my dear sweet gus,
how is it that you are already eight months old? i'm sitting here, wondering where the time has gone and i simply cannot believe it. they say time passes fast when you're having fun, and i can attest to that ten-fold, because since becoming a mom, never has each day and month and year passed by so quickly.
you are still the laid-back, happy, easy-going babe you've been since day one. such an easy little thing, in almost every way possible. sure, you get fussy and there are times when i cannot figure out what is quite wrong with you. but for the most part you, my dear, are as chill as they come. i'm so grateful to my heavenly father for sending you. you are just what i need, and a lot of times you are the only thing that keeps me sane.
one of my favorite things about our family right now is watching you with your big brothers. you adore them. your eyes light up and you get the biggest smile on your face when you hear them or when you see them walking into a room. you sit next to finn in the car, and you just stare at him and smile. i know this because almost every day, while we are out and about, finn says to me, "mom, gus is smiling at me right now!" he absolutely loves it, and so do i. you make us all smile, simply by being you. i have a feeling it will always be this way. i hope so at least. even sammy boy, who can be quite rough and tough, has this way with you. he is as gentle as he gets, and although he can't quite verbally communicate it, i know he loves you more than you'll ever know. boy, what a joy it is to watch my babies become friends with one another. i don't think anything has ever brought me quite as much joy.
some things i want to remember about you as an 8-month-old:
-you are finally starting to roll around! you've been able to roll for about 4 months now, but you haven't seemed to like it until very recently. you still don't love being on your belly, which i'm hoping means it'll be a month or two longer before you crawl. :) not sure i'm ready for a mobile baby just yet.
-you have slobber dripping down your chin and chest all.day.long.! i assume it is from teething, but there are no visible teeth quite yet, so who knows! i feel sort of bad though because your little chest always has a rash on it because it is always wet.
-you are starting to enjoy solids more, but i am still pretty bad about feeding them to you. i really need to make a better effort.
-you can hold your own bottle now, which is quite nice. it allows me to get stuff done, knowing that you are entertained for a bit. i still need to make it a point to hold you while you drink it, at least once or twice a day, because i know that will be something i'll miss in the years to come - holding my babies while they eat.
-you're very grabby - always grabbing whatever is in your reach. especially my hair. ouch! ;)
-still blow out of your diapers, at least once a day. a day!! what exactly the reason is, i'll never know. i have tried different brands, different sizes and nothing seems to work. if its not coming out the back, its coming out your legs or the front. it is insane!
-a few weeks ago we left you with our babysitter for the second time in your life, but this was the first time it was a success! she said you didn't cry once, which i was so grateful for. since then, she's babysat you two more times and you've done pretty well both times. this is such a milestone (for both of us!) because i honestly didn't think i'd every be able to leave you. i have this strong, unexplainable and probably somewhat unhealthy attachment to you. i think it has something to do with the anxiety i've developed since you've been born. i don't like leaving you...with anyone really. but i've gotten better at it, and even left you overnight with dad last week. and i'm proud to say i didn't worry once. what a blessing it was!
-you can patty-cake (clap) by yourself and it is the cutest thing ever!
-you also started waving. i've tried catching it on video but you get all shy and stop whenever i pull my phone out. which is actually kind of uncharacteristic because you normally light up whenever you see me recording you or taking pictures. part of me thinks you might be my little performer. i hope so. :)
my dear gus, you really are as sweet as they come, as cute as they come, and the biggest blessing to our family. as sad as it is to watch you (all my babies really) growing up so dang fast, i can't help but beam with joy and pride at each stage. there really is nothing better in this world than being a mom, and i'll never know why i am so blessed or got so lucky with you and your brothers, but i do know that i'm one lucky gal. thanks for all the love and joy you bring, my sweet babe.
love,
mom
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Friday, April 10, 2015
..4 years old..
my dear finn,
today you turned four years old! what a bittersweet day it has been for your mama. mostly sweet, because i have absolutely loved watching you grow and learn these past four years, but a little bitter, because time is passing us by waaaaay too quickly for my liking.
over the past few days as i have reflected on the journey we have taken together since you came into this world, i can't help but beam with pride, just thinking about who you are and who you are becoming. you have been my angel baby golden boy from day one. never have i been engulfed in love-at-first-sight as i was with you, that beautiful april day four years ago. your arrival was one i had been looking forward to my whole entire life. there was nothing i have ever wanted more than to be a mom, and you, my sweet boy, made all those dreams come true for me. you were the perfect first baby, and set the standard high for your brothers. it is almost too overwhelming for me to reminisce on those first few days, weeks, and even the years that have gone by, because i am filled with so much love and gratitude for all the joy you have brought into my life. we certainly have made many wonderful memories together. i just have to tell myself that just as good or even better is yet to come.
you were the most easy-going baby i (and many others) had ever seen. that trait has carried on in some ways, but not in others. ;) you are pretty reasonable as long as you are not too emotional, which is a trait that is uncommon for most your age. for instance, one time you wanted so badly to play with an umbrella, but i did not want you to. so i simply explained that we only play with umbrellas when it is raining outside, and immediately you said "oh? only when it's raining? okay, next time it rains i want to play with the umbrella." haha it was rather remarkable and in some ways life-altering when i realized this about you. as long as i am quick on my toes and recognize ways to make you see reason, we are spared many tantrums and arguments. in this sense, i consider you easy going. however, you can also be extremely up-tight. if you are not in the mood to be tickled or chased, or kissed or whatever, you do not hesitate to let us know. you don't seem to be very playful, or i guess only under the right circumstances. i see a lot of myself in you, which terrifies me, but also gives me hope that i will be better equipped to understand you as the years go by.
you are fiercely loyal and one of the most protective big brothers i have ever seen, especially at such a young age. we have seen this trait in you from the very beginning, and it has grown stronger as you have grown in years. one of your nursery leaders from last year even told me that she had never seen such a protective big brother in all her years of teaching school and serving in the primary and nursery. what a wonderful complement! you and sam seem to butt heads quite a bit, but it is obvious how much you love and care about him. i think you two will have one of those relationships where you can pick on each other, but the second someone else tries to you will be at their side, defending them through and through. you are absolutely taken with baby gus, as he is with you. i don't think there is another person on the planet who gus adores more than you. you sit next to him in the car, and any time i have been back there or whenever grandma is sitting back there, we notice how gus just stares up at you with a big grin on his face. he loves you so much, and i hope you won't take that love for granted, but will nourish it as you both get older. i can't wait to see your relationships with both your brothers strengthen in the years to come.
you are very active and, for the most part, always like to be doing something. a few episodes of mickey mouse clubhouse will hold your interest, but beyond an hour or so, you can't sit still. you love to be outside, jumping on the trampoline, riding your scooter or bike, driving your jeep, blowing bubbles, playing with chalk, playing on your swingset, sliding down slides, playing with balls, running, skipping, rolling down hills, playing in dirt - you name it, and if its outdoors, you seem to love it. you love to go to the zoo and ride the train and carousel. you enjoy playing soccer, even if you haven't quite figured out exactly what you're supposed to be doing. ;) for the most part you love going grocery shopping at smith's or target, and you are usually up for a trip to the mall. and are pretty obedient and easy to walk around with while there.
