..five months..

my dear baby gus-gus,

i can't believe you are five months old! my oh my, how these last five months have flown by. it always happens way too fast, and it is something i'll never get used to, no matter how many times i do this. i just love my baby babies so so much, and it is always so heart-breaking to see time slip between our fingers so quickly.

one thing that is actually kind of good, is you are still just a tiny little thing, so it makes you feel more like a little baby. sometimes i worry because you're not growing super fast, like your others did, but you seem to be on-track developmentally, so i guess i will just enjoy you being so little. you sure are the cutest thing on the planet. i am serious, i often find myself looking at you, thinking to myself, "you are the cutest baby i have ever seen! like seriously!" you really are so handsome and adorable, and sometimes i can't even believe you're mine.

this past month was not too bad at all, which was somewhat surprising because it is the middle of winter. it doesn't really feel that way outside though, which is perhaps why it wasn't so bad. ;) we've all been pretty healthy (knock on wood) until you caught some sort of virus the very end of january.

it just so happened to be the same day dad was leaving to go on a snowmobile trip with some of the guys he works with, which was a total bummer. luckily we have the best grandma who came down to keep us company while dad was gone, and let's just say thank goodness she did come down. you woke up friday morning (the 30th) very hoarse. your voice was disappearing and when you cried it was even sadder than normal. well as the day went on, you didn't seem to be getting any worse, but you weren't getting any better either. that night, we were out running errands and you started wheezing and sounding like you were struggling to breath. i was getting so nervous, so we drove to instacare and had you checked out. grandma took your big brothers to get some food and then hung out at home with them while we were still at the doctor's, which was such a blessing because nothing grosses me out more than instacare! so many germs.

anyway, because you are so little they came out with the device that checks your oxygen levels right away, and the good news was your stats and o2 levels were totally fine. we waited for over an hour to see the doctor, and her diagnosis was "it's something viral." she said it was mostly in your head but would likely move down to your chest and that is when we'd really need to watch you closely. you had a rough few nights/days of sleep (meaning neither of us got any!) but i prayed so hard that you wouldn't get any sicker, and guess what? you really didn't. i'm so thankful for the power of prayer. on sunday night we borrowed a humidifier from the clayton's and that really seemed to help you out a lot and really you got better within a few days after. fingers crossed you stay healthy!

a few things i want to remember about you at this age:
- you are finally on somewhat of a schedule, taking 2-3 naps a day and going to bed at 8. you're waking up time has been all over the freakin place! as of just the past few days, you've been sleeping until 7-7:30. praise the heavens on high! ;)
- i started supplementing you with formula, and you seem much more content and satisfied. you get between 6-8 ounces a day, 2-4 before your nap at 1:00 and 4 oz before bedtime.
- you started rolling! you rolled from your back to your tummy on january 20, and from your tummy to your back on the 21st. you screamed every time it happened for a few days, and still aren't really a fan of it.
- you giggled while watching duke the other day. you've noticed the dogs for a while now, but that was the first time i really noticed you reacting to them. it was super cute!
- love finn and all the attention he gives you. occasionally you'll cry when he gets too close for comfort, but for the most part you love when he entertains you.
- you have a love/hate relationship with sam. sometimes you'll tolerate him, other times you cry the second you see him coming. it's pretty funny and reminds me so much of how sam used to be with finn.
- we moved you into your room! hopefully this time it lasts. i think it will because you have totally outgrown your rock-n-play thing. i loved loved loved having you by my bedside more than i ever thought i would, but you have been sleeping much better upstairs. probably because it is quieter and you're more comfortable in your crib.
- you've outgrown the swaddle and are now sleeping in one of those zip-up blanket things. it's weird and i never used one with finn or sam, but you didn't like sleeping in just pajamas so this has worked fine. a couple days ago i woke up, checked the monitor and you were no where to be seen! panicking, i asked dad where you were, thinking maybe he heard you cry and got you? he had no idea either. so i ran upstairs as fast as i could, and you had just rolled out of the camera's view. but that also freaked me out because you were swaddled and what if you rolled and couldn't roll back? man, i just am so paranoid. anyway, you have been un-swaddled ever since and it actually hasn't been too rough of a transition. thankfully.
-you are sitting better in the bumbo every day, are still loving your playmat, and like the swing okay for a few minutes at a time. you still don't love being in your carseat unless we are moving.
-still wearing some 0-3 and also some 3-6 month clothing and we moved you to size 3 diapers this month.

well mr gus, you are just my absolute favorite. i have loved every minute so far of being your mommy and hope that you'll continue to grow and develop on track. you are such a sweet, easy-going little guy, and are just a joy to be around.

i could eat you up i love you so!

love,
mom

..night & day..

