christmas has come and gone, and what a wonderful one it was! every year i think to myself, "i don't think this christmas can be topped," and every year it is just as wonderful and magical, if not more so, than the last.
it was a busy month as usual, with all the different parties we hosted and attended. throw our anniversary into the mix, some birthday parties, all the shopping that must be done and bam, christmas is here before you know it! its always a little sad to me how fast it passes, and i think from here on out, rather than feeling embarrassed or ashamed for putting my tree and decorations up mid-november, i'm just going to embrace it and stretch out this favorite holiday of mine for as long as possible.
christmas eve is my favorite. dare i say even more so than christmas morning? it's a close one, maybe a tie? i think the anticipation of the big day is what makes it so fun. celeste took some pictures of us that morning, since zac and shrimp were in town. lance has been so busy with work that he wasn't able to make it, but maybe celeste can photoshop him in? haha after that we all did some christmas shopping, prepped for the annual family party at grandma and grandpa hansen's house and headed on up for my favorite party of the season. that particular party is christmas to me. some of my fondest childhood memories are from playing with my cousins christmas eve, singing christmas carols, listening to my grandpa read luke 2, taking group pictures, then getting in the car and heading home, the anticipation of the next day bursting at the seams, opening our one present when we got home, which was always pajamas. nothing has really changed after all these years - that's the way we still do it, same order and everything.
after getting the kids in bed christmas eve, we got to work putting things together. really all there was to do was put the legs on sam's train table and then put the train together, which didn't take nearly as long as i thought it would. lance went to bed around 11 (party pooper!) but i was up much later, getting everything all ready. i wrapped almost everything that needed to be wrapped a few days prior, which definitely saved a lot of time. santa doesn't wrap presents in our house, which makes things a thousand times easier. i think one of my favorite responsibilities as a parent is staging christmas, and i am certain it is because of how magical my mom made christmas for us growing up. in fact, i know that is the reason i still find this time of year so magical, more so than most others i'd guess. my mom just did such a fabulous job and i am finding myself appreciating it even more so the older my kids get. man was a i lucky! anyway, after the stockings were stuffed and the presents set out just so, i took a hundred pictures then went to bed!
i woke up early christmas morning, panicked because i forgot to start the dishwasher the night before haha so i went out to do that then caught a few more z's before just getting out of bed and waiting for the kids to wake up. they've been waking up pretty early lately, around 7:30, but they slept in till about 8 or so. finn's reaction wasn't what i thought it would be. i thought he would be immediately psyched about his reindeer, but he seemed pretty overwhelmed and didn't give us much of a reaction. sam came down and said his usual, "good morning everybody!" then went straight to his train table where he literally was 90% of the rest of the day. i knew he'd love it, but i think even i underestimated just how much! after a half hour or so, he came and sat down by me, and with his sweetest little high-pitched voice said, "fank you fo ma twain mommy." melt! its those things that make the day so magical and make all the stress and money spent and sleepless nights of the previous weeks worth it.
it didn't take finn long to warm up to his toys. he was so excited when he realized santa brought everything on his list: a yoyo, ties, a reindeer and a skeleton toy. one of the toys i was most excited for finn to open was the "big Zurg" from disneyland. he wanted it when we were there last month, but we talked him into getting the smaller version. a few weeks later he mentioned how maybe he could get the big zurg when he turned 6, haha and he never said a word about it again. i knew he'd be surprised so i paid double on ebay to buy it (it can't be found in any stores because it is a disneyland toy, so lame!) but his reaction was priceless! while ripping the wrapping paper off he quickly figured out what it was, and said "a big zurg!" then sam came over and said, "wow!" with such awe and wonder. that was one of my favorite parts of the morning.
the day was spent lounging in our pajamas, cooking and eating, watching movies and taking it easy. normally we go to the osborne's for breakfast, but vickie had surgery a few days before so they rescheduled their annual breakfast for new years day. although we missed everyone we didn't get to see, it was such a nice relaxing day, spent with most of the people we love dearly. my dad spent christmas eve with us, but left early christmas morning (like we are talking at 9 o'clock, mid-way thru opening presents haha).
i'm so grateful for the testimony i have of our savior, jesus christ. of his birth and extraordinary life, his atonement and resurrection and the pathway he has forged for us to return to live with him again someday. in all the hustle and bustle of the month of december, the true meaning of the season can often be over-looked, and i can only pray that as my kids get older, i will strive to focus on the true meaning, so that they, too, can develop a testimony of their own of the wonderful man we are fortunate enough to call our brother.
merry christmas, to one and all!
Monday, December 28, 2015
Monday, September 7, 2015
..happy birthday, gus..
my dear baby gus,
how can it be that you are ONE year old? this past year flew by in a blink of an eye. the way they all seem to do. it's like they say, the days are long but the years are short. and that has never been more true for me than it was this year.
you bring such a tremendous amount of joy into my life, sweet boy. i feel so incredibly attached to you, in a way that i haven't been to your big brothers. of course i love all three of you so equally, but my love for each of you is different, most likely because you are all so different. such individual spirits who my soul just recognizes and loves so unconditionally. when you are in pain, i am in pain. when you are happy, my heart is happy. i think that line from les mis rings so true and resonates now more than it ever has before in my life - "to love another person is to see the face of god." i don't think i've ever felt closer to my savior and heavenly father than i have in this past year. relying on their tender mercies to pick me up when times got tough. getting even just the slightest glimpse of what they must feel, watching down on us in this mortal experience. being a mama ain't always easy, but has always been my greatest joy and accomplishment in life.
generally speaking, you are a very happy, laid-back, easy-going babe. you prefer mom, but love dad, grandma and your brothers. you freak out (and i mean freak out) if anyone with dark dark hair gets in your face. it is kind of comical, but i also feel bad for you and the person who was just trying to say hi. ;) you could laugh at sam all day long (as long as he's not toughing you) , and when finn isn't mauling you with hugs & kisses, he brings a calming presence to you. you watch your older brothers and are so fascinated by them and i know in a matter of time you will be one of them. the three musketeers. it makes my heart happy just thinking about it.
you have just barely (like just in the past couple weeks) taken a real liking to solid foods and are just getting to the point where you'll try table foods. you love your bottle, maybe a little too much?! haha i switched you to cow's milk a couple weeks ago, and while you downed it like it was nobody's business, it has caused some terrible constipation. it has been heart-breaking to watch you struggle to poo, especially considering you were the child that had a blowout every freakin' day for 10 months! the other day you were just laying on the floor with your head down, trying so so hard to push it out. it broke my heart. we've tried giving you juice, feeding you lots of apples, and finally resorted to miralax. it has been helping a little, but i can still tell that you are uncomfortable. hopefully your body adjusts soon.
you still don't have any teeth, but i think your bottom two are getting ready to cut through. they say that the longer they take to come in, the healthier the teeth are, so i'm hoping you'll have some dang good teeth.
