caught up in reading about other peoples "picture perfect lives," that you can start to feel like you're doing something wrong. how does so-and-so have time to work out in the morning, make a 5-star breakfast, lunch and dinner for 8 kids, attend everyone's soccer/dance/piano recitals, run a business, make homemade christmas presents, take cookies to the entire neighborhood, run the pta, be the primary president and still have time to bathe, read to, and snuggle with her kids before 8 o'clock bedtime?! i mean for real - that's what most blogs and instagram depict, am i wrong? and then there's me, on the other hand, who feels accomplished if we all get dressed for the day and make it to the park for a half hour. ;)

for me, there are two things that keep me grounded, helping me find joy each and every day during this season of my life.

1) knowing my limits
2) prioritizing.

for some reason that i'll never know but always be eternally grateful for, this stay-at-home-mom business has always come pretty easy to me. i'm sure 99% of it is that i have angel children - seriously, they're pretty dang easy. maybe things will be extremely difficult as they get older, so heavenly father has made this part of the path smooth? i don't know. so far, i just have never felt like there was this huge adjustment. and perhaps it is because of that that i'm able to keep a good perspective on this season of my life, one that can get pretty redundant and boring and exhausting and exhilarating, all at the same time. since becoming a mom, i've never been the type to get caught up in comparing myself to others. i feel like i have a pretty great life, so i've never felt the need to envy what others have. and again, i feel eternally grateful to know that. i know myself, i know what i'm capable of, and i'm okay with it.

do i wish i could make a gourmet meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day of the week? absolutely! do i want to? heck no! i'd rather spend that time snuggling with my babes in bed, watching sesame street while they drink their bottles. do i wish my house was spotless every day, and presentable for the people that rarely stop in unannounced? absolutely! do i want to spend hours each day vacuuming, mopping, dusting and wiping down countertops? heavens no. i'd rather be making block-towers, driving cars all over the house, playing peek-a-boo and hide-n-seek, having tickle-fests and dance parties with the two little people who have my whole heart. do i wish my life could be a picture perfect magazine, one in which i always look good with my perfectly kept hair, manicured nails, flawless skin with the right amount of make-up, and where my kids are dressed to the nines, playing in their designer bedrooms, with their land of nod toys? honestly? no. because that is not real life. or it isn't mine anyway.

my real life is dressed in pajamas until noon, when we decide to go for a drive and get mom her "medicine" (pepsi) and possibly run into target or "mith's" (smith's) so that finn can push the kid-sized cart around. it is back in pajamas for nap time at 1 pm (with bottles, heaven forbid!) and when i say nap time, i don't mean just the kids. i never cook or clean during nap time, or do anything that resembles productivity (unless you count designing my future home on pinterest and getting caught up on the boys' blog/journal, which i rarely do - i mostly just sleep, online shop and watch ridiculous amounts of netflix). occasionally i'll change out of my pajamas before lance gets home, just so he doesn't think i'm totally worthless, and so maybe it will motivate me to get my lazy bum out of the house. but again, that's only occasionally.

i know my limits, and right now i'm capped out at feeding, dressing, and entertaining two kids, myself and my husband. cooking and cleaning can wait for tomorrow.

i've probably made myself sound pretty lazy and somewhat pathetic by now, and if i haven't, then i haven't succeeded in depicting myself accurately. haha just kidding. i don't think i'm pathetic because guess what? i'm happy. i'm loving this season of my life and finding joy in the journey and i think that first and foremost, that is what our heavenly father intended for us. my kids are seemingly healthy and mostly happy (although finn is two, so a lot of the time he isn't happy, but i don't think that is my fault?) , i've been a mom for 2 1/2 years and we've all survived this far so i'd say, i'm not doing too bad. if there is one thing i'm really good at, it is pampering myself. was it oprah that said something to the effect of "you can't take care of others unless you first take care of yourself"? well whoever said it, i totally agree with them. if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, and that's the truth. i feel grateful to have a husband who lets me get out to do my thing when i need some alone time, and let me tell you, i need my alone time. there's nothing quite like an unaccompanied trip to the mall or strolling the aisles of target without crying babies. an occasional pedicure and dinner with great girlfriends also help rejuvenate my soul. i still plan parties and invite people over for dinner. i decorate my house for christmas and put up with the broken ornaments - but only because that is what i love. these are the things that make me, well me, and i find no sense in sacrificing the things you love just because you have kids.

so if i had to give a morsel of advice to new moms, or old moms, or maybe not even moms at all but just people in general, i would say figure out what you're capable of, and just do what you love. do what you're good at and do what comes natural to you and you'll find joy in the journey, no matter what season of life you find yourself in.

xoxo