it's so interesting how two kids who share the same dna can be so totally opposite. we are talking night and day, people. in some ways i feel like no matter how many kids you have, being a mom never gets any easier - you never truly get a grip on things - because you have to be a different parent for each child. and i'm only talking about 2 of my 3 here, and they are ages two and three! haha i can't imagine how much harder it's going to get as they grow.

as challenging as it sometimes all the time is, i love how different finn and sam are. they keep me on my toes and sure make life fun and interesting, which is great, because how boring would it be if all our kids were carbon copies of one another?

finn loves to be naked - we are talking takes his clothes off the second we get home and refuses to put them on unless absolutely necessary. sam hates, hates, to be naked. if he has to get undressed for any reason - getting in the tub or changing out of dirty clothes, for instance - he goes into full-blow meltdown mode unless we put clothes back on immediately!

finn sleeps in only bottoms (pj pants, sweats or shorts) and will cry and scream for you to come take his shirt off if, heaven forbid, you forget. sam sleeps in shorts and a shirt, and will cry and scream for you if you forget to put one on him. what is so interesting, though, is that finn is cold-blooded, like me, and sam is warm-blooded, like lance. you would think, based on their body temperatures, that finn would prefer to be fully-clothed at all times and sam would prefer to be naked, but alas it is not so.

finn is a clean-freak. he doesn't make much of a mess when eating, and if he does, cleans it up as he goes (or makes you). he doesn't like food on his face or crumbs on his clothes and whines and whimpers if he gets messy and you don't help him clean it right away. sam has a gift for making messes where you did not know messes could be made. he requires a bath after almost every meal (or a good scrubbing with a washcloth and soap) and make sure to keep the vacuum near by (or plugged in at all times, for that matter) because you will need it if sam is eating anything! by far one of my biggest struggles as a parent has been being okay with sam's messes.

finn has the appetite of a baby bird. he will occasionally eat a bowl of cereal or some yogurt for breakfast, always asks for three scoops of peanut butter at lunch and we basically have to bribe, threaten and/or sell our soul to the devil to get him to take three bites of whatever we are eating for dinner. he loves sweets, however, and you'll constantly hear him say "but i NEED that cookie, i'm SO hungry." i'm actually worried he will develop sugar diabetes because of how much he loves sugar. sam, on the other hand, will eat three bowls of cereal for breakfast and ask for more. 8 chicken nuggets and some french fries for lunch. and could probably eat an entire steak if we cooked him one for dinner. he can eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese by himself, and will down milk like its nobody's business. with sam, i worry about obesity and often wonder "at what point do we cut him off?"

finn, at almost four years old, still asks for naps and will sleep for a good 2 1/2 - 3 hours. he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 8-8:30am. Sam probably naps 3 days a week for 1 1/2 - 2 hours at most, and goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 7:30-8am.

if finn gets hurt, plan on holding him in your arms, consoling him and kissing his ouchies better. he is sort of a baby. ;) if sam gets hurt, 8 times out of 10 he gets right back up and shakes it off as if nothing happened. he doesn't tolerate finn bullying him, so we do hear sam whining and crying much of the time, but if he hurts himself he is tough as nails. i always say that finn has his dad's pain tolerance and sam has his mom's. ;)

finn tends to be the sweeter child and sam tends to be my feisty one, but finn can be super feisty and sam can be super sweet. they are both equal parts sensitive, equal parts stubborn. they both know what they want and heaven have mercy on anyone who gets in the way of that (can't imagine where they get that from, definitely not from lance or me! ;)).

i have loved watching them grow and it is definitely interesting watching them become friends. they say that opposites attract, and i can only hope that rings true in their case because they are opposite as opposite can be. i can't wait to see how sweet little gus fits into the mix. i'm hoping he is 75% finn 25% sam, because i'm not sure i could handle 1.5 sam's running around! just kidding. whatever he ends up being like, or whoever, i know we will absolutely love it, and it will be so fun watching these brothers become friends.

..the little things..

fruit in the fruit bowl. lamplight in the evening. made beds. organized closets. when i'm caught up on laundry (pretty much never, but awesome when it happens). the sound of the dishwasher at night. gently falling snow when i have nowhere to be. the sound of finn and sam laughing while playing together. the look on gus' face when finn talks to him. claus following me everywhere all day. watching duke come through the doggy door with no hesitation or encouragement from us. hearing finn name all his friends at preschool. the "good morning" i get from finn when he wakes up each day. silence coming from sam's room during nap time. gus' coos. talking to gus and hearing him talk to finn and sam. clean floors. uninterrupted showers/getting ready in the morning (again, pretty much never but awesome when it happens). fresh flowers. party decorations. no line at fiiz. food in the fridge and pantry. paying with cash. target-trips with minimal melt-downs. snuggles with any of my babies. singing songs with sam before bedtime. "how 'bout just one more hugs and kisses?" from finn. the look on sam's face and hearing him say, "ma bunny!" when we find it after it has been missing.

our day-to-day life is so un-extraordinary. there is probably nothing special or magical about it if you're on the outside looking in. but as each day passes, and i sit and wonder where the heck time has gone, i can't help but think it is these very simple, un-eventful days of our lives that i'm going to long for in the years to come. tears fill my eyes as i think about how blessed i am, and how grateful i truly am for all of it. i know i need to show it better. love more. serve more. be there for those in need more. i want to make it a point to live with no regrets. i know mistakes will be made along the way and that disappointment, heartache and pain are part of the deal we signed on for when we came to this earth. but may we love without limits and give all of ourselves to this life and those around us, because really that is all that it's about.