you look just like finn did when he was a baby, but slightly different, if that makes any sense?! i think your features are a bit more petite than his, and you are quite a bit smaller than either of your big brothers were, so maybe you'll just be a mini-finn you're whole life? ;)
we had a big ol' birthday party for you tonight up at the church park. you had so many friends and family members there to support you and celebrate you on your big day! you are one lucky and loved little guy, mister gus, and i hope as you grow you'll never forget that.
i am so grateful for the opportunity i've been given to be your mom. you make me happier than you could ever know, and i don't know what we'd ever do without you.
happy birthday, baby boy!
love,
mom
how can it be that you are ONE year old? this past year flew by in a blink of an eye. the way they all seem to do. it's like they say, the days are long but the years are short. and that has never been more true for me than it was this year.
you bring such a tremendous amount of joy into my life, sweet boy. i feel so incredibly attached to you, in a way that i haven't been to your big brothers. of course i love all three of you so equally, but my love for each of you is different, most likely because you are all so different. such individual spirits who my soul just recognizes and loves so unconditionally. when you are in pain, i am in pain. when you are happy, my heart is happy. i think that line from les mis rings so true and resonates now more than it ever has before in my life - "to love another person is to see the face of god." i don't think i've ever felt closer to my savior and heavenly father than i have in this past year. relying on their tender mercies to pick me up when times got tough. getting even just the slightest glimpse of what they must feel, watching down on us in this mortal experience. being a mama ain't always easy, but has always been my greatest joy and accomplishment in life.
generally speaking, you are a very happy, laid-back, easy-going babe. you prefer mom, but love dad, grandma and your brothers. you freak out (and i mean freak out) if anyone with dark dark hair gets in your face. it is kind of comical, but i also feel bad for you and the person who was just trying to say hi. ;) you could laugh at sam all day long (as long as he's not toughing you) , and when finn isn't mauling you with hugs & kisses, he brings a calming presence to you. you watch your older brothers and are so fascinated by them and i know in a matter of time you will be one of them. the three musketeers. it makes my heart happy just thinking about it.
you have just barely (like just in the past couple weeks) taken a real liking to solid foods and are just getting to the point where you'll try table foods. you love your bottle, maybe a little too much?! haha i switched you to cow's milk a couple weeks ago, and while you downed it like it was nobody's business, it has caused some terrible constipation. it has been heart-breaking to watch you struggle to poo, especially considering you were the child that had a blowout every freakin' day for 10 months! the other day you were just laying on the floor with your head down, trying so so hard to push it out. it broke my heart. we've tried giving you juice, feeding you lots of apples, and finally resorted to miralax. it has been helping a little, but i can still tell that you are uncomfortable. hopefully your body adjusts soon.
you still don't have any teeth, but i think your bottom two are getting ready to cut through. they say that the longer they take to come in, the healthier the teeth are, so i'm hoping you'll have some dang good teeth.
you look just like finn did when he was a baby, but slightly different, if that makes any sense?! i think your features are a bit more petite than his, and you are quite a bit smaller than either of your big brothers were, so maybe you'll just be a mini-finn you're whole life? ;)
we had a big ol' birthday party for you tonight up at the church park. you had so many friends and family members there to support you and celebrate you on your big day! you are one lucky and loved little guy, mister gus, and i hope as you grow you'll never forget that.
i am so grateful for the opportunity i've been given to be your mom. you make me happier than you could ever know, and i don't know what we'd ever do without you.
happy birthday, baby boy!
love,
mom
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
..sammy boy..
dear sammy boy,
from the very beginning i could tell that you were going to be full of personality, and i was right! you are such a fun little boy, and you remind me so much of your dad. you are very friendly, always saying hi to strangers at the mall and the grocery store. you have a little spark in your eye and the cutest little smile that totally draws people in. whenever we have friends over or are in a big group-type setting, you tend to just hang back and observe. i don't know if it's because there aren't tons of kids your age or maybe it is just the age you're at, but you don't really play with the other kids just yet. the other day we had a bbq and we were out around the fire-pit getting ready to roast 'mallows. i said "heeeyy sam, how ya doin'?" and in your cute voice you said "nuffing." the others got a kick outta that, and someone commented on how they never hear you talk! it was sort of surprising to me because i feel like you never stop talking, but then i thought about it, and when we are with lots of people, you are kinda quiet. it was an interesting observation. everyone thinks you are just the sweetest little dude. around others, you totally are, but when it's just us, you have quite the feisty side too. ;)
you idolize your big brother, and it warms my heart to no end. every day after dropping finn off at preschool we would go run errands, and about 30 minutes into it you would say "i want finn." if you wake up in the morning or from your nap before him, you head straight downstairs to wake him up. and if we are at home playing or at the park or splash pad playing with other kids and he leaves your side, you sadly come up to me and say "where's my finnjamin?" you are his little shadow and sidekick and it is just the cutest thing ever. since the day i found out you were a boy i had high hopes of you and finn being best friends. things seemed a little iffy there for a while (as in the past year and a half! haha) but slowly and surely i think we are headed in the right direction. you guys still butt heads, rough-house and fight plenty, but i can see how much love you have for each other and it makes me the happiest mama!
you were a little unsure of your little brother when he was first born, but it didn't take you long to warm up to him. your personality can be a little overwhelming for gus i think, and you still aren't quite aware of how much bigger you are than him, or how rough you sometimes act haha, but gus' face lights up whenever he sees you, and that is another thing that just melts me. sometimes when we are in the car and finn isn't there, you and gus will talk to each other and play little games with each other, and it is so dang cute. i hope that all three of you will be the best of friends someday.
you are very rough and tough on the outside, but inside you are as sweet and sensitive as they come. when you do something wrong (like hit finn or somehow accidentally hurt gus or the dogs) and i get mad at you, your lip quivers and you try with all your might to fight the tears from spilling out. there are times i've asked you to apologize to finn for something, and you can barely muster the strength to even look at him because you feel so bad. it is heartwarming, to say the least, to see that underneath that tough exterior you are just a sweet little teddy bear.
your favorite person on the planet is grandma and whenever she is over, you don't leave her side except for bed. there have been times when she has spent the weekend with us, and whenever she goes back home, it is quite the rude awakening for you! you love her so dang much, it is adorable. and i don't blame you, she is pretty great.
you have the blondest hair and cute little brown eyes, a round face and the sweetest dimples. you are solid from head to toe, which must be due to the fact that you're a bottomless pit. you love food and will eat just about anything most days. you don't like having your picture taken, which is so sad because you are pretty photogenic, so i don't have many great pictures of you because you usually turn your head away any time i try to take a picture. little stinker! you have the cutest voice on the planet! it is so high-pitched and singsongy. i seriously love hearing you talk (when you aren't whining ;)). you are obsessed with bubbles - we have probably gone though about $50 worth of bubbles in the past month (which is saying something because bubbles are cheap!). a few funny, bubble-related stories:
***a while back we were hanging out in the cul-de-sac with the clayton's and whitney's. you were blowing bubbles out on the lawn, when all the sudden the sprinklers turned on. instead of freaking out (like most kids or adults probably would have done) you just moved out of the way and kept blowing your bubbles. i didn't see it but celeste relayed the story to me and she could not get over how cute it was!