you love preschool and have really grown and developed a lot, especially socially-speaking, the past 7 months you've been going. i see it so much in the way you interact with other kids, and even with sam. you have become so great at sharing and socializing with kids you don't know, which was a huge step. last year was a bit rough, in terms of being around other kids. you also love primary, and your teachers and leaders in the primary have expressed to me on many occasions that you are just the model kid. they all say that you are very respectful and obedient. you just sit in your seat and listen, unlike some of the other kids in your class (that is what they said!). they all seem to just adore you, and that makes my mama heart burst with pride.
you are very loving toward your mom and dad, and always ask to snuggle before nap and bedtime, even if just for "one minute." when one of us leaves to run an errand or just go anywhere really, you get very concerned and tell us "make sure to come back, okay?" whenever grandma or madison babysit, you have a difficult time going to sleep because you want to stay awake until we get home. i think it started when dad and i went on a weekend trip to nyc last year, and it seems to have intensified over time. we always do come back, and you know that, but i think that is part of the "worrier" in you. you are the same with your brothers - you always like to know that they are nearby. i love this about you, but it also makes my heart ache a little for you because i fear that you are going to be a worry-wart as you get older.
i was able to come visit you in preschool yesterday, which was such a nice treat for me! i brought a poster board that listed some of your favorite activities, foods/movies/etc, we sang happy birthday to you and then passed out treats to your class. you requested that i make baymax cupcakes, so that's what i did. when you saw me walk in the room, you lit up with pride and excitement, but no one would have known but me. you didn't wave or acknowledge i was there with more than a wide-eyed glance and a small grin, because it was story-time and you didn't want to be disruptive. that is so characteristic of you and i loved witnessing it. miss nikole wasn't there that day, but miss tammy told me that you are a such a great friend, which was so nice to hear, but not at all surprising. you are always wanting to take care of others and make sure that everyone is ok.
we went to dinner at the spaghetti factory last night for your birthday dinner (since your party was on your actual birthday) and when they brought out your ice cream with a candle and sang happy birthday to you, i saw the same quiet excitement in you that i saw when i came to your preschool class. you just lit up, but it might not have been noticeable to others. you don't tend to carry many emotions on your sleeve, but as your mom i can see how excited you get inside.
today has been such a great day, from beginning to end. when you woke up and came downstairs, you saw the "happy birthday" banner and balloons and asked if they were for you. you asked to see your cake right away, and seemed pleased with the outcome of it. we met grandma for breakfast at the original pancake house then afterward you went with grandma to the zoo, then to pick out a present at toys r us. when you got home, you played with your toys and watched/helped me get ready for your party. come party time, you simply couldn't wait to open all your presents, but resisted the urge and played with your friends until it was time. you beamed again as we all sang happy birthday to you and watched you blow out your candles. after most everyone had gone home, me and dad gave you your last gift - the planes bike you had been asking for. you spent the rest of the night riding around in the kitchen, and got the hang of this new bike-with-pedals concept rather quickly. you fell asleep on the couch in my arms, that is how exhausted you were! it was a great day, filled with so many people who you love so much, and in turn who love you. i absolutely loved getting to celebrate my baby boy who i adore so much.
and although it makes me sad that the years are passing us by so quickly, i'm so grateful to have you as my guinea pig. i make so many mistakes as a mom, day in and day out, but you are so forgiving and patient with me. there has never been a doubt in my mind that you were meant to be the biggest brother, my first baby, and my best friend. i'm so thankful to be on this journey with you, and can't wait to watch you grow in the years to come. i'll never be able to thank my heavenly father enough for the gift that you are to this family and especially to me. you have changed my life, dear baby finn, more than you'll ever know.
happy 4th birthday to you, my number 1 man.
love,
mom
today you turned four years old! what a bittersweet day it has been for your mama. mostly sweet, because i have absolutely loved watching you grow and learn these past four years, but a little bitter, because time is passing us by waaaaay too quickly for my liking.
over the past few days as i have reflected on the journey we have taken together since you came into this world, i can't help but beam with pride, just thinking about who you are and who you are becoming. you have been my angel baby golden boy from day one. never have i been engulfed in love-at-first-sight as i was with you, that beautiful april day four years ago. your arrival was one i had been looking forward to my whole entire life. there was nothing i have ever wanted more than to be a mom, and you, my sweet boy, made all those dreams come true for me. you were the perfect first baby, and set the standard high for your brothers. it is almost too overwhelming for me to reminisce on those first few days, weeks, and even the years that have gone by, because i am filled with so much love and gratitude for all the joy you have brought into my life. we certainly have made many wonderful memories together. i just have to tell myself that just as good or even better is yet to come.
you were the most easy-going baby i (and many others) had ever seen. that trait has carried on in some ways, but not in others. ;) you are pretty reasonable as long as you are not too emotional, which is a trait that is uncommon for most your age. for instance, one time you wanted so badly to play with an umbrella, but i did not want you to. so i simply explained that we only play with umbrellas when it is raining outside, and immediately you said "oh? only when it's raining? okay, next time it rains i want to play with the umbrella." haha it was rather remarkable and in some ways life-altering when i realized this about you. as long as i am quick on my toes and recognize ways to make you see reason, we are spared many tantrums and arguments. in this sense, i consider you easy going. however, you can also be extremely up-tight. if you are not in the mood to be tickled or chased, or kissed or whatever, you do not hesitate to let us know. you don't seem to be very playful, or i guess only under the right circumstances. i see a lot of myself in you, which terrifies me, but also gives me hope that i will be better equipped to understand you as the years go by.
you are fiercely loyal and one of the most protective big brothers i have ever seen, especially at such a young age. we have seen this trait in you from the very beginning, and it has grown stronger as you have grown in years. one of your nursery leaders from last year even told me that she had never seen such a protective big brother in all her years of teaching school and serving in the primary and nursery. what a wonderful complement! you and sam seem to butt heads quite a bit, but it is obvious how much you love and care about him. i think you two will have one of those relationships where you can pick on each other, but the second someone else tries to you will be at their side, defending them through and through. you are absolutely taken with baby gus, as he is with you. i don't think there is another person on the planet who gus adores more than you. you sit next to him in the car, and any time i have been back there or whenever grandma is sitting back there, we notice how gus just stares up at you with a big grin on his face. he loves you so much, and i hope you won't take that love for granted, but will nourish it as you both get older. i can't wait to see your relationships with both your brothers strengthen in the years to come.
you are very active and, for the most part, always like to be doing something. a few episodes of mickey mouse clubhouse will hold your interest, but beyond an hour or so, you can't sit still. you love to be outside, jumping on the trampoline, riding your scooter or bike, driving your jeep, blowing bubbles, playing with chalk, playing on your swingset, sliding down slides, playing with balls, running, skipping, rolling down hills, playing in dirt - you name it, and if its outdoors, you seem to love it. you love to go to the zoo and ride the train and carousel. you enjoy playing soccer, even if you haven't quite figured out exactly what you're supposed to be doing. ;) for the most part you love going grocery shopping at smith's or target, and you are usually up for a trip to the mall. and are pretty obedient and easy to walk around with while there.