..adios, janvier..

pretty sure i just mixed spanish & french in that title right there, but oh well! ;) i am pleased to report that we survived january. what is it about january, people??! i swear, i dread the crap out of it every single year. it is such a long, boring, dreary, cold, depressing month. perhaps i make it such with my attitude, but my whole life january has always felt that way.

this january wasn't bad though, not even in the slightest! the inversion didn't seem as terrible as usual, which meant cleaner air and warmer days. there were quite a few days that felt more like march, actually! i loved it. lance hated it. there hasn't been much snow for the poor guy to go snowmobiling in, but i haven't minded one bit. haha. maybe because last january really was the worst ever - never ever ever be in your first trimester of pregnancy during january...if you can help it. barf! literally and figuratively. last january was bad. but this january was good. maybe its because of my sweet little babe who just brings such joy to my life that i can't help but eat him up every single time i'm holding him? maybe it's because finn and sam are starting to get along and play nicely with each other, for more than 2 minutes at a time? maybe the routine we have in preschool on tuesdays and thursdays, forcing us to get out of the house helped? maybe all the playdates with friends far and wide? or the many girls nights i've been fortunate enough to attend? i don't have all the answers, but i'm sure it was a combination of all of these that helped make this january a good one. also probably the fact that we honestly weren't sick the entire month, until the very last two days when my sweet baby gus came down with a cold. how does a baby get a cold and his two older brother's don't?! despite that little bump in the road, our january was great, and i hope in the future i will remember to adjust my attitude, rather than just letting january be bad.

i have become friends with some girls on my street and it has been an answer to many prayers. in some ways, i feel like i have been waiting for them my whole life. like there was a void, and it is being filled. at times i tend to feel like i don't have any friends. i don't mean that in a self-pity sort of way. just in a that's-just-how-i-am sort of way. i've never been one to need tons of friends. after talking with lance the other day, though, i realized that i really do have a lot of friends. i don't know why, but ever since everything happened with alicia last fall, i've felt really insecure about myself, like there must be something wrong with me? after i hang out with anyone, i always find myself replaying conversations in my head, wishing i hadn't made that joke or been sarcastic or said that or did that or yada yada yada. what if people don't like me and what if i'm a bad person and mean and rude and i just don't know it?? lance encouraged me to just be myself and to not let an insecure, hyper-sensitive person change who i am, because i do have lots of friends and people do like me. what would we do without our husbands?! i really need to hear that and after a lot of reflection i realized he was right. i have friends all over. i've got childhood friends, and college friends, and mommy friends and woods cross friends and i'm making stone creek friends. and none of them are just Facebook, they're actual friends who i text and see often.

my new friends though, feel like friends who heavenly father placed in my path for a purpose. and i suppose all friends are that way, but something just feels different about these girls. maybe it's because we all just built houses, probably with the intention of living here for a while, so it feels like they aren't going anywhere? maybe i've always longed for friends like my mom has - ladies she has known since i was just a wee one - who have all been there for each other for 20+ years? maybe it's because we have a lot in common and just click? or maybe i am just over-thinking it? haha but when i am with these girls i see us going on girls trips and couples trips and family trips. i see lots of dinners and playdates and lunches and girls nights in our future. lots of random parties and get-togethers and shopping trips and late-night runs to fiiz and dairy queen. i feel like these are my girls, the ones i have been waiting for forever. i probably sound way desperate and crazy, like i've been on one date and am already planning my wedding? haha but that is how i feel. i love these girls and have had so much fun hanging out with them, just talking and getting to know one another. it is so refreshing and easy, and i've just loved it.

i deleted Facebook from my phone the other day. not my account, just the app. i've really noticed myself becoming a paranoid wreck lately. i see all these posts and articles about the most horrific things, and i lie awake at night a worried mess. i do feel it is important to develop empathy and be there for people in their darkest hours, and i hope to be that for people i actually know and am close to. but some of these stories i was hearing about were getting in the way of my day-to-day functioning haha and i realized it's not worth it. Facebook tends to feel more negative than uplifting much of the time and i just needed a change. so we will see how long it lasts! i keep trying to talk myself into deleting instagram as well, but i just can't do it. i use instagram to document our lives, and for that reason it would be hard for me to let it go. there have been times when i've been caught up in comparing myself to others through instagram. times when i probably spend too much time looking through other peoples photos. but it really is so much more uplifting than Facebook and has been a great and easy way to document our weeks and months throughout the year. i don't have much of a problem with pinterest or any other form of social media, so for now, Facebook is the only one to go.