***a few weeks ago we were playing outside, and every time anyone is outside, people start to congregate. i can't recall everyone that was there, but i remember sadie and adam came over. you were sitting on the driveway, happily blowing your bubbles when sadie came and sat next to you. i didn't see exactly how it happened, but sadie must have taken your bubbles from you and started pouring them out on the driveway. you stood up, started shaking, turned beet-red and screamed at the top of your lungs "NOOOOOOO SADIE!!!" then you ran around and hid behind dad's truck and started crying! it was the funniest/saddest/cutest thing i have ever seen! all you need to be happy in life is a container of bubbles. sadly we were all out of them, but later that night i went to the store and bought you tons of bubbles, because i felt so bad.
i think you are heading out of the terrible-2 phase...i hope so anyway! whenever i think that to myself, you seem to digress again haha so maybe i shouldn't verbalize that? no, i can definitely tell that you are responding to discipline and behaving better. you are easier to take to dinner and in public, so i'd call that progress. i can only hope you have been a terrible 2-year-old and that you won't be a terrible 3-year-old, because i'm not sure if i'll survive. you have given me a run for my money, dear boy, but i'm pretty sure you will your whole life. ;) you bring me so much joy, but a lot of anxiety too haha. i wouldn't want you any other way. you are brave, smart, tough, sweet, silly, dirty, 100% boy, and one of my favorite people on the planet. i have so much fun watching you grow and figure out the world, and as crazy as you sometimes make me, you bring me so much pride and fill my heart with so much love.
i love you more than you'll ever know, my sweet samuel james.
love,
mom
mr golden sun
i can hardly believe that it is already june, which means the year is half-way over. what?! where does the time go? the more kids i have and the older i get, the more literal that saying becomes, "the days are along but the years are short." my oh my, what a harsh reality that is. i don't know if it is normal how sad i get at the thought that my kids are growing up so dang fast, but one thing is for sure, i wouldn't trade this time in my life for anything. life is crazy, but so so good.
summer officially started for us last week, but we stayed in the whole week - didn't do one single fun activity. part of it was due to the rain (which has since subsided for the time being - hallelujah!) but part of it was also me just being lazy. i thrive on a schedule and am a total creature of habit so i absolutely loved having the schedule of preschool these past nine months. i didn't quite know what to do with myself last week without that structure, even just those two days a week! with the help of the sun, it has been easier to get out and about this week (it is only tuesday, but i have high hopes for the rest of our week ;)) and i already feel such a difference in my attitude and outlook. lets hope the sun decides to stay. that rain was sure getting depressing!
yesterday we met shanelle and ellie and their kids at the splash pad out in foxboro. it was a little too windy for our liking, but the kids had so much fun running around and playing together. finn and krew play soooo well together. their personalities totally balance each other out and i love it. they can get kinda rough and mean at times, but i think they are really good together. finn just loves miss sadie and she holds her own and plays well with the boys. it sure is fun watching your kids make friends. sammy boy kept getting lost at the splash pad, it was kinda sad haha. every time i saw him wandering in the wrong direction i'd yell for him and wave him over. each time he came over crying, saying "where's my finnjamin?" that's what he's been calling finn lately and it sorta melts me! i can totally see how much they love each other, which has been a nice change of pace because for a while there i wondered if they'd ever be friends. they still fight plenty, but they definitely love each other.
sweet little gus, who is so easy-going and laid back, was not a fan of the splash pad. i don't know if it was the wind, or if he was just tired or what, but he was fussy the whole time we were there which is very un-like him. oh well, you win some you lose some, eh?
sam slept in his swim trunks last night and yesterday i bought finn some new ones, so i had him try them on this morning, and once he put them on he didn't want to take them off. so instead of going grocery shopping this morning like we should have, i decided to take them to city creek. i had to return something, and i also needed to buy finn some sandals or water shoes, so i figured i'd do that and then let them play in the fountains for a bit. they loved it so we'll chalk today up to a win also!
it's crazy what a little vitamin d can do to boost your spirits so here's to hoping that mr golden sun sticks around for a while!
summer officially started for us last week, but we stayed in the whole week - didn't do one single fun activity. part of it was due to the rain (which has since subsided for the time being - hallelujah!) but part of it was also me just being lazy. i thrive on a schedule and am a total creature of habit so i absolutely loved having the schedule of preschool these past nine months. i didn't quite know what to do with myself last week without that structure, even just those two days a week! with the help of the sun, it has been easier to get out and about this week (it is only tuesday, but i have high hopes for the rest of our week ;)) and i already feel such a difference in my attitude and outlook. lets hope the sun decides to stay. that rain was sure getting depressing!
yesterday we met shanelle and ellie and their kids at the splash pad out in foxboro. it was a little too windy for our liking, but the kids had so much fun running around and playing together. finn and krew play soooo well together. their personalities totally balance each other out and i love it. they can get kinda rough and mean at times, but i think they are really good together. finn just loves miss sadie and she holds her own and plays well with the boys. it sure is fun watching your kids make friends. sammy boy kept getting lost at the splash pad, it was kinda sad haha. every time i saw him wandering in the wrong direction i'd yell for him and wave him over. each time he came over crying, saying "where's my finnjamin?" that's what he's been calling finn lately and it sorta melts me! i can totally see how much they love each other, which has been a nice change of pace because for a while there i wondered if they'd ever be friends. they still fight plenty, but they definitely love each other.
sweet little gus, who is so easy-going and laid back, was not a fan of the splash pad. i don't know if it was the wind, or if he was just tired or what, but he was fussy the whole time we were there which is very un-like him. oh well, you win some you lose some, eh?
sam slept in his swim trunks last night and yesterday i bought finn some new ones, so i had him try them on this morning, and once he put them on he didn't want to take them off. so instead of going grocery shopping this morning like we should have, i decided to take them to city creek. i had to return something, and i also needed to buy finn some sandals or water shoes, so i figured i'd do that and then let them play in the fountains for a bit. they loved it so we'll chalk today up to a win also!
it's crazy what a little vitamin d can do to boost your spirits so here's to hoping that mr golden sun sticks around for a while!