you love preschool and have really grown and developed a lot, especially socially-speaking, the past 7 months you've been going. i see it so much in the way you interact with other kids, and even with sam. you have become so great at sharing and socializing with kids you don't know, which was a huge step. last year was a bit rough, in terms of being around other kids. you also love primary, and your teachers and leaders in the primary have expressed to me on many occasions that you are just the model kid. they all say that you are very respectful and obedient. you just sit in your seat and listen, unlike some of the other kids in your class (that is what they said!). they all seem to just adore you, and that makes my mama heart burst with pride.
you are very loving toward your mom and dad, and always ask to snuggle before nap and bedtime, even if just for "one minute." when one of us leaves to run an errand or just go anywhere really, you get very concerned and tell us "make sure to come back, okay?" whenever grandma or madison babysit, you have a difficult time going to sleep because you want to stay awake until we get home. i think it started when dad and i went on a weekend trip to nyc last year, and it seems to have intensified over time. we always do come back, and you know that, but i think that is part of the "worrier" in you. you are the same with your brothers - you always like to know that they are nearby. i love this about you, but it also makes my heart ache a little for you because i fear that you are going to be a worry-wart as you get older.
i was able to come visit you in preschool yesterday, which was such a nice treat for me! i brought a poster board that listed some of your favorite activities, foods/movies/etc, we sang happy birthday to you and then passed out treats to your class. you requested that i make baymax cupcakes, so that's what i did. when you saw me walk in the room, you lit up with pride and excitement, but no one would have known but me. you didn't wave or acknowledge i was there with more than a wide-eyed glance and a small grin, because it was story-time and you didn't want to be disruptive. that is so characteristic of you and i loved witnessing it. miss nikole wasn't there that day, but miss tammy told me that you are a such a great friend, which was so nice to hear, but not at all surprising. you are always wanting to take care of others and make sure that everyone is ok.
we went to dinner at the spaghetti factory last night for your birthday dinner (since your party was on your actual birthday) and when they brought out your ice cream with a candle and sang happy birthday to you, i saw the same quiet excitement in you that i saw when i came to your preschool class. you just lit up, but it might not have been noticeable to others. you don't tend to carry many emotions on your sleeve, but as your mom i can see how excited you get inside.
today has been such a great day, from beginning to end. when you woke up and came downstairs, you saw the "happy birthday" banner and balloons and asked if they were for you. you asked to see your cake right away, and seemed pleased with the outcome of it. we met grandma for breakfast at the original pancake house then afterward you went with grandma to the zoo, then to pick out a present at toys r us. when you got home, you played with your toys and watched/helped me get ready for your party. come party time, you simply couldn't wait to open all your presents, but resisted the urge and played with your friends until it was time. you beamed again as we all sang happy birthday to you and watched you blow out your candles. after most everyone had gone home, me and dad gave you your last gift - the planes bike you had been asking for. you spent the rest of the night riding around in the kitchen, and got the hang of this new bike-with-pedals concept rather quickly. you fell asleep on the couch in my arms, that is how exhausted you were! it was a great day, filled with so many people who you love so much, and in turn who love you. i absolutely loved getting to celebrate my baby boy who i adore so much.
and although it makes me sad that the years are passing us by so quickly, i'm so grateful to have you as my guinea pig. i make so many mistakes as a mom, day in and day out, but you are so forgiving and patient with me. there has never been a doubt in my mind that you were meant to be the biggest brother, my first baby, and my best friend. i'm so thankful to be on this journey with you, and can't wait to watch you grow in the years to come. i'll never be able to thank my heavenly father enough for the gift that you are to this family and especially to me. you have changed my life, dear baby finn, more than you'll ever know.
happy 4th birthday to you, my number 1 man.
love,
mom
Saturday, March 7, 2015
..6 months..
my sweet gus,
dear boy, how are you 6 months old already?! i think i can honestly say this has been the fastest six months of my life. it's like i blinked and you were half a year old. it makes me so sad at times, but then i just think about how fun you are right now and my sad feelings just turn into contentment with our life as it is in the present.
i think part of the reason i'm able to feel content about you getting older is that you still seem like such a baby to me! more so than either of your big brothers ever did. finn had 3 pounds on you by this age and sam had 4! are teeny tiny. we are talking an itty bitty babe. and i love it! i love that you aren't heavy and that you're easy to hold. i love that i can cradle you in my arms and that you really do seem like a baby. you are wearing 3-6 month clothes and i don't think you'll be out of them any time soon!
you are such a mellow baby. in some ways you are even more mellow than finn was, which is saying something! you rarely make a peep, unless you are hungry, tired or bored. ;) you handle your big brothers mauling you all day so well. i have a feeling you'll be one tough (and patient!) little cookie. for a while there i was actually kind of worried that you might be a bit behind developmentally bc you are just so mellow. but it turns out that's all it seems to be. you're just a content little dude. i love it and i'm so grateful for it.
some things i want to remember about you as a six-month-old:
- you are starting to sit pretty well on your own. it sure makes taking pictures easier. ;)
- you are a pretty smiley babe, and seem to like the ladies. you don't give away your laughs freely though, we have to work for them.
- you still love finn and are totally warming up to sam.
- you think the dogs are so funny, particularly duke. i often find you staring at him amusingly and occasionally you'll break out in fits of laughter.
- you're just starting to play with the toys attached to your "jumper" toy. you don't really jump or bounce in it yet, but you're pretty content to stand for a a good 10-15 minutes usually.
- you still like laying on your playmat.
- you don't love the bumbo. i think ever since you started sitting up on your own you'd just prefer to do that instead.
- you don't like solids. in fact, you won't even swallow them! we've tried pears and apples and carrots and you won't eat any of it! you did, however, seem to love the ice cream i gave you a few weeks ago. it was just a little but you gobbled it right up, so i know you know how to swallow it. ;)
- you sleep 11-12 hours at night (usually 7:30/8:00 - 7:00/7:30 ish) but don't take long naps. it's driving me a little nutty!
- you've been drinking anywhere between 2-6 ounces of formula on top of nursing, usually six times a day. i don't think you're really getting anything from nursing, because you're done in two minutes and only nurse on one side. i have absolutely loved nursing you, but i think we will be done with it soon. :(
- you love dad and grandma but still seem to be a mama's boy through and through and it just melts my whole heart!
you are just my little sweet heart gus-gus and i have loved every minute of having you part of our family. you are just an easy little dude to please and you make every day better. as sad as it is that time is passing by so quickly, there is a part of me that also looks forward to the future and watching you turn into a little boy. i am a total baby mom, but your brothers are pretty hysterical so i look forward to experiencing that with you too. one step at a time though, we are in no rush. ;)
love ya goose!
love,
mom
dear boy, how are you 6 months old already?! i think i can honestly say this has been the fastest six months of my life. it's like i blinked and you were half a year old. it makes me so sad at times, but then i just think about how fun you are right now and my sad feelings just turn into contentment with our life as it is in the present.
i think part of the reason i'm able to feel content about you getting older is that you still seem like such a baby to me! more so than either of your big brothers ever did. finn had 3 pounds on you by this age and sam had 4! are teeny tiny. we are talking an itty bitty babe. and i love it! i love that you aren't heavy and that you're easy to hold. i love that i can cradle you in my arms and that you really do seem like a baby. you are wearing 3-6 month clothes and i don't think you'll be out of them any time soon!
you are such a mellow baby. in some ways you are even more mellow than finn was, which is saying something! you rarely make a peep, unless you are hungry, tired or bored. ;) you handle your big brothers mauling you all day so well. i have a feeling you'll be one tough (and patient!) little cookie. for a while there i was actually kind of worried that you might be a bit behind developmentally bc you are just so mellow. but it turns out that's all it seems to be. you're just a content little dude. i love it and i'm so grateful for it.
some things i want to remember about you as a six-month-old:
- you are starting to sit pretty well on your own. it sure makes taking pictures easier. ;)
- you are a pretty smiley babe, and seem to like the ladies. you don't give away your laughs freely though, we have to work for them.