i had a really bad feeling about this year. maybe that's the paranoia in me, but it just felt like this looming cloud was hanging out over me as 2014 ended and 2015 began. like i am so scared of what is in my future. i am trying to just live each day one at a time and to be grateful for all the good in that day. for the sweet snuggles i get from my boys. for the days lance gets home from work a little earlier than usual. for monday's because it means bachelor night, and tuesday because it means pretty little liars is on, and thursday's because my shows are finally back on (grey's anatomy, scandal and how to get away with murder). okay maybe i have a problem if my days revolve around tv shows?! ;) side note, i didn't get addicted to any new tv shows this january, as has been the case in previous years! i just watched scandal episodes over and over again. haha. um anyway, for nap time because i get a little break. for 5:30 am, as early as it comes, because i get to just snuggle my sweetest baby in those wee hours of the morning when all is still and be so so grateful for the opportunity i have to raise these precious children of god.

i am trying to just go with the flow, to let go of expectations and take each day as it comes. this has meant not rushing our mornings (except preschool on tuesdays and thursdays) and being okay if nap time starts a little later than normal. i'm trying to be more patient, and to realize that my kids are only little for a very short amount of time. so what if it takes finn forever to get seated in his carseat? so what if the playroom is a mess 100% of the time? so what if my bathrooms are dirty and my floors haven't been mopped and vacuumed and i haven't made an actual meal in who knows how long? i am trying to just relish and bask in this time of my life and in all that it entails. i pick up the toys and throw them (with my eyes closed!) into the playroom at the end of each night. i have been singing songs to sam as we snuggle before bed each night and practicing the piano a few minutes each day. i have made it a point to go grocery shopping every monday morning so that i can tackle the week head-on and feel like i am in control of something and have been making my bed every day because i just feel better about life when i do. i still go to fiiz twice a day for pepsi and ice water, but feel that at some point in the near future i need to stop. i want to start exercising and eating healthier so that i can live to see my grandchildren. i have been so so good about sticking to my budget and not asking lance for more money so i can buy that thing i want for the house. my house isn't decorated for valentines and it's okay. i still have a print in one of my frames from christmas and that's okay too. the pantry isn't super organized yet and neither are the cupboards. we leave food in the fridge for way longer than intended and waste food more often than i wished we did. i wash and dry the clothes at least two times per load, every single freakin time and for the life of me can't decide what to do on the walls in finn, sam or gus's rooms. but life is good. i have been finding so much joy in the simplicity and in being okay with how life is at this very moment. the other day finn said to me, "you don't go to work like dad does?" to which i replied, "i work at home, with you and sam and gus!" and he said, "you do? you work wif us?" they are my job. they are my #1 priority and i am trying harder to just let go of all the rest.

so here's to february. to staying in on the days we don't have to be anywhere. to yelling less and hugging more. to creating an atmosphere of love and safety in our home. to enjoying my days with my precious children, to nagging lance less and letting go of the things that annoy me. to telling those i love that i love them. to traditions, new and old. and to just living life one day at a time.

adios, janvier. bienvenue, fevrier!

..4 months..

my dearest gus,

today you are 4 months old. four months old. i could pour my heart out about how sad this makes me, but i'll spare you the dramatics and just say wow, time flies and yes, it breaks my heart. i wish you could stay a baby forever. i really am so serious.

from the day you came into this world, you have had your mama wrapped around your tiny finger. tears fill my eyes as i look back on the past four months, and think of all the love and light your presence has brought to our home. you are such a ray of sunshine, my sweet sweet boy. what did we ever do without you?

people had me worried about baby #3. the game changer and the big adjustment. that is what everyone said you'd be. i prepared myself for a bumpy ride but it has not been that way at all. as with each baby that joins our family, changes are made to accommodate the newest addition. schedules are moved around, sleep becomes a thing of the past, as does any time for myself. but the sacrifices made pale in comparison to the added measure of love you bring.

as a young girl, i always looked forward to this time in my life. when i would be a young wife and mother, spending my days taking care of babies and raising children. i always assumed it would be the happiest time of my life. and as i sit here, thinking about the happiness you and your brothers bring me, the reality of this time in my life far outweighs those adolescent dreams. i mean, how lucky am i, that all my dreams have come true beyond every expectation?