Thursday, May 7, 2015
..eight months..
my dear sweet gus,
how is it that you are already eight months old? i'm sitting here, wondering where the time has gone and i simply cannot believe it. they say time passes fast when you're having fun, and i can attest to that ten-fold, because since becoming a mom, never has each day and month and year passed by so quickly.
you are still the laid-back, happy, easy-going babe you've been since day one. such an easy little thing, in almost every way possible. sure, you get fussy and there are times when i cannot figure out what is quite wrong with you. but for the most part you, my dear, are as chill as they come. i'm so grateful to my heavenly father for sending you. you are just what i need, and a lot of times you are the only thing that keeps me sane.
one of my favorite things about our family right now is watching you with your big brothers. you adore them. your eyes light up and you get the biggest smile on your face when you hear them or when you see them walking into a room. you sit next to finn in the car, and you just stare at him and smile. i know this because almost every day, while we are out and about, finn says to me, "mom, gus is smiling at me right now!" he absolutely loves it, and so do i. you make us all smile, simply by being you. i have a feeling it will always be this way. i hope so at least. even sammy boy, who can be quite rough and tough, has this way with you. he is as gentle as he gets, and although he can't quite verbally communicate it, i know he loves you more than you'll ever know. boy, what a joy it is to watch my babies become friends with one another. i don't think anything has ever brought me quite as much joy.
some things i want to remember about you as an 8-month-old:
-you are finally starting to roll around! you've been able to roll for about 4 months now, but you haven't seemed to like it until very recently. you still don't love being on your belly, which i'm hoping means it'll be a month or two longer before you crawl. :) not sure i'm ready for a mobile baby just yet.
-you have slobber dripping down your chin and chest all.day.long.! i assume it is from teething, but there are no visible teeth quite yet, so who knows! i feel sort of bad though because your little chest always has a rash on it because it is always wet.
-you are starting to enjoy solids more, but i am still pretty bad about feeding them to you. i really need to make a better effort.
-you can hold your own bottle now, which is quite nice. it allows me to get stuff done, knowing that you are entertained for a bit. i still need to make it a point to hold you while you drink it, at least once or twice a day, because i know that will be something i'll miss in the years to come - holding my babies while they eat.
-you're very grabby - always grabbing whatever is in your reach. especially my hair. ouch! ;)
-still blow out of your diapers, at least once a day. a day!! what exactly the reason is, i'll never know. i have tried different brands, different sizes and nothing seems to work. if its not coming out the back, its coming out your legs or the front. it is insane!
-a few weeks ago we left you with our babysitter for the second time in your life, but this was the first time it was a success! she said you didn't cry once, which i was so grateful for. since then, she's babysat you two more times and you've done pretty well both times. this is such a milestone (for both of us!) because i honestly didn't think i'd every be able to leave you. i have this strong, unexplainable and probably somewhat unhealthy attachment to you. i think it has something to do with the anxiety i've developed since you've been born. i don't like leaving you...with anyone really. but i've gotten better at it, and even left you overnight with dad last week. and i'm proud to say i didn't worry once. what a blessing it was!
-you can patty-cake (clap) by yourself and it is the cutest thing ever!
-you also started waving. i've tried catching it on video but you get all shy and stop whenever i pull my phone out. which is actually kind of uncharacteristic because you normally light up whenever you see me recording you or taking pictures. part of me thinks you might be my little performer. i hope so. :)
my dear gus, you really are as sweet as they come, as cute as they come, and the biggest blessing to our family. as sad as it is to watch you (all my babies really) growing up so dang fast, i can't help but beam with joy and pride at each stage. there really is nothing better in this world than being a mom, and i'll never know why i am so blessed or got so lucky with you and your brothers, but i do know that i'm one lucky gal. thanks for all the love and joy you bring, my sweet babe.
love,
mom
how is it that you are already eight months old? i'm sitting here, wondering where the time has gone and i simply cannot believe it. they say time passes fast when you're having fun, and i can attest to that ten-fold, because since becoming a mom, never has each day and month and year passed by so quickly.
you are still the laid-back, happy, easy-going babe you've been since day one. such an easy little thing, in almost every way possible. sure, you get fussy and there are times when i cannot figure out what is quite wrong with you. but for the most part you, my dear, are as chill as they come. i'm so grateful to my heavenly father for sending you. you are just what i need, and a lot of times you are the only thing that keeps me sane.
one of my favorite things about our family right now is watching you with your big brothers. you adore them. your eyes light up and you get the biggest smile on your face when you hear them or when you see them walking into a room. you sit next to finn in the car, and you just stare at him and smile. i know this because almost every day, while we are out and about, finn says to me, "mom, gus is smiling at me right now!" he absolutely loves it, and so do i. you make us all smile, simply by being you. i have a feeling it will always be this way. i hope so at least. even sammy boy, who can be quite rough and tough, has this way with you. he is as gentle as he gets, and although he can't quite verbally communicate it, i know he loves you more than you'll ever know. boy, what a joy it is to watch my babies become friends with one another. i don't think anything has ever brought me quite as much joy.
some things i want to remember about you as an 8-month-old:
-you are finally starting to roll around! you've been able to roll for about 4 months now, but you haven't seemed to like it until very recently. you still don't love being on your belly, which i'm hoping means it'll be a month or two longer before you crawl. :) not sure i'm ready for a mobile baby just yet.
-you have slobber dripping down your chin and chest all.day.long.! i assume it is from teething, but there are no visible teeth quite yet, so who knows! i feel sort of bad though because your little chest always has a rash on it because it is always wet.
-you are starting to enjoy solids more, but i am still pretty bad about feeding them to you. i really need to make a better effort.
-you can hold your own bottle now, which is quite nice. it allows me to get stuff done, knowing that you are entertained for a bit. i still need to make it a point to hold you while you drink it, at least once or twice a day, because i know that will be something i'll miss in the years to come - holding my babies while they eat.
-you're very grabby - always grabbing whatever is in your reach. especially my hair. ouch! ;)
-still blow out of your diapers, at least once a day. a day!! what exactly the reason is, i'll never know. i have tried different brands, different sizes and nothing seems to work. if its not coming out the back, its coming out your legs or the front. it is insane!
-a few weeks ago we left you with our babysitter for the second time in your life, but this was the first time it was a success! she said you didn't cry once, which i was so grateful for. since then, she's babysat you two more times and you've done pretty well both times. this is such a milestone (for both of us!) because i honestly didn't think i'd every be able to leave you. i have this strong, unexplainable and probably somewhat unhealthy attachment to you. i think it has something to do with the anxiety i've developed since you've been born. i don't like leaving you...with anyone really. but i've gotten better at it, and even left you overnight with dad last week. and i'm proud to say i didn't worry once. what a blessing it was!
-you can patty-cake (clap) by yourself and it is the cutest thing ever!