- you still love finn and are totally warming up to sam.
- you think the dogs are so funny, particularly duke. i often find you staring at him amusingly and occasionally you'll break out in fits of laughter.
- you're just starting to play with the toys attached to your "jumper" toy. you don't really jump or bounce in it yet, but you're pretty content to stand for a a good 10-15 minutes usually.
- you still like laying on your playmat.
- you don't love the bumbo. i think ever since you started sitting up on your own you'd just prefer to do that instead.
- you don't like solids. in fact, you won't even swallow them! we've tried pears and apples and carrots and you won't eat any of it! you did, however, seem to love the ice cream i gave you a few weeks ago. it was just a little but you gobbled it right up, so i know you know how to swallow it. ;)
- you sleep 11-12 hours at night (usually 7:30/8:00 - 7:00/7:30 ish) but don't take long naps. it's driving me a little nutty!
- you've been drinking anywhere between 2-6 ounces of formula on top of nursing, usually six times a day. i don't think you're really getting anything from nursing, because you're done in two minutes and only nurse on one side. i have absolutely loved nursing you, but i think we will be done with it soon. :(
- you love dad and grandma but still seem to be a mama's boy through and through and it just melts my whole heart!
you are just my little sweet heart gus-gus and i have loved every minute of having you part of our family. you are just an easy little dude to please and you make every day better. as sad as it is that time is passing by so quickly, there is a part of me that also looks forward to the future and watching you turn into a little boy. i am a total baby mom, but your brothers are pretty hysterical so i look forward to experiencing that with you too. one step at a time though, we are in no rush. ;)
love ya goose!
love,
mom
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
..five months..
my dear baby gus-gus,
i can't believe you are five months old! my oh my, how these last five months have flown by. it always happens way too fast, and it is something i'll never get used to, no matter how many times i do this. i just love my baby babies so so much, and it is always so heart-breaking to see time slip between our fingers so quickly.
one thing that is actually kind of good, is you are still just a tiny little thing, so it makes you feel more like a little baby. sometimes i worry because you're not growing super fast, like your others did, but you seem to be on-track developmentally, so i guess i will just enjoy you being so little. you sure are the cutest thing on the planet. i am serious, i often find myself looking at you, thinking to myself, "you are the cutest baby i have ever seen! like seriously!" you really are so handsome and adorable, and sometimes i can't even believe you're mine.
this past month was not too bad at all, which was somewhat surprising because it is the middle of winter. it doesn't really feel that way outside though, which is perhaps why it wasn't so bad. ;) we've all been pretty healthy (knock on wood) until you caught some sort of virus the very end of january.
it just so happened to be the same day dad was leaving to go on a snowmobile trip with some of the guys he works with, which was a total bummer. luckily we have the best grandma who came down to keep us company while dad was gone, and let's just say thank goodness she did come down. you woke up friday morning (the 30th) very hoarse. your voice was disappearing and when you cried it was even sadder than normal. well as the day went on, you didn't seem to be getting any worse, but you weren't getting any better either. that night, we were out running errands and you started wheezing and sounding like you were struggling to breath. i was getting so nervous, so we drove to instacare and had you checked out. grandma took your big brothers to get some food and then hung out at home with them while we were still at the doctor's, which was such a blessing because nothing grosses me out more than instacare! so many germs.
anyway, because you are so little they came out with the device that checks your oxygen levels right away, and the good news was your stats and o2 levels were totally fine. we waited for over an hour to see the doctor, and her diagnosis was "it's something viral." she said it was mostly in your head but would likely move down to your chest and that is when we'd really need to watch you closely. you had a rough few nights/days of sleep (meaning neither of us got any!) but i prayed so hard that you wouldn't get any sicker, and guess what? you really didn't. i'm so thankful for the power of prayer. on sunday night we borrowed a humidifier from the clayton's and that really seemed to help you out a lot and really you got better within a few days after. fingers crossed you stay healthy!
a few things i want to remember about you at this age:
- you are finally on somewhat of a schedule, taking 2-3 naps a day and going to bed at 8. you're waking up time has been all over the freakin place! as of just the past few days, you've been sleeping until 7-7:30. praise the heavens on high! ;)
- i started supplementing you with formula, and you seem much more content and satisfied. you get between 6-8 ounces a day, 2-4 before your nap at 1:00 and 4 oz before bedtime.
- you started rolling! you rolled from your back to your tummy on january 20, and from your tummy to your back on the 21st. you screamed every time it happened for a few days, and still aren't really a fan of it.
- you giggled while watching duke the other day. you've noticed the dogs for a while now, but that was the first time i really noticed you reacting to them. it was super cute!
- love finn and all the attention he gives you. occasionally you'll cry when he gets too close for comfort, but for the most part you love when he entertains you.
- you have a love/hate relationship with sam. sometimes you'll tolerate him, other times you cry the second you see him coming. it's pretty funny and reminds me so much of how sam used to be with finn.
- we moved you into your room! hopefully this time it lasts. i think it will because you have totally outgrown your rock-n-play thing. i loved loved loved having you by my bedside more than i ever thought i would, but you have been sleeping much better upstairs. probably because it is quieter and you're more comfortable in your crib.
- you've outgrown the swaddle and are now sleeping in one of those zip-up blanket things. it's weird and i never used one with finn or sam, but you didn't like sleeping in just pajamas so this has worked fine. a couple days ago i woke up, checked the monitor and you were no where to be seen! panicking, i asked dad where you were, thinking maybe he heard you cry and got you? he had no idea either. so i ran upstairs as fast as i could, and you had just rolled out of the camera's view. but that also freaked me out because you were swaddled and what if you rolled and couldn't roll back? man, i just am so paranoid. anyway, you have been un-swaddled ever since and it actually hasn't been too rough of a transition. thankfully.
-you are sitting better in the bumbo every day, are still loving your playmat, and like the swing okay for a few minutes at a time. you still don't love being in your carseat unless we are moving.