don't get me wrong, i am usually at my wits end by bedtime every day. i yell way more than i wish i did and on the worst of days i am ready to commit myself to a mental institution. either that or ship your brothers off to a traveling circus. dad said that every time i call him, i spend more time saying "stop that! be quiet! keep your hands to yourself! stop crying! ugghhhhh they are driving me craaaazzzy!" than i do actually talking to him. but in the quiet moments that come and go all too quickly, the spirit calms my heart and reminds me that this is a time in my life that i'll be longing to relive years from now. you are only a baby for a short time, so i am doing all i can to cherish this precious time.

it is no secret to anyone how much i love you. you are the sweetest baby. so good-natured and easy going. when people come over, almost all of them say, "is he always this good?" as long as you aren't too tired or too hungry you are happy as a clam. you remind me so much of finn in that way. you smile at anyone who smiles at you. that reminds me of your big brother sam. you are a mamas boy through and through, and nothing makes me happier. i have always wanted one of those!

at four months old you.....
-sit up well in your bumbo
-laugh when tickled
-nurse every 1.5-2 hours (it's a lucky day if we make it 3) but you are so fast. done in 5 minutes.
-took a bottle like a champ. i have nursed you exclusively your whole life - you had one bottle back in october and another one mid-december and that's it. but lately you've seemed so small to me, and you have been fussier than normal,  and never seem satisfied after nursing, which leads me to wonder if you are hungry? so i made you a bottle of formula, just sure you wouldn't take it, especially if i was the one feeding you. but you guzzled it.
-still aren't on a great schedule. getting sick + the holidays + the 4 month sleep regression totally threw you off and we are still trying to figure things out. last night you slept 11 hours but that was the first time in weeks! hopefully we can get things figured out soon.
-are somewhat terrified of sam, but when he is being soft and gentle you love him.
-looooove finn. you just sit and smile and talk to him and it makes my mama heart so happy.
-moved from your rocker by my bedside, to your rocker in my closet, and finally to your crib in your very own room. this was very bittersweet for me, and most nights i long to have you back at my bedside. but none of us were sleeping very well - you were waking up more often than you had been, and i think it's because as you're getting older, you can't block out the sound as well. so even when we were being as quiet as we could be, you'd still wake up ready to party. you have done pretty well in your own room, so that's great. but i do miss you being so close to me at all hours of the day.
-have strong legs, and can stand (while we are holding your hands, of course) for minutes at a time.
-blow lots of bubbles and suck your pointer & middle finger when your binki isn't near by.
-have a firm grip.
-don't love your carseat. you've been the first of my babies that won't sleep in the carseat for hours at a time. this is somewhat of a challenge since we are in and out of the house so much.
-don't love church. haha it is the only time of the week that you get pretty fussy.
-are getting close to rolling from your back to your stomach.
-don't like tummy time.
-like to be swaddled suuuuuuper tight and definitely seem to sleep best that way.

at your doctor appointment today we found out that you are just a tiny little baby, but you are healthy and despite your small size, you are growing beautifully.

weight: 12 lbs 6 oz - 8th percentile

height: 25 inches - 55th percentile

head circ.: i forgot :)

i know most moms say that each and every stage is so fun, and while i agree with that, i still just wish you could stay my baby. you have been my little tag-along from the beginning, and i have loved all the one-on-one time we spend together while your crazy brothers are hanging with dad. i will admit that i am excited to watch your relationships with them strengthen as you get bigger. it is my sincerest hope that you three will grow to be the best of friends. nothing would make me happier. but i also hope that you will always keep a special place in your heart for me, your mama who loves you more than you could ever possible know.

i could eat you up i love you so!

love,
mom

..2014: year in review..

i am flooded with all sorts of memories and emotions as i look back on 2014. i remember this day one year ago, feeling giddy and excited as i sat and wondered what 2014 would have in store for our little family. as we were making preparations to build/buy a home, and having just found out a week prior that i was pregnant with baby #3, i felt the upcoming year would be a memorable one. filled with many exciting opportunities, blessings and some challenges, this past year is one i will always look back on with fond memories.

in chronological order, i present to you our top 14 of 2014:

1) on february 11th i had my first prenatal doctor appointment and found out that baby #3 was healthy and growing right on track. that first appointment is always a nerve-wracking one. you spend those first weeks pregnant with no actual proof, other than that dreaded morning sickness, that a baby is alive in there. i feel very fortunate that i've been able to hear the heartbeat at each first visit, this time being no exception. beyond hearing the heartbeat, i also got a glimpse of my little babe with an ultrasound, and as is always the case, it was love at first sight. what a gift and amazing opportunity it is to grow a human inside you! i feel truly blessed that i've experienced it three times, and hope there is at least one (or two!) more in heaven waiting to come down. 