-you also started waving. i've tried catching it on video but you get all shy and stop whenever i pull my phone out. which is actually kind of uncharacteristic because you normally light up whenever you see me recording you or taking pictures. part of me thinks you might be my little performer. i hope so. :)
my dear gus, you really are as sweet as they come, as cute as they come, and the biggest blessing to our family. as sad as it is to watch you (all my babies really) growing up so dang fast, i can't help but beam with joy and pride at each stage. there really is nothing better in this world than being a mom, and i'll never know why i am so blessed or got so lucky with you and your brothers, but i do know that i'm one lucky gal. thanks for all the love and joy you bring, my sweet babe.
love,
mom
Friday, April 10, 2015
..4 years old..
my dear finn,
today you turned four years old! what a bittersweet day it has been for your mama. mostly sweet, because i have absolutely loved watching you grow and learn these past four years, but a little bitter, because time is passing us by waaaaay too quickly for my liking.
over the past few days as i have reflected on the journey we have taken together since you came into this world, i can't help but beam with pride, just thinking about who you are and who you are becoming. you have been my angel baby golden boy from day one. never have i been engulfed in love-at-first-sight as i was with you, that beautiful april day four years ago. your arrival was one i had been looking forward to my whole entire life. there was nothing i have ever wanted more than to be a mom, and you, my sweet boy, made all those dreams come true for me. you were the perfect first baby, and set the standard high for your brothers. it is almost too overwhelming for me to reminisce on those first few days, weeks, and even the years that have gone by, because i am filled with so much love and gratitude for all the joy you have brought into my life. we certainly have made many wonderful memories together. i just have to tell myself that just as good or even better is yet to come.
you were the most easy-going baby i (and many others) had ever seen. that trait has carried on in some ways, but not in others. ;) you are pretty reasonable as long as you are not too emotional, which is a trait that is uncommon for most your age. for instance, one time you wanted so badly to play with an umbrella, but i did not want you to. so i simply explained that we only play with umbrellas when it is raining outside, and immediately you said "oh? only when it's raining? okay, next time it rains i want to play with the umbrella." haha it was rather remarkable and in some ways life-altering when i realized this about you. as long as i am quick on my toes and recognize ways to make you see reason, we are spared many tantrums and arguments. in this sense, i consider you easy going. however, you can also be extremely up-tight. if you are not in the mood to be tickled or chased, or kissed or whatever, you do not hesitate to let us know. you don't seem to be very playful, or i guess only under the right circumstances. i see a lot of myself in you, which terrifies me, but also gives me hope that i will be better equipped to understand you as the years go by.
you are fiercely loyal and one of the most protective big brothers i have ever seen, especially at such a young age. we have seen this trait in you from the very beginning, and it has grown stronger as you have grown in years. one of your nursery leaders from last year even told me that she had never seen such a protective big brother in all her years of teaching school and serving in the primary and nursery. what a wonderful complement! you and sam seem to butt heads quite a bit, but it is obvious how much you love and care about him. i think you two will have one of those relationships where you can pick on each other, but the second someone else tries to you will be at their side, defending them through and through. you are absolutely taken with baby gus, as he is with you. i don't think there is another person on the planet who gus adores more than you. you sit next to him in the car, and any time i have been back there or whenever grandma is sitting back there, we notice how gus just stares up at you with a big grin on his face. he loves you so much, and i hope you won't take that love for granted, but will nourish it as you both get older. i can't wait to see your relationships with both your brothers strengthen in the years to come.
you are very active and, for the most part, always like to be doing something. a few episodes of mickey mouse clubhouse will hold your interest, but beyond an hour or so, you can't sit still. you love to be outside, jumping on the trampoline, riding your scooter or bike, driving your jeep, blowing bubbles, playing with chalk, playing on your swingset, sliding down slides, playing with balls, running, skipping, rolling down hills, playing in dirt - you name it, and if its outdoors, you seem to love it. you love to go to the zoo and ride the train and carousel. you enjoy playing soccer, even if you haven't quite figured out exactly what you're supposed to be doing. ;) for the most part you love going grocery shopping at smith's or target, and you are usually up for a trip to the mall. and are pretty obedient and easy to walk around with while there.
you love preschool and have really grown and developed a lot, especially socially-speaking, the past 7 months you've been going. i see it so much in the way you interact with other kids, and even with sam. you have become so great at sharing and socializing with kids you don't know, which was a huge step. last year was a bit rough, in terms of being around other kids. you also love primary, and your teachers and leaders in the primary have expressed to me on many occasions that you are just the model kid. they all say that you are very respectful and obedient. you just sit in your seat and listen, unlike some of the other kids in your class (that is what they said!). they all seem to just adore you, and that makes my mama heart burst with pride.
you are very loving toward your mom and dad, and always ask to snuggle before nap and bedtime, even if just for "one minute." when one of us leaves to run an errand or just go anywhere really, you get very concerned and tell us "make sure to come back, okay?" whenever grandma or madison babysit, you have a difficult time going to sleep because you want to stay awake until we get home. i think it started when dad and i went on a weekend trip to nyc last year, and it seems to have intensified over time. we always do come back, and you know that, but i think that is part of the "worrier" in you. you are the same with your brothers - you always like to know that they are nearby. i love this about you, but it also makes my heart ache a little for you because i fear that you are going to be a worry-wart as you get older.
i was able to come visit you in preschool yesterday, which was such a nice treat for me! i brought a poster board that listed some of your favorite activities, foods/movies/etc, we sang happy birthday to you and then passed out treats to your class. you requested that i make baymax cupcakes, so that's what i did. when you saw me walk in the room, you lit up with pride and excitement, but no one would have known but me. you didn't wave or acknowledge i was there with more than a wide-eyed glance and a small grin, because it was story-time and you didn't want to be disruptive. that is so characteristic of you and i loved witnessing it. miss nikole wasn't there that day, but miss tammy told me that you are a such a great friend, which was so nice to hear, but not at all surprising. you are always wanting to take care of others and make sure that everyone is ok.
we went to dinner at the spaghetti factory last night for your birthday dinner (since your party was on your actual birthday) and when they brought out your ice cream with a candle and sang happy birthday to you, i saw the same quiet excitement in you that i saw when i came to your preschool class. you just lit up, but it might not have been noticeable to others. you don't tend to carry many emotions on your sleeve, but as your mom i can see how excited you get inside.
today has been such a great day, from beginning to end. when you woke up and came downstairs, you saw the "happy birthday" banner and balloons and asked if they were for you. you asked to see your cake right away, and seemed pleased with the outcome of it. we met grandma for breakfast at the original pancake house then afterward you went with grandma to the zoo, then to pick out a present at toys r us. when you got home, you played with your toys and watched/helped me get ready for your party. come party time, you simply couldn't wait to open all your presents, but resisted the urge and played with your friends until it was time. you beamed again as we all sang happy birthday to you and watched you blow out your candles. after most everyone had gone home, me and dad gave you your last gift - the planes bike you had been asking for. you spent the rest of the night riding around in the kitchen, and got the hang of this new bike-with-pedals concept rather quickly. you fell asleep on the couch in my arms, that is how exhausted you were! it was a great day, filled with so many people who you love so much, and in turn who love you. i absolutely loved getting to celebrate my baby boy who i adore so much.
and although it makes me sad that the years are passing us by so quickly, i'm so grateful to have you as my guinea pig. i make so many mistakes as a mom, day in and day out, but you are so forgiving and patient with me. there has never been a doubt in my mind that you were meant to be the biggest brother, my first baby, and my best friend. i'm so thankful to be on this journey with you, and can't wait to watch you grow in the years to come. i'll never be able to thank my heavenly father enough for the gift that you are to this family and especially to me. you have changed my life, dear baby finn, more than you'll ever know.
happy 4th birthday to you, my number 1 man.