-still wearing some 0-3 and also some 3-6 month clothing and we moved you to size 3 diapers this month.
well mr gus, you are just my absolute favorite. i have loved every minute so far of being your mommy and hope that you'll continue to grow and develop on track. you are such a sweet, easy-going little guy, and are just a joy to be around.
i could eat you up i love you so!
love,
mom
i can't believe you are five months old! my oh my, how these last five months have flown by. it always happens way too fast, and it is something i'll never get used to, no matter how many times i do this. i just love my baby babies so so much, and it is always so heart-breaking to see time slip between our fingers so quickly.
one thing that is actually kind of good, is you are still just a tiny little thing, so it makes you feel more like a little baby. sometimes i worry because you're not growing super fast, like your others did, but you seem to be on-track developmentally, so i guess i will just enjoy you being so little. you sure are the cutest thing on the planet. i am serious, i often find myself looking at you, thinking to myself, "you are the cutest baby i have ever seen! like seriously!" you really are so handsome and adorable, and sometimes i can't even believe you're mine.
this past month was not too bad at all, which was somewhat surprising because it is the middle of winter. it doesn't really feel that way outside though, which is perhaps why it wasn't so bad. ;) we've all been pretty healthy (knock on wood) until you caught some sort of virus the very end of january.
it just so happened to be the same day dad was leaving to go on a snowmobile trip with some of the guys he works with, which was a total bummer. luckily we have the best grandma who came down to keep us company while dad was gone, and let's just say thank goodness she did come down. you woke up friday morning (the 30th) very hoarse. your voice was disappearing and when you cried it was even sadder than normal. well as the day went on, you didn't seem to be getting any worse, but you weren't getting any better either. that night, we were out running errands and you started wheezing and sounding like you were struggling to breath. i was getting so nervous, so we drove to instacare and had you checked out. grandma took your big brothers to get some food and then hung out at home with them while we were still at the doctor's, which was such a blessing because nothing grosses me out more than instacare! so many germs.
anyway, because you are so little they came out with the device that checks your oxygen levels right away, and the good news was your stats and o2 levels were totally fine. we waited for over an hour to see the doctor, and her diagnosis was "it's something viral." she said it was mostly in your head but would likely move down to your chest and that is when we'd really need to watch you closely. you had a rough few nights/days of sleep (meaning neither of us got any!) but i prayed so hard that you wouldn't get any sicker, and guess what? you really didn't. i'm so thankful for the power of prayer. on sunday night we borrowed a humidifier from the clayton's and that really seemed to help you out a lot and really you got better within a few days after. fingers crossed you stay healthy!
a few things i want to remember about you at this age:
- you are finally on somewhat of a schedule, taking 2-3 naps a day and going to bed at 8. you're waking up time has been all over the freakin place! as of just the past few days, you've been sleeping until 7-7:30. praise the heavens on high! ;)
- i started supplementing you with formula, and you seem much more content and satisfied. you get between 6-8 ounces a day, 2-4 before your nap at 1:00 and 4 oz before bedtime.
- you started rolling! you rolled from your back to your tummy on january 20, and from your tummy to your back on the 21st. you screamed every time it happened for a few days, and still aren't really a fan of it.
- you giggled while watching duke the other day. you've noticed the dogs for a while now, but that was the first time i really noticed you reacting to them. it was super cute!
- love finn and all the attention he gives you. occasionally you'll cry when he gets too close for comfort, but for the most part you love when he entertains you.
- you have a love/hate relationship with sam. sometimes you'll tolerate him, other times you cry the second you see him coming. it's pretty funny and reminds me so much of how sam used to be with finn.
- we moved you into your room! hopefully this time it lasts. i think it will because you have totally outgrown your rock-n-play thing. i loved loved loved having you by my bedside more than i ever thought i would, but you have been sleeping much better upstairs. probably because it is quieter and you're more comfortable in your crib.
- you've outgrown the swaddle and are now sleeping in one of those zip-up blanket things. it's weird and i never used one with finn or sam, but you didn't like sleeping in just pajamas so this has worked fine. a couple days ago i woke up, checked the monitor and you were no where to be seen! panicking, i asked dad where you were, thinking maybe he heard you cry and got you? he had no idea either. so i ran upstairs as fast as i could, and you had just rolled out of the camera's view. but that also freaked me out because you were swaddled and what if you rolled and couldn't roll back? man, i just am so paranoid. anyway, you have been un-swaddled ever since and it actually hasn't been too rough of a transition. thankfully.
-you are sitting better in the bumbo every day, are still loving your playmat, and like the swing okay for a few minutes at a time. you still don't love being in your carseat unless we are moving.
-still wearing some 0-3 and also some 3-6 month clothing and we moved you to size 3 diapers this month.
well mr gus, you are just my absolute favorite. i have loved every minute so far of being your mommy and hope that you'll continue to grow and develop on track. you are such a sweet, easy-going little guy, and are just a joy to be around.
i could eat you up i love you so!
love,
mom
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
..night & day..
it's so interesting how two kids who share the same dna can be so totally opposite. we are talking night and day, people. in some ways i feel like no matter how many kids you have, being a mom never gets any easier - you never truly get a grip on things - because you have to be a different parent for each child. and i'm only talking about 2 of my 3 here, and they are ages two and three! haha i can't imagine how much harder it's going to get as they grow.
as challenging as itsometimes all the time is, i love how different finn and sam are. they keep me on my toes and sure make life fun and interesting, which is great, because how boring would it be if all our kids were carbon copies of one another?
finn loves to be naked - we are talking takes his clothes off the second we get home and refuses to put them on unless absolutely necessary. sam hates, hates, to be naked. if he has to get undressed for any reason - getting in the tub or changing out of dirty clothes, for instance - he goes into full-blow meltdown mode unless we put clothes back on immediately!
finn sleeps in only bottoms (pj pants, sweats or shorts) and will cry and scream for you to come take his shirt off if, heaven forbid, you forget. sam sleeps in shorts and a shirt, and will cry and scream for you if you forget to put one on him. what is so interesting, though, is that finn is cold-blooded, like me, and sam is warm-blooded, like lance. you would think, based on their body temperatures, that finn would prefer to be fully-clothed at all times and sam would prefer to be naked, but alas it is not so.
finn is a clean-freak. he doesn't make much of a mess when eating, and if he does, cleans it up as he goes (or makes you). he doesn't like food on his face or crumbs on his clothes and whines and whimpers if he gets messy and you don't help him clean it right away. sam has a gift for making messes where you did not know messes could be made. he requires a bath after almost every meal (or a good scrubbing with a washcloth and soap) and make sure to keep the vacuum near by (or plugged in at all times, for that matter) because you will need it if sam is eating anything! by far one of my biggest struggles as a parent has been being okay with sam's messes.
finn has the appetite of a baby bird. he will occasionally eat a bowl of cereal or some yogurt for breakfast, always asks for three scoops of peanut butter at lunch and we basically have to bribe, threaten and/or sell our soul to the devil to get him to take three bites of whatever we are eating for dinner. he loves sweets, however, and you'll constantly hear him say "but i NEED that cookie, i'm SO hungry." i'm actually worried he will develop sugar diabetes because of how much he loves sugar. sam, on the other hand, will eat three bowls of cereal for breakfast and ask for more. 8 chicken nuggets and some french fries for lunch. and could probably eat an entire steak if we cooked him one for dinner. he can eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese by himself, and will down milk like its nobody's business. with sam, i worry about obesity and often wonder "at what point do we cut him off?"
finn, at almost four years old, still asks for naps and will sleep for a good 2 1/2 - 3 hours. he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 8-8:30am. Sam probably naps 3 days a week for 1 1/2 - 2 hours at most, and goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 7:30-8am.