2) on february 24th i went to fetal studio and found out that baby #3 was another boy! i can't say i was too surprised - i've always had a feeling we will have all boys. notwithstanding the initial feeling of disappointment (i don't feel guilty admitting that anymore because i'm more obsessed with gus than with any other baby ever!) i quickly became excited at the thought of more snips, snails and puppy dog tails. we sure love our boys, we know how to do boys, we have all the things we need for boys, and as has been the case with many other things in my life, i could very clearly see the lord's hand in this. as we were preparing to sign off on the plans to build our house, i don't think we would have been able to afford a girl. haha and let's be honest, with the way i like to shop and dress my kids, we probably never will! :) 

3) in march, lance and i went on a weekend getaway to new york city to visit his sister, wendy, and her family. my mom was kind and brave enough to stay home with our crazy children, which let's just say - thank goodness! i don't think i'll ever dare take anyone younger than the age of 12 to nyc! i had never been to new york in the winter before, and lance and i definitely weren't prepared for the bone-chilling temps. it's a good thing i packed my north face coat at the last minute, because i wouldn't have survived without it. despite the freezing weather, we had so much fun visiting with the liechty's, seeing the sights and eating delicious food, and hope to make it back sometime in the not-too-distant future. we'll make sure to go in the spring, summer or fall though. ;)

4) on march 27th we got the highly anticipated call from derek (henry walker's realtor) that our house plans had been approved by the city and they were going to dig our hole on march 29th! what an exciting day that was. never in my life would i have anticipated feeling giddy at the sight of a tractor and a ton of dirt, but i proved myself wrong that day. our dreams of building a home finally felt like a reality and the sleepless nights we had spent the previous 2 months, wondering if it would all pan out,  finally felt worth it. 

5) finn turned THREE years old on april 10. how do i have a three-year-old?! sometimes it just doesn't even feel real. because i was pregnant and nauseous and in the throes of building a house, i opted to have his birthday party at chuck-e-cheeses, rather than doing it at home. i felt a little guilty, because i've always loved planning and prepping for birthday parties, but this route was so much easier and for the most part, stress-free! we ate pizza, played games, opened presents and ended the night with donuts - i was too lazy to even make a cake! finn didn't seem to mind, though. ;) in fact, i think he liked it better, and i really enjoyed not having to clean up after. 

6) in may we took a little family vacation to california to visit lance's other sister, tiffany, and her family. we flew into oakland, and spent a day at their home in danville, before heading down to monterey where we rented a beach house. in theory it sounded like it would be a great vacation, but learned the hard way that the reality of it all would be much different. long story short - we lived in a glass box for three days, with basically nothing toddler friendly. i felt like i spent the entire time saying "finn don't do that! sam don't touch!" sliding glass doors, a glass kitchen table, a glass coffee table, a glass entertainment center and bookcase. glass on glass on glass. the weekend ended with finn burning holes in the white carpet with a blowdryer that lance had left him alone with. lance then tried to "fix" it by patching the burned carpet with carpet from under one of the beds. long story short, it didn't work and the homeowner billed us $4,000 (for 700 sqft of carpet!) and made us pay her that same day. she was seriously psycho and looking back i wish we had handled the situation differently. i mean, isn't there renters insurance for a reason?! nevertheless, c'est la vie and good riddance! it will be a looooong time before we go back to the bay area, though! like, until our kids are grown and responsible for themselves because it seems like every time we go there, something goes wrong (train accident of 2011 & then this). it was still fun to be with the chesnos' and watch finn and sam play with jett. we sure wish both of lance's sisters lived closer!

7) my little brother accomplished his lifelong dream of becoming a professional golfer when he turned pro in april of this year. after playing on the latin america pga tour for a couple months, he hit it big when he not only qualified to play in the us open, but made the cut and finished in the top 40. it was so much fun watching him on tv, and i'll forever cherish the memory i have of watching him and my dad walk up the 18th fairway together on sunday - father's day - and shake hands after zac completed his final putt of the tournament. his career has really taken off since - after finishing second in the web.com championship, he earned his pga tour card and has been on the road non-stop, chasing his dreams. we've had so much fun watching "uncle zac" on tv, and my mom, gus and i even made it down to vegas in october to watch him play a few holes. it has been so amazing to see all his hard work pay off, and i look forward to cheering him on in the months and years to come.

8) july and august were a whirlwind (the whole year was, really) but they'll go down in the books as some of the best! we closed on our house on july 10th, got the keys on the 11th and wasted no time moving things over and getting settled. our plan was to move the small stuff over gradually, as we didn't have to be out of our woods cross house until july 31st, and then have one or two "big" move-days, where we'd rent a u-haul and take over all the big stuff. i honestly don't know what we would have done without our family and friends, who helped us out more than we ever dreamed possible. i'll blame it on pregnancy, but i was seriously worthless when it came to packing and moving. so lazy and so dreading the entire process. my mom did most of my packing, and took care of finn and sam most of the month. our friends from the neighborhood and ward helped us with the big stuff on the 19th and lance's dad, wendy, devin, dana and her boyfriend moved all our crap from the crawl space on the 28th. somehow in the midst of all the chaos, we still managed to celebrate my birthday (think pepsi & swig sugar cookies - lots of them!) and pioneer day. the fair that bountiful city puts on was so much fun and something i hope will become a tradition of ours. finn also took swimming lessons the entire summer, and it was so amazing watching how comfortable he became in the water. we spent most of our days unpacking, organizing, shopping, decorating and getting settled in our new home! what an incredible feeling it was to finally be moved in. and although we still miss our friends and our old ward, this house felt like home in no time at all. 