love,
mom
today you turned four years old! what a bittersweet day it has been for your mama. mostly sweet, because i have absolutely loved watching you grow and learn these past four years, but a little bitter, because time is passing us by waaaaay too quickly for my liking.
over the past few days as i have reflected on the journey we have taken together since you came into this world, i can't help but beam with pride, just thinking about who you are and who you are becoming. you have been my angel baby golden boy from day one. never have i been engulfed in love-at-first-sight as i was with you, that beautiful april day four years ago. your arrival was one i had been looking forward to my whole entire life. there was nothing i have ever wanted more than to be a mom, and you, my sweet boy, made all those dreams come true for me. you were the perfect first baby, and set the standard high for your brothers. it is almost too overwhelming for me to reminisce on those first few days, weeks, and even the years that have gone by, because i am filled with so much love and gratitude for all the joy you have brought into my life. we certainly have made many wonderful memories together. i just have to tell myself that just as good or even better is yet to come.
you were the most easy-going baby i (and many others) had ever seen. that trait has carried on in some ways, but not in others. ;) you are pretty reasonable as long as you are not too emotional, which is a trait that is uncommon for most your age. for instance, one time you wanted so badly to play with an umbrella, but i did not want you to. so i simply explained that we only play with umbrellas when it is raining outside, and immediately you said "oh? only when it's raining? okay, next time it rains i want to play with the umbrella." haha it was rather remarkable and in some ways life-altering when i realized this about you. as long as i am quick on my toes and recognize ways to make you see reason, we are spared many tantrums and arguments. in this sense, i consider you easy going. however, you can also be extremely up-tight. if you are not in the mood to be tickled or chased, or kissed or whatever, you do not hesitate to let us know. you don't seem to be very playful, or i guess only under the right circumstances. i see a lot of myself in you, which terrifies me, but also gives me hope that i will be better equipped to understand you as the years go by.
you are fiercely loyal and one of the most protective big brothers i have ever seen, especially at such a young age. we have seen this trait in you from the very beginning, and it has grown stronger as you have grown in years. one of your nursery leaders from last year even told me that she had never seen such a protective big brother in all her years of teaching school and serving in the primary and nursery. what a wonderful complement! you and sam seem to butt heads quite a bit, but it is obvious how much you love and care about him. i think you two will have one of those relationships where you can pick on each other, but the second someone else tries to you will be at their side, defending them through and through. you are absolutely taken with baby gus, as he is with you. i don't think there is another person on the planet who gus adores more than you. you sit next to him in the car, and any time i have been back there or whenever grandma is sitting back there, we notice how gus just stares up at you with a big grin on his face. he loves you so much, and i hope you won't take that love for granted, but will nourish it as you both get older. i can't wait to see your relationships with both your brothers strengthen in the years to come.
you are very active and, for the most part, always like to be doing something. a few episodes of mickey mouse clubhouse will hold your interest, but beyond an hour or so, you can't sit still. you love to be outside, jumping on the trampoline, riding your scooter or bike, driving your jeep, blowing bubbles, playing with chalk, playing on your swingset, sliding down slides, playing with balls, running, skipping, rolling down hills, playing in dirt - you name it, and if its outdoors, you seem to love it. you love to go to the zoo and ride the train and carousel. you enjoy playing soccer, even if you haven't quite figured out exactly what you're supposed to be doing. ;) for the most part you love going grocery shopping at smith's or target, and you are usually up for a trip to the mall. and are pretty obedient and easy to walk around with while there.
you love preschool and have really grown and developed a lot, especially socially-speaking, the past 7 months you've been going. i see it so much in the way you interact with other kids, and even with sam. you have become so great at sharing and socializing with kids you don't know, which was a huge step. last year was a bit rough, in terms of being around other kids. you also love primary, and your teachers and leaders in the primary have expressed to me on many occasions that you are just the model kid. they all say that you are very respectful and obedient. you just sit in your seat and listen, unlike some of the other kids in your class (that is what they said!). they all seem to just adore you, and that makes my mama heart burst with pride.
you are very loving toward your mom and dad, and always ask to snuggle before nap and bedtime, even if just for "one minute." when one of us leaves to run an errand or just go anywhere really, you get very concerned and tell us "make sure to come back, okay?" whenever grandma or madison babysit, you have a difficult time going to sleep because you want to stay awake until we get home. i think it started when dad and i went on a weekend trip to nyc last year, and it seems to have intensified over time. we always do come back, and you know that, but i think that is part of the "worrier" in you. you are the same with your brothers - you always like to know that they are nearby. i love this about you, but it also makes my heart ache a little for you because i fear that you are going to be a worry-wart as you get older.
i was able to come visit you in preschool yesterday, which was such a nice treat for me! i brought a poster board that listed some of your favorite activities, foods/movies/etc, we sang happy birthday to you and then passed out treats to your class. you requested that i make baymax cupcakes, so that's what i did. when you saw me walk in the room, you lit up with pride and excitement, but no one would have known but me. you didn't wave or acknowledge i was there with more than a wide-eyed glance and a small grin, because it was story-time and you didn't want to be disruptive. that is so characteristic of you and i loved witnessing it. miss nikole wasn't there that day, but miss tammy told me that you are a such a great friend, which was so nice to hear, but not at all surprising. you are always wanting to take care of others and make sure that everyone is ok.
we went to dinner at the spaghetti factory last night for your birthday dinner (since your party was on your actual birthday) and when they brought out your ice cream with a candle and sang happy birthday to you, i saw the same quiet excitement in you that i saw when i came to your preschool class. you just lit up, but it might not have been noticeable to others. you don't tend to carry many emotions on your sleeve, but as your mom i can see how excited you get inside.
today has been such a great day, from beginning to end. when you woke up and came downstairs, you saw the "happy birthday" banner and balloons and asked if they were for you. you asked to see your cake right away, and seemed pleased with the outcome of it. we met grandma for breakfast at the original pancake house then afterward you went with grandma to the zoo, then to pick out a present at toys r us. when you got home, you played with your toys and watched/helped me get ready for your party. come party time, you simply couldn't wait to open all your presents, but resisted the urge and played with your friends until it was time. you beamed again as we all sang happy birthday to you and watched you blow out your candles. after most everyone had gone home, me and dad gave you your last gift - the planes bike you had been asking for. you spent the rest of the night riding around in the kitchen, and got the hang of this new bike-with-pedals concept rather quickly. you fell asleep on the couch in my arms, that is how exhausted you were! it was a great day, filled with so many people who you love so much, and in turn who love you. i absolutely loved getting to celebrate my baby boy who i adore so much.
and although it makes me sad that the years are passing us by so quickly, i'm so grateful to have you as my guinea pig. i make so many mistakes as a mom, day in and day out, but you are so forgiving and patient with me. there has never been a doubt in my mind that you were meant to be the biggest brother, my first baby, and my best friend. i'm so thankful to be on this journey with you, and can't wait to watch you grow in the years to come. i'll never be able to thank my heavenly father enough for the gift that you are to this family and especially to me. you have changed my life, dear baby finn, more than you'll ever know.
