my dear finn,
today you turned four years old! what a bittersweet day it has been for your mama. mostly sweet, because i have absolutely loved watching you grow and learn these past four years, but a little bitter, because time is passing us by waaaaay too quickly for my liking.
over the past few days as i have reflected on the journey we have taken together since you came into this world, i can't help but beam with pride, just thinking about who you are and who you are becoming. you have been my angel baby golden boy from day one. never have i been engulfed in love-at-first-sight as i was with you, that beautiful april day four years ago. your arrival was one i had been looking forward to my whole entire life. there was nothing i have ever wanted more than to be a mom, and you, my sweet boy, made all those dreams come true for me. you were the perfect first baby, and set the standard high for your brothers. it is almost too overwhelming for me to reminisce on those first few days, weeks, and even the years that have gone by, because i am filled with so much love and gratitude for all the joy you have brought into my life. we certainly have made many wonderful memories together. i just have to tell myself that just as good or even better is yet to come.
you were the most easy-going baby i (and many others) had ever seen. that trait has carried on in some ways, but not in others. ;) you are pretty reasonable as long as you are not too emotional, which is a trait that is uncommon for most your age. for instance, one time you wanted so badly to play with an umbrella, but i did not want you to. so i simply explained that we only play with umbrellas when it is raining outside, and immediately you said "oh? only when it's raining? okay, next time it rains i want to play with the umbrella." haha it was rather remarkable and in some ways life-altering when i realized this about you. as long as i am quick on my toes and recognize ways to make you see reason, we are spared many tantrums and arguments. in this sense, i consider you easy going. however, you can also be extremely up-tight. if you are not in the mood to be tickled or chased, or kissed or whatever, you do not hesitate to let us know. you don't seem to be very playful, or i guess only under the right circumstances. i see a lot of myself in you, which terrifies me, but also gives me hope that i will be better equipped to understand you as the years go by.
you are fiercely loyal and one of the most protective big brothers i have ever seen, especially at such a young age. we have seen this trait in you from the very beginning, and it has grown stronger as you have grown in years. one of your nursery leaders from last year even told me that she had never seen such a protective big brother in all her years of teaching school and serving in the primary and nursery. what a wonderful complement! you and sam seem to butt heads quite a bit, but it is obvious how much you love and care about him. i think you two will have one of those relationships where you can pick on each other, but the second someone else tries to you will be at their side, defending them through and through. you are absolutely taken with baby gus, as he is with you. i don't think there is another person on the planet who gus adores more than you. you sit next to him in the car, and any time i have been back there or whenever grandma is sitting back there, we notice how gus just stares up at you with a big grin on his face. he loves you so much, and i hope you won't take that love for granted, but will nourish it as you both get older. i can't wait to see your relationships with both your brothers strengthen in the years to come.
you are very active and, for the most part, always like to be doing something. a few episodes of mickey mouse clubhouse will hold your interest, but beyond an hour or so, you can't sit still. you love to be outside, jumping on the trampoline, riding your scooter or bike, driving your jeep, blowing bubbles, playing with chalk, playing on your swingset, sliding down slides, playing with balls, running, skipping, rolling down hills, playing in dirt - you name it, and if its outdoors, you seem to love it. you love to go to the zoo and ride the train and carousel. you enjoy playing soccer, even if you haven't quite figured out exactly what you're supposed to be doing. ;) for the most part you love going grocery shopping at smith's or target, and you are usually up for a trip to the mall. and are pretty obedient and easy to walk around with while there.
you love preschool and have really grown and developed a lot, especially socially-speaking, the past 7 months you've been going. i see it so much in the way you interact with other kids, and even with sam. you have become so great at sharing and socializing with kids you don't know, which was a huge step. last year was a bit rough, in terms of being around other kids. you also love primary, and your teachers and leaders in the primary have expressed to me on many occasions that you are just the model kid. they all say that you are very respectful and obedient. you just sit in your seat and listen, unlike some of the other kids in your class (that is what they said!). they all seem to just adore you, and that makes my mama heart burst with pride.
you are very loving toward your mom and dad, and always ask to snuggle before nap and bedtime, even if just for "one minute." when one of us leaves to run an errand or just go anywhere really, you get very concerned and tell us "make sure to come back, okay?" whenever grandma or madison babysit, you have a difficult time going to sleep because you want to stay awake until we get home. i think it started when dad and i went on a weekend trip to nyc last year, and it seems to have intensified over time. we always do come back, and you know that, but i think that is part of the "worrier" in you. you are the same with your brothers - you always like to know that they are nearby. i love this about you, but it also makes my heart ache a little for you because i fear that you are going to be a worry-wart as you get older.
i was able to come visit you in preschool yesterday, which was such a nice treat for me! i brought a poster board that listed some of your favorite activities, foods/movies/etc, we sang happy birthday to you and then passed out treats to your class. you requested that i make baymax cupcakes, so that's what i did. when you saw me walk in the room, you lit up with pride and excitement, but no one would have known but me. you didn't wave or acknowledge i was there with more than a wide-eyed glance and a small grin, because it was story-time and you didn't want to be disruptive. that is so characteristic of you and i loved witnessing it. miss nikole wasn't there that day, but miss tammy told me that you are a such a great friend, which was so nice to hear, but not at all surprising. you are always wanting to take care of others and make sure that everyone is ok.
we went to dinner at the spaghetti factory last night for your birthday dinner (since your party was on your actual birthday) and when they brought out your ice cream with a candle and sang happy birthday to you, i saw the same quiet excitement in you that i saw when i came to your preschool class. you just lit up, but it might not have been noticeable to others. you don't tend to carry many emotions on your sleeve, but as your mom i can see how excited you get inside.
today has been such a great day, from beginning to end. when you woke up and came downstairs, you saw the "happy birthday" banner and balloons and asked if they were for you. you asked to see your cake right away, and seemed pleased with the outcome of it. we met grandma for breakfast at the original pancake house then afterward you went with grandma to the zoo, then to pick out a present at toys r us. when you got home, you played with your toys and watched/helped me get ready for your party. come party time, you simply couldn't wait to open all your presents, but resisted the urge and played with your friends until it was time. you beamed again as we all sang happy birthday to you and watched you blow out your candles. after most everyone had gone home, me and dad gave you your last gift - the planes bike you had been asking for. you spent the rest of the night riding around in the kitchen, and got the hang of this new bike-with-pedals concept rather quickly. you fell asleep on the couch in my arms, that is how exhausted you were! it was a great day, filled with so many people who you love so much, and in turn who love you. i absolutely loved getting to celebrate my baby boy who i adore so much.
and although it makes me sad that the years are passing us by so quickly, i'm so grateful to have you as my guinea pig. i make so many mistakes as a mom, day in and day out, but you are so forgiving and patient with me. there has never been a doubt in my mind that you were meant to be the biggest brother, my first baby, and my best friend. i'm so thankful to be on this journey with you, and can't wait to watch you grow in the years to come. i'll never be able to thank my heavenly father enough for the gift that you are to this family and especially to me. you have changed my life, dear baby finn, more than you'll ever know.
happy 4th birthday to you, my number 1 man.
love,
mom