9) as is the case every year, friendunion 2014 was a definite highlight. this year's reunion was in bear lake, which brought back all sorts of fun memories, since we used to go up to jenny's cabin up there when we were dating and first married. it is amazing how much our group has grown in just a few short years! at the time of friendunion, the adults still out-numbered the kids, but by year's end, three babies have joined us, thus the kids will forever hold the lead. we spent four days lounging, eating, playing games, eating, playing at the beach, riding wave-runners and boats, building sandcastles and playing in the sand, eating, sleeping, and eating. it is always so fun to catch up with everyone, and honestly, no matter where we go, the best part of friendunion every year is just being together. i love that our kids are growing up together and hope that they will be just as good of friends as the adults are. 

10) september was another incredible month, with one of the reasons being that our little finnjamin reached two monumental milestones - the start of preschool and the beginning of his days as a soccer player! both things i have looked forward to since finding out i'd be a mother all those years ago. he was so brave on his first day of preschool, and i don't know that i've ever beamed with such pride. i was just sure i wouldn't shed any tears, but true to form, i started bawling like a baby while we waited in the drop-off line. my first little baby, all grown up! i was seriously having flash-forwards to doing this with him as a missionary and when he goes off to college. dramatic, much? haha i was certain i would miss him badly, but it only took a half or so before i wished i'd signed him up for one that was three days a week!! lol those two and a half hours without finn and sam fighting are blessed hours. ;) finn has learned so much in preschool and really has grown up a lot, and while it is sad to see him turn from a toddler into a little boy, i have to remind myself it really is a good thing. he is such a good kid, and i love watching him grow each and every day. 

his first soccer game was that same week. september 6th to be exact. it didn't go quite how i'd hoped haha but makes for better memories. we had been practicing with him for a few weeks, showing him how to kick the ball up and down the field (our yard) and score goals. i was just sure he'd go out there and kill it! well he wouldn't step foot on the field unless he was holding lance's hand, and bawled like a baby the entire game because other kids were taking the ball from him! seriously, one of the funniest things i've ever witnessed! i think every kid - on both teams - was in tears at one point, meanwhile every parent on the sidelines was crying tears of hysterical laughter. it was seriously hilarious! finn scored two goals that first game (only after using his hands to place the ball where he wanted it then proceeding to push everyone out of his way till he made it to the goal), but that was about the peak of his season. ;) his team was really bad. we're talking really bad, and despite repeated attempts to teach him (and the others) what the point of the game was, he never caught on. the first game was the only game he cried at though, and he went out there each subsequent saturday with a great attitude and had fun running around, which to me is all that matters. we will see what becomes of his soccer career in the years to come. 

11) the highest high of the year was definitely the safe arrival of our sweet baby boy, august keller powell, aka baby gus, on september 7th. although his birth was quite crazy, it is one of my fondest memories of well, my whole life (all my kids' births are). he has been the sweetest baby, and is such a great addition to our family. if you follow my posts on instagram and Facebook, you know that i am madly in love with him and totally obsessed. i think he is the cutest thing i've ever laid eyes on, and i spend most of my days holding him and kissing his yummy cheeks (or i try to, anyway). i really, really enjoyed my other boys as babies, but this kid has knocked it out of the park. it was so mystifying to me, why i was loving it as much as i am (i mean, i have done the baby boy thing two other times, you'd think i'd be used to it and know just what to expect of it) and for a while there i felt guilty that i was loving him so much. after talking with a friend about it, she pointed out that maybe heavenly father knew i needed this added measure of love in my life, and for this precious baby. it's not that i love him any more than i love my others, but i am loving the experience of being a mom to three boys so much. it might sound cheesy, but i feel like the luckiest girl on the planet. 