happy 4th birthday to you, my number 1 man.
love,
mom
Saturday, March 7, 2015
..6 months..
my sweet gus,
dear boy, how are you 6 months old already?! i think i can honestly say this has been the fastest six months of my life. it's like i blinked and you were half a year old. it makes me so sad at times, but then i just think about how fun you are right now and my sad feelings just turn into contentment with our life as it is in the present.
i think part of the reason i'm able to feel content about you getting older is that you still seem like such a baby to me! more so than either of your big brothers ever did. finn had 3 pounds on you by this age and sam had 4! are teeny tiny. we are talking an itty bitty babe. and i love it! i love that you aren't heavy and that you're easy to hold. i love that i can cradle you in my arms and that you really do seem like a baby. you are wearing 3-6 month clothes and i don't think you'll be out of them any time soon!
you are such a mellow baby. in some ways you are even more mellow than finn was, which is saying something! you rarely make a peep, unless you are hungry, tired or bored. ;) you handle your big brothers mauling you all day so well. i have a feeling you'll be one tough (and patient!) little cookie. for a while there i was actually kind of worried that you might be a bit behind developmentally bc you are just so mellow. but it turns out that's all it seems to be. you're just a content little dude. i love it and i'm so grateful for it.
some things i want to remember about you as a six-month-old:
- you are starting to sit pretty well on your own. it sure makes taking pictures easier. ;)
- you are a pretty smiley babe, and seem to like the ladies. you don't give away your laughs freely though, we have to work for them.
- you still love finn and are totally warming up to sam.
- you think the dogs are so funny, particularly duke. i often find you staring at him amusingly and occasionally you'll break out in fits of laughter.
- you're just starting to play with the toys attached to your "jumper" toy. you don't really jump or bounce in it yet, but you're pretty content to stand for a a good 10-15 minutes usually.
- you still like laying on your playmat.
- you don't love the bumbo. i think ever since you started sitting up on your own you'd just prefer to do that instead.
- you don't like solids. in fact, you won't even swallow them! we've tried pears and apples and carrots and you won't eat any of it! you did, however, seem to love the ice cream i gave you a few weeks ago. it was just a little but you gobbled it right up, so i know you know how to swallow it. ;)
- you sleep 11-12 hours at night (usually 7:30/8:00 - 7:00/7:30 ish) but don't take long naps. it's driving me a little nutty!
- you've been drinking anywhere between 2-6 ounces of formula on top of nursing, usually six times a day. i don't think you're really getting anything from nursing, because you're done in two minutes and only nurse on one side. i have absolutely loved nursing you, but i think we will be done with it soon. :(
- you love dad and grandma but still seem to be a mama's boy through and through and it just melts my whole heart!
you are just my little sweet heart gus-gus and i have loved every minute of having you part of our family. you are just an easy little dude to please and you make every day better. as sad as it is that time is passing by so quickly, there is a part of me that also looks forward to the future and watching you turn into a little boy. i am a total baby mom, but your brothers are pretty hysterical so i look forward to experiencing that with you too. one step at a time though, we are in no rush. ;)
love ya goose!
love,
mom
dear boy, how are you 6 months old already?! i think i can honestly say this has been the fastest six months of my life. it's like i blinked and you were half a year old. it makes me so sad at times, but then i just think about how fun you are right now and my sad feelings just turn into contentment with our life as it is in the present.
i think part of the reason i'm able to feel content about you getting older is that you still seem like such a baby to me! more so than either of your big brothers ever did. finn had 3 pounds on you by this age and sam had 4! are teeny tiny. we are talking an itty bitty babe. and i love it! i love that you aren't heavy and that you're easy to hold. i love that i can cradle you in my arms and that you really do seem like a baby. you are wearing 3-6 month clothes and i don't think you'll be out of them any time soon!
you are such a mellow baby. in some ways you are even more mellow than finn was, which is saying something! you rarely make a peep, unless you are hungry, tired or bored. ;) you handle your big brothers mauling you all day so well. i have a feeling you'll be one tough (and patient!) little cookie. for a while there i was actually kind of worried that you might be a bit behind developmentally bc you are just so mellow. but it turns out that's all it seems to be. you're just a content little dude. i love it and i'm so grateful for it.
some things i want to remember about you as a six-month-old:
- you are starting to sit pretty well on your own. it sure makes taking pictures easier. ;)
- you are a pretty smiley babe, and seem to like the ladies. you don't give away your laughs freely though, we have to work for them.
- you still love finn and are totally warming up to sam.
- you think the dogs are so funny, particularly duke. i often find you staring at him amusingly and occasionally you'll break out in fits of laughter.
- you're just starting to play with the toys attached to your "jumper" toy. you don't really jump or bounce in it yet, but you're pretty content to stand for a a good 10-15 minutes usually.
- you still like laying on your playmat.
- you don't love the bumbo. i think ever since you started sitting up on your own you'd just prefer to do that instead.
- you don't like solids. in fact, you won't even swallow them! we've tried pears and apples and carrots and you won't eat any of it! you did, however, seem to love the ice cream i gave you a few weeks ago. it was just a little but you gobbled it right up, so i know you know how to swallow it. ;)
- you sleep 11-12 hours at night (usually 7:30/8:00 - 7:00/7:30 ish) but don't take long naps. it's driving me a little nutty!
- you've been drinking anywhere between 2-6 ounces of formula on top of nursing, usually six times a day. i don't think you're really getting anything from nursing, because you're done in two minutes and only nurse on one side. i have absolutely loved nursing you, but i think we will be done with it soon. :(
- you love dad and grandma but still seem to be a mama's boy through and through and it just melts my whole heart!
you are just my little sweet heart gus-gus and i have loved every minute of having you part of our family. you are just an easy little dude to please and you make every day better. as sad as it is that time is passing by so quickly, there is a part of me that also looks forward to the future and watching you turn into a little boy. i am a total baby mom, but your brothers are pretty hysterical so i look forward to experiencing that with you too. one step at a time though, we are in no rush. ;)
love ya goose!
love,
mom
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
..five months..
my dear baby gus-gus,
i can't believe you are five months old! my oh my, how these last five months have flown by. it always happens way too fast, and it is something i'll never get used to, no matter how many times i do this. i just love my baby babies so so much, and it is always so heart-breaking to see time slip between our fingers so quickly.
one thing that is actually kind of good, is you are still just a tiny little thing, so it makes you feel more like a little baby. sometimes i worry because you're not growing super fast, like your others did, but you seem to be on-track developmentally, so i guess i will just enjoy you being so little. you sure are the cutest thing on the planet. i am serious, i often find myself looking at you, thinking to myself, "you are the cutest baby i have ever seen! like seriously!" you really are so handsome and adorable, and sometimes i can't even believe you're mine.