if finn gets hurt, plan on holding him in your arms, consoling him and kissing his ouchies better. he is sort of a baby. ;) if sam gets hurt, 8 times out of 10 he gets right back up and shakes it off as if nothing happened. he doesn't tolerate finn bullying him, so we do hear sam whining and crying much of the time, but if he hurts himself he is tough as nails. i always say that finn has his dad's pain tolerance and sam has his mom's. ;)
finn tends to be the sweeter child and sam tends to be my feisty one, but finn can be super feisty and sam can be super sweet. they are both equal parts sensitive, equal parts stubborn. they both know what they want and heaven have mercy on anyone who gets in the way of that (can't imagine where they get that from, definitely not from lance or me! ;)).
i have loved watching them grow and it is definitely interesting watching them become friends. they say that opposites attract, and i can only hope that rings true in their case because they are opposite as opposite can be. i can't wait to see how sweet little gus fits into the mix. i'm hoping he is 75% finn 25% sam, because i'm not sure i could handle 1.5 sam's running around! just kidding. whatever he ends up being like, or whoever, i know we will absolutely love it, and it will be so fun watching these brothers become friends.
as challenging as it
finn loves to be naked - we are talking takes his clothes off the second we get home and refuses to put them on unless absolutely necessary. sam hates, hates, to be naked. if he has to get undressed for any reason - getting in the tub or changing out of dirty clothes, for instance - he goes into full-blow meltdown mode unless we put clothes back on immediately!
finn sleeps in only bottoms (pj pants, sweats or shorts) and will cry and scream for you to come take his shirt off if, heaven forbid, you forget. sam sleeps in shorts and a shirt, and will cry and scream for you if you forget to put one on him. what is so interesting, though, is that finn is cold-blooded, like me, and sam is warm-blooded, like lance. you would think, based on their body temperatures, that finn would prefer to be fully-clothed at all times and sam would prefer to be naked, but alas it is not so.
finn is a clean-freak. he doesn't make much of a mess when eating, and if he does, cleans it up as he goes (or makes you). he doesn't like food on his face or crumbs on his clothes and whines and whimpers if he gets messy and you don't help him clean it right away. sam has a gift for making messes where you did not know messes could be made. he requires a bath after almost every meal (or a good scrubbing with a washcloth and soap) and make sure to keep the vacuum near by (or plugged in at all times, for that matter) because you will need it if sam is eating anything! by far one of my biggest struggles as a parent has been being okay with sam's messes.
finn has the appetite of a baby bird. he will occasionally eat a bowl of cereal or some yogurt for breakfast, always asks for three scoops of peanut butter at lunch and we basically have to bribe, threaten and/or sell our soul to the devil to get him to take three bites of whatever we are eating for dinner. he loves sweets, however, and you'll constantly hear him say "but i NEED that cookie, i'm SO hungry." i'm actually worried he will develop sugar diabetes because of how much he loves sugar. sam, on the other hand, will eat three bowls of cereal for breakfast and ask for more. 8 chicken nuggets and some french fries for lunch. and could probably eat an entire steak if we cooked him one for dinner. he can eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese by himself, and will down milk like its nobody's business. with sam, i worry about obesity and often wonder "at what point do we cut him off?"
finn, at almost four years old, still asks for naps and will sleep for a good 2 1/2 - 3 hours. he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 8-8:30am. Sam probably naps 3 days a week for 1 1/2 - 2 hours at most, and goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 7:30-8am.
if finn gets hurt, plan on holding him in your arms, consoling him and kissing his ouchies better. he is sort of a baby. ;) if sam gets hurt, 8 times out of 10 he gets right back up and shakes it off as if nothing happened. he doesn't tolerate finn bullying him, so we do hear sam whining and crying much of the time, but if he hurts himself he is tough as nails. i always say that finn has his dad's pain tolerance and sam has his mom's. ;)
finn tends to be the sweeter child and sam tends to be my feisty one, but finn can be super feisty and sam can be super sweet. they are both equal parts sensitive, equal parts stubborn. they both know what they want and heaven have mercy on anyone who gets in the way of that (can't imagine where they get that from, definitely not from lance or me! ;)).
i have loved watching them grow and it is definitely interesting watching them become friends. they say that opposites attract, and i can only hope that rings true in their case because they are opposite as opposite can be. i can't wait to see how sweet little gus fits into the mix. i'm hoping he is 75% finn 25% sam, because i'm not sure i could handle 1.5 sam's running around! just kidding. whatever he ends up being like, or whoever, i know we will absolutely love it, and it will be so fun watching these brothers become friends.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
..the little things..
fruit in the fruit bowl. lamplight in the evening. made beds. organized closets. when i'm caught up on laundry (pretty much never, but awesome when it happens). the sound of the dishwasher at night. gently falling snow when i have nowhere to be. the sound of finn and sam laughing while playing together. the look on gus' face when finn talks to him. claus following me everywhere all day. watching duke come through the doggy door with no hesitation or encouragement from us. hearing finn name all his friends at preschool. the "good morning" i get from finn when he wakes up each day. silence coming from sam's room during nap time. gus' coos. talking to gus and hearing him talk to finn and sam. clean floors. uninterrupted showers/getting ready in the morning (again, pretty much never but awesome when it happens). fresh flowers. party decorations. no line at fiiz. food in the fridge and pantry. paying with cash. target-trips with minimal melt-downs. snuggles with any of my babies. singing songs with sam before bedtime. "how 'bout just one more hugs and kisses?" from finn. the look on sam's face and hearing him say, "ma bunny!" when we find it after it has been missing.
our day-to-day life is so un-extraordinary. there is probably nothing special or magical about it if you're on the outside looking in. but as each day passes, and i sit and wonder where the heck time has gone, i can't help but think it is these very simple, un-eventful days of our lives that i'm going to long for in the years to come. tears fill my eyes as i think about how blessed i am, and how grateful i truly am for all of it. i know i need to show it better. love more. serve more. be there for those in need more. i want to make it a point to live with no regrets. i know mistakes will be made along the way and that disappointment, heartache and pain are part of the deal we signed on for when we came to this earth. but may we love without limits and give all of ourselves to this life and those around us, because really that is all that it's about.
our day-to-day life is so un-extraordinary. there is probably nothing special or magical about it if you're on the outside looking in. but as each day passes, and i sit and wonder where the heck time has gone, i can't help but think it is these very simple, un-eventful days of our lives that i'm going to long for in the years to come. tears fill my eyes as i think about how blessed i am, and how grateful i truly am for all of it. i know i need to show it better. love more. serve more. be there for those in need more. i want to make it a point to live with no regrets. i know mistakes will be made along the way and that disappointment, heartache and pain are part of the deal we signed on for when we came to this earth. but may we love without limits and give all of ourselves to this life and those around us, because really that is all that it's about.