12) my sweet little sammy boy turned two on october 11th and we spent the whole weekend celebrating his birthday! i kept trying to talk myself into not having a big birthday party, since i had just had a baby and all, but the mom-guilt won and i threw him a last-minute mickey mouse birthday party. i ordered the invitations on a thursday, and had them printed, enveloped, addressed and in the mail by friday! sort of a miracle, if you ask me. when my sweet friend brooke opened her invitation, she text me and asked if sam really likes mickey mouse. i just assumed she was wanting to know whether or not to get him a mickey-type gift, but it turns out she had something even better in mind! her uncle is a young-at-heart mickey lover who owns a mickey costume, and she wanted to know if i was interested in having him make a surprise appearance at the party. ummm let me think for a second, heck YES! i had actually previously looked into character appearances, and they charge up the wazoo! we're talkin' $200+ dollars for 15 minutes, people. not happenin'. anyway, long story short, she asked her uncle, he was willing and able, so there you have it - probably the best last-minute birthday party in the history of birthday parties. ;) it was the first time having all our friends and family in our new home, and i was pleasantly surprised that we all seemed to fit just fine. the kids were totally starstruck, albeit somewhat skeptical, at mickey's appearance in our home. i think my favorite memory of the whole night was when cute krew clark walked into the powder bathroom, where mickey just happened to be getting suited-up. he quickly came out and said, "mom, is mickey mouse going to the bathroom?" hahaha sammy boy had the time of his life opening gifts and playing with friends, and although he wouldn't go near mickey unless we were right by, i know we will all look back on this birthday with the biggest smiles on our faces. what a night!

13) another thing i have looked forward to since, well, forever was taking my kids to disneyland for the first time! and oh man, it did not disappoint. i have been itching to go to disneyland all year long, but with being pregnant and building a house, and buying furniture to fill the house, and having a newborn baby, it just didn't seem like it was going to happen this year. but when i get something in my head, it's realllllly quite difficult to talk me down, which was the case here. i really wanted to go in october, because i've always heard it is decorated so cute for halloween. everything, and i mean everything, was booked though, so we settled for the beginning of november. my mom was able to take a day off of work and it ended up working out great because it was not busy at all! it was a pretty short little trip, but for our first time there a total success and a blast to boot! we stayed at the disneyland hotel, spent one whole day at disneyland, another day going back and forth between disneyland and california adventure, and ended our stay with a character breakfast at goofey's kitchen on sunday morning. finn had an absolute blast, and was able to ride almost every ride in both parks. the only ride he didn't like was splash mountain (total bummer, since that's my favorite!) but i think it was mostly because he doesn't like to get wet. ;) he was also a bit scared of space mountain, but was so brave the entire time. and now that i'm thinking of it, he wasn't too fond of the hollywood tower of terror either. besides those, he loved everything else and had so much fun meeting all the characters! sam was confined to his stroller for much of the time, but thanks to a bubble-gun we purchased on the first day, he stayed pretty entertained and happy. he was able to ride most of the rides as well, but none of the roller-coasters. and baby gus was just a little angel and slept pretty much the entire vacation. i was a bit worried that we'd regret taking a 2-month-old to disneyland, but it was not bad at all. in fact, he was probably the easiest one! i'd just bust out my nursing cover and plop down on a bench whenever he needed to eat. easy as pie. i was so grateful my mom was able to come. she is always such a huge help, and beyond that i know she loved watching my kids experience disneyland for the first time. what a tremendous blessing good grandmas are! needless to say, our vacation was a total success and although i have never been more exhausted in my life than i was after that trip, i cannot wait to go back. hopefully in the near future. :)

14) and finally, this holiday season has been one of the best! from thanksgiving until now, it seems like the past month and a half has been filled with non-stop fun. there are so many traditions and things i look forward to every year - black friday shopping with my mom, picking out a christmas tree with the boys, decorating our house (which proved to be extra fun this year since it was our first christmas in our new home!), christmas shopping, our annual friend christmas party, the lights at temple square and zoo lights, breakfast with santa at the osbornes, ordering and sending christmas cards, celebrating our anniversary, making gingerbread cookies and caramel with my mom, christmas eve, christmas day and i could go on and on. this year was even better, with gus' blessing and having our family and friends over after, and having all of lance's family in town. it has been a fun-filled month, and a great end to a fabulous year. 

as i reflect back on 2014, it was even better than i initially remembered. we have been so blessed this past year, and i am so grateful to my heavenly father for the many opportunities he has given us. i am so thankful for my little (or not so little!) family and for the love, laughter, happiness and joy they bring to my life. as i sit and wonder what this next year may have in store for us, it seems a bit daunting because unlike last year, when i felt like i knew at least some things to expect from the upcoming year, i have absolutely no idea what this next year has in store. may we go forward with hopeful minds and cheerful hearts, ready to take on what life has in store. 

happy new year!

..twins three years apart..

when i put pictures of finn & gus at the same ages side-by-side, it amazes me how alike they look. there are definitely some differences, don't get me wrong, but for the most part i think they look almost identical. almost daily, while i'm holding gus, i'll look down at his cute little face and totally experience deja vu. flashbacks to when it was baby finn in my arms, over three and a half years ago! it is insane, people.

snapping photos of the two of them together a) melts my freakin' heart, and b) is like a mirror-image, only gus is looking into himself, three years in the future. :) i can't wait to see if these two always stay twins three years apart, or if as they grow, they'll start to look more different.