Monday, February 2, 2015
..adios, janvier..
pretty sure i just mixed spanish & french in that title right there, but oh well! ;) i am pleased to report that we survived january. what is it about january, people??! i swear, i dread the crap out of it every single year. it is such a long, boring, dreary, cold, depressing month. perhaps i make it such with my attitude, but my whole life january has always felt that way.
this january wasn't bad though, not even in the slightest! the inversion didn't seem as terrible as usual, which meant cleaner air and warmer days. there were quite a few days that felt more like march, actually! i loved it. lance hated it. there hasn't been much snow for the poor guy to go snowmobiling in, but i haven't minded one bit. haha. maybe because last january really was the worst ever - never ever ever be in your first trimester of pregnancy during january...if you can help it. barf! literally and figuratively. last january was bad. but this january was good. maybe its because of my sweet little babe who just brings such joy to my life that i can't help but eat him up every single time i'm holding him? maybe it's because finn and sam are starting to get along and play nicely with each other, for more than 2 minutes at a time? maybe the routine we have in preschool on tuesdays and thursdays, forcing us to get out of the house helped? maybe all the playdates with friends far and wide? or the many girls nights i've been fortunate enough to attend? i don't have all the answers, but i'm sure it was a combination of all of these that helped make this january a good one. also probably the fact that we honestly weren't sick the entire month, until the very last two days when my sweet baby gus came down with a cold. how does a baby get a cold and his two older brother's don't?! despite that little bump in the road, our january was great, and i hope in the future i will remember to adjust my attitude, rather than just letting january be bad.
i have become friends with some girls on my street and it has been an answer to many prayers. in some ways, i feel like i have been waiting for them my whole life. like there was a void, and it is being filled. at times i tend to feel like i don't have any friends. i don't mean that in a self-pity sort of way. just in a that's-just-how-i-am sort of way. i've never been one to need tons of friends. after talking with lance the other day, though, i realized that i really do have a lot of friends. i don't know why, but ever since everything happened with alicia last fall, i've felt really insecure about myself, like there must be something wrong with me? after i hang out with anyone, i always find myself replaying conversations in my head, wishing i hadn't made that joke or been sarcastic or said that or did that or yada yada yada. what if people don't like me and what if i'm a bad person and mean and rude and i just don't know it?? lance encouraged me to just be myself and to not let an insecure, hyper-sensitive person change who i am, because i do have lots of friends and people do like me. what would we do without our husbands?! i really need to hear that and after a lot of reflection i realized he was right. i have friends all over. i've got childhood friends, and college friends, and mommy friends and woods cross friends and i'm making stone creek friends. and none of them are just Facebook, they're actual friends who i text and see often.
my new friends though, feel like friends who heavenly father placed in my path for a purpose. and i suppose all friends are that way, but something just feels different about these girls. maybe it's because we all just built houses, probably with the intention of living here for a while, so it feels like they aren't going anywhere? maybe i've always longed for friends like my mom has - ladies she has known since i was just a wee one - who have all been there for each other for 20+ years? maybe it's because we have a lot in common and just click? or maybe i am just over-thinking it? haha but when i am with these girls i see us going on girls trips and couples trips and family trips. i see lots of dinners and playdates and lunches and girls nights in our future. lots of random parties and get-togethers and shopping trips and late-night runs to fiiz and dairy queen. i feel like these are my girls, the ones i have been waiting for forever. i probably sound way desperate and crazy, like i've been on one date and am already planning my wedding? haha but that is how i feel. i love these girls and have had so much fun hanging out with them, just talking and getting to know one another. it is so refreshing and easy, and i've just loved it.
i deleted Facebook from my phone the other day. not my account, just the app. i've really noticed myself becoming a paranoid wreck lately. i see all these posts and articles about the most horrific things, and i lie awake at night a worried mess. i do feel it is important to develop empathy and be there for people in their darkest hours, and i hope to be that for people i actually know and am close to. but some of these stories i was hearing about were getting in the way of my day-to-day functioning haha and i realized it's not worth it. Facebook tends to feel more negative than uplifting much of the time and i just needed a change. so we will see how long it lasts! i keep trying to talk myself into deleting instagram as well, but i just can't do it. i use instagram to document our lives, and for that reason it would be hard for me to let it go. there have been times when i've been caught up in comparing myself to others through instagram. times when i probably spend too much time looking through other peoples photos. but it really is so much more uplifting than Facebook and has been a great and easy way to document our weeks and months throughout the year. i don't have much of a problem with pinterest or any other form of social media, so for now, Facebook is the only one to go.
i had a really bad feeling about this year. maybe that's the paranoia in me, but it just felt like this looming cloud was hanging out over me as 2014 ended and 2015 began. like i am so scared of what is in my future. i am trying to just live each day one at a time and to be grateful for all the good in that day. for the sweet snuggles i get from my boys. for the days lance gets home from work a little earlier than usual. for monday's because it means bachelor night, and tuesday because it means pretty little liars is on, and thursday's because my shows are finally back on (grey's anatomy, scandal and how to get away with murder). okay maybe i have a problem if my days revolve around tv shows?! ;) side note, i didn't get addicted to any new tv shows this january, as has been the case in previous years! i just watched scandal episodes over and over again. haha. um anyway, for nap time because i get a little break. for 5:30 am, as early as it comes, because i get to just snuggle my sweetest baby in those wee hours of the morning when all is still and be so so grateful for the opportunity i have to raise these precious children of god.
i am trying to just go with the flow, to let go of expectations and take each day as it comes. this has meant not rushing our mornings (except preschool on tuesdays and thursdays) and being okay if nap time starts a little later than normal. i'm trying to be more patient, and to realize that my kids are only little for a very short amount of time. so what if it takes finn forever to get seated in his carseat? so what if the playroom is a mess 100% of the time? so what if my bathrooms are dirty and my floors haven't been mopped and vacuumed and i haven't made an actual meal in who knows how long? i am trying to just relish and bask in this time of my life and in all that it entails. i pick up the toys and throw them (with my eyes closed!) into the playroom at the end of each night. i have been singing songs to sam as we snuggle before bed each night and practicing the piano a few minutes each day. i have made it a point to go grocery shopping every monday morning so that i can tackle the week head-on and feel like i am in control of something and have been making my bed every day because i just feel better about life when i do. i still go to fiiz twice a day for pepsi and ice water, but feel that at some point in the near future i need to stop. i want to start exercising and eating healthier so that i can live to see my grandchildren. i have been so so good about sticking to my budget and not asking lance for more money so i can buy that thing i want for the house. my house isn't decorated for valentines and it's okay. i still have a print in one of my frames from christmas and that's okay too. the pantry isn't super organized yet and neither are the cupboards. we leave food in the fridge for way longer than intended and waste food more often than i wished we did. i wash and dry the clothes at least two times per load, every single freakin time and for the life of me can't decide what to do on the walls in finn, sam or gus's rooms. but life is good. i have been finding so much joy in the simplicity and in being okay with how life is at this very moment. the other day finn said to me, "you don't go to work like dad does?" to which i replied, "i work at home, with you and sam and gus!" and he said, "you do? you work wif us?" they are my job. they are my #1 priority and i am trying harder to just let go of all the rest.
so here's to february. to staying in on the days we don't have to be anywhere. to yelling less and hugging more. to creating an atmosphere of love and safety in our home. to enjoying my days with my precious children, to nagging lance less and letting go of the things that annoy me. to telling those i love that i love them. to traditions, new and old. and to just living life one day at a time.
adios, janvier. bienvenue, fevrier!
this january wasn't bad though, not even in the slightest! the inversion didn't seem as terrible as usual, which meant cleaner air and warmer days. there were quite a few days that felt more like march, actually! i loved it. lance hated it. there hasn't been much snow for the poor guy to go snowmobiling in, but i haven't minded one bit. haha. maybe because last january really was the worst ever - never ever ever be in your first trimester of pregnancy during january...if you can help it. barf! literally and figuratively. last january was bad. but this january was good. maybe its because of my sweet little babe who just brings such joy to my life that i can't help but eat him up every single time i'm holding him? maybe it's because finn and sam are starting to get along and play nicely with each other, for more than 2 minutes at a time? maybe the routine we have in preschool on tuesdays and thursdays, forcing us to get out of the house helped? maybe all the playdates with friends far and wide? or the many girls nights i've been fortunate enough to attend? i don't have all the answers, but i'm sure it was a combination of all of these that helped make this january a good one. also probably the fact that we honestly weren't sick the entire month, until the very last two days when my sweet baby gus came down with a cold. how does a baby get a cold and his two older brother's don't?! despite that little bump in the road, our january was great, and i hope in the future i will remember to adjust my attitude, rather than just letting january be bad.
i have become friends with some girls on my street and it has been an answer to many prayers. in some ways, i feel like i have been waiting for them my whole life. like there was a void, and it is being filled. at times i tend to feel like i don't have any friends. i don't mean that in a self-pity sort of way. just in a that's-just-how-i-am sort of way. i've never been one to need tons of friends. after talking with lance the other day, though, i realized that i really do have a lot of friends. i don't know why, but ever since everything happened with alicia last fall, i've felt really insecure about myself, like there must be something wrong with me? after i hang out with anyone, i always find myself replaying conversations in my head, wishing i hadn't made that joke or been sarcastic or said that or did that or yada yada yada. what if people don't like me and what if i'm a bad person and mean and rude and i just don't know it?? lance encouraged me to just be myself and to not let an insecure, hyper-sensitive person change who i am, because i do have lots of friends and people do like me. what would we do without our husbands?! i really need to hear that and after a lot of reflection i realized he was right. i have friends all over. i've got childhood friends, and college friends, and mommy friends and woods cross friends and i'm making stone creek friends. and none of them are just Facebook, they're actual friends who i text and see often.
my new friends though, feel like friends who heavenly father placed in my path for a purpose. and i suppose all friends are that way, but something just feels different about these girls. maybe it's because we all just built houses, probably with the intention of living here for a while, so it feels like they aren't going anywhere? maybe i've always longed for friends like my mom has - ladies she has known since i was just a wee one - who have all been there for each other for 20+ years? maybe it's because we have a lot in common and just click? or maybe i am just over-thinking it? haha but when i am with these girls i see us going on girls trips and couples trips and family trips. i see lots of dinners and playdates and lunches and girls nights in our future. lots of random parties and get-togethers and shopping trips and late-night runs to fiiz and dairy queen. i feel like these are my girls, the ones i have been waiting for forever. i probably sound way desperate and crazy, like i've been on one date and am already planning my wedding? haha but that is how i feel. i love these girls and have had so much fun hanging out with them, just talking and getting to know one another. it is so refreshing and easy, and i've just loved it.
i deleted Facebook from my phone the other day. not my account, just the app. i've really noticed myself becoming a paranoid wreck lately. i see all these posts and articles about the most horrific things, and i lie awake at night a worried mess. i do feel it is important to develop empathy and be there for people in their darkest hours, and i hope to be that for people i actually know and am close to. but some of these stories i was hearing about were getting in the way of my day-to-day functioning haha and i realized it's not worth it. Facebook tends to feel more negative than uplifting much of the time and i just needed a change. so we will see how long it lasts! i keep trying to talk myself into deleting instagram as well, but i just can't do it. i use instagram to document our lives, and for that reason it would be hard for me to let it go. there have been times when i've been caught up in comparing myself to others through instagram. times when i probably spend too much time looking through other peoples photos. but it really is so much more uplifting than Facebook and has been a great and easy way to document our weeks and months throughout the year. i don't have much of a problem with pinterest or any other form of social media, so for now, Facebook is the only one to go.
i had a really bad feeling about this year. maybe that's the paranoia in me, but it just felt like this looming cloud was hanging out over me as 2014 ended and 2015 began. like i am so scared of what is in my future. i am trying to just live each day one at a time and to be grateful for all the good in that day. for the sweet snuggles i get from my boys. for the days lance gets home from work a little earlier than usual. for monday's because it means bachelor night, and tuesday because it means pretty little liars is on, and thursday's because my shows are finally back on (grey's anatomy, scandal and how to get away with murder). okay maybe i have a problem if my days revolve around tv shows?! ;) side note, i didn't get addicted to any new tv shows this january, as has been the case in previous years! i just watched scandal episodes over and over again. haha. um anyway, for nap time because i get a little break. for 5:30 am, as early as it comes, because i get to just snuggle my sweetest baby in those wee hours of the morning when all is still and be so so grateful for the opportunity i have to raise these precious children of god.
i am trying to just go with the flow, to let go of expectations and take each day as it comes. this has meant not rushing our mornings (except preschool on tuesdays and thursdays) and being okay if nap time starts a little later than normal. i'm trying to be more patient, and to realize that my kids are only little for a very short amount of time. so what if it takes finn forever to get seated in his carseat? so what if the playroom is a mess 100% of the time? so what if my bathrooms are dirty and my floors haven't been mopped and vacuumed and i haven't made an actual meal in who knows how long? i am trying to just relish and bask in this time of my life and in all that it entails. i pick up the toys and throw them (with my eyes closed!) into the playroom at the end of each night. i have been singing songs to sam as we snuggle before bed each night and practicing the piano a few minutes each day. i have made it a point to go grocery shopping every monday morning so that i can tackle the week head-on and feel like i am in control of something and have been making my bed every day because i just feel better about life when i do. i still go to fiiz twice a day for pepsi and ice water, but feel that at some point in the near future i need to stop. i want to start exercising and eating healthier so that i can live to see my grandchildren. i have been so so good about sticking to my budget and not asking lance for more money so i can buy that thing i want for the house. my house isn't decorated for valentines and it's okay. i still have a print in one of my frames from christmas and that's okay too. the pantry isn't super organized yet and neither are the cupboards. we leave food in the fridge for way longer than intended and waste food more often than i wished we did. i wash and dry the clothes at least two times per load, every single freakin time and for the life of me can't decide what to do on the walls in finn, sam or gus's rooms. but life is good. i have been finding so much joy in the simplicity and in being okay with how life is at this very moment. the other day finn said to me, "you don't go to work like dad does?" to which i replied, "i work at home, with you and sam and gus!" and he said, "you do? you work wif us?" they are my job. they are my #1 priority and i am trying harder to just let go of all the rest.
so here's to february. to staying in on the days we don't have to be anywhere. to yelling less and hugging more. to creating an atmosphere of love and safety in our home. to enjoying my days with my precious children, to nagging lance less and letting go of the things that annoy me. to telling those i love that i love them. to traditions, new and old. and to just living life one day at a time.
adios, janvier. bienvenue, fevrier!
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