this past month was not too bad at all, which was somewhat surprising because it is the middle of winter. it doesn't really feel that way outside though, which is perhaps why it wasn't so bad. ;) we've all been pretty healthy (knock on wood) until you caught some sort of virus the very end of january.
it just so happened to be the same day dad was leaving to go on a snowmobile trip with some of the guys he works with, which was a total bummer. luckily we have the best grandma who came down to keep us company while dad was gone, and let's just say thank goodness she did come down. you woke up friday morning (the 30th) very hoarse. your voice was disappearing and when you cried it was even sadder than normal. well as the day went on, you didn't seem to be getting any worse, but you weren't getting any better either. that night, we were out running errands and you started wheezing and sounding like you were struggling to breath. i was getting so nervous, so we drove to instacare and had you checked out. grandma took your big brothers to get some food and then hung out at home with them while we were still at the doctor's, which was such a blessing because nothing grosses me out more than instacare! so many germs.
anyway, because you are so little they came out with the device that checks your oxygen levels right away, and the good news was your stats and o2 levels were totally fine. we waited for over an hour to see the doctor, and her diagnosis was "it's something viral." she said it was mostly in your head but would likely move down to your chest and that is when we'd really need to watch you closely. you had a rough few nights/days of sleep (meaning neither of us got any!) but i prayed so hard that you wouldn't get any sicker, and guess what? you really didn't. i'm so thankful for the power of prayer. on sunday night we borrowed a humidifier from the clayton's and that really seemed to help you out a lot and really you got better within a few days after. fingers crossed you stay healthy!
a few things i want to remember about you at this age:
- you are finally on somewhat of a schedule, taking 2-3 naps a day and going to bed at 8. you're waking up time has been all over the freakin place! as of just the past few days, you've been sleeping until 7-7:30. praise the heavens on high! ;)
- i started supplementing you with formula, and you seem much more content and satisfied. you get between 6-8 ounces a day, 2-4 before your nap at 1:00 and 4 oz before bedtime.
- you started rolling! you rolled from your back to your tummy on january 20, and from your tummy to your back on the 21st. you screamed every time it happened for a few days, and still aren't really a fan of it.
- you giggled while watching duke the other day. you've noticed the dogs for a while now, but that was the first time i really noticed you reacting to them. it was super cute!
- love finn and all the attention he gives you. occasionally you'll cry when he gets too close for comfort, but for the most part you love when he entertains you.
- you have a love/hate relationship with sam. sometimes you'll tolerate him, other times you cry the second you see him coming. it's pretty funny and reminds me so much of how sam used to be with finn.
- we moved you into your room! hopefully this time it lasts. i think it will because you have totally outgrown your rock-n-play thing. i loved loved loved having you by my bedside more than i ever thought i would, but you have been sleeping much better upstairs. probably because it is quieter and you're more comfortable in your crib.
- you've outgrown the swaddle and are now sleeping in one of those zip-up blanket things. it's weird and i never used one with finn or sam, but you didn't like sleeping in just pajamas so this has worked fine. a couple days ago i woke up, checked the monitor and you were no where to be seen! panicking, i asked dad where you were, thinking maybe he heard you cry and got you? he had no idea either. so i ran upstairs as fast as i could, and you had just rolled out of the camera's view. but that also freaked me out because you were swaddled and what if you rolled and couldn't roll back? man, i just am so paranoid. anyway, you have been un-swaddled ever since and it actually hasn't been too rough of a transition. thankfully.
-you are sitting better in the bumbo every day, are still loving your playmat, and like the swing okay for a few minutes at a time. you still don't love being in your carseat unless we are moving.
-still wearing some 0-3 and also some 3-6 month clothing and we moved you to size 3 diapers this month.
well mr gus, you are just my absolute favorite. i have loved every minute so far of being your mommy and hope that you'll continue to grow and develop on track. you are such a sweet, easy-going little guy, and are just a joy to be around.
i could eat you up i love you so!
love,
mom
i can't believe you are five months old! my oh my, how these last five months have flown by. it always happens way too fast, and it is something i'll never get used to, no matter how many times i do this. i just love my baby babies so so much, and it is always so heart-breaking to see time slip between our fingers so quickly.
one thing that is actually kind of good, is you are still just a tiny little thing, so it makes you feel more like a little baby. sometimes i worry because you're not growing super fast, like your others did, but you seem to be on-track developmentally, so i guess i will just enjoy you being so little. you sure are the cutest thing on the planet. i am serious, i often find myself looking at you, thinking to myself, "you are the cutest baby i have ever seen! like seriously!" you really are so handsome and adorable, and sometimes i can't even believe you're mine.
this past month was not too bad at all, which was somewhat surprising because it is the middle of winter. it doesn't really feel that way outside though, which is perhaps why it wasn't so bad. ;) we've all been pretty healthy (knock on wood) until you caught some sort of virus the very end of january.
it just so happened to be the same day dad was leaving to go on a snowmobile trip with some of the guys he works with, which was a total bummer. luckily we have the best grandma who came down to keep us company while dad was gone, and let's just say thank goodness she did come down. you woke up friday morning (the 30th) very hoarse. your voice was disappearing and when you cried it was even sadder than normal. well as the day went on, you didn't seem to be getting any worse, but you weren't getting any better either. that night, we were out running errands and you started wheezing and sounding like you were struggling to breath. i was getting so nervous, so we drove to instacare and had you checked out. grandma took your big brothers to get some food and then hung out at home with them while we were still at the doctor's, which was such a blessing because nothing grosses me out more than instacare! so many germs.
anyway, because you are so little they came out with the device that checks your oxygen levels right away, and the good news was your stats and o2 levels were totally fine. we waited for over an hour to see the doctor, and her diagnosis was "it's something viral." she said it was mostly in your head but would likely move down to your chest and that is when we'd really need to watch you closely. you had a rough few nights/days of sleep (meaning neither of us got any!) but i prayed so hard that you wouldn't get any sicker, and guess what? you really didn't. i'm so thankful for the power of prayer. on sunday night we borrowed a humidifier from the clayton's and that really seemed to help you out a lot and really you got better within a few days after. fingers crossed you stay healthy!
a few things i want to remember about you at this age:
- you are finally on somewhat of a schedule, taking 2-3 naps a day and going to bed at 8. you're waking up time has been all over the freakin place! as of just the past few days, you've been sleeping until 7-7:30. praise the heavens on high! ;)
- i started supplementing you with formula, and you seem much more content and satisfied. you get between 6-8 ounces a day, 2-4 before your nap at 1:00 and 4 oz before bedtime.
- you started rolling! you rolled from your back to your tummy on january 20, and from your tummy to your back on the 21st. you screamed every time it happened for a few days, and still aren't really a fan of it.
- you giggled while watching duke the other day. you've noticed the dogs for a while now, but that was the first time i really noticed you reacting to them. it was super cute!
- love finn and all the attention he gives you. occasionally you'll cry when he gets too close for comfort, but for the most part you love when he entertains you.
- you have a love/hate relationship with sam. sometimes you'll tolerate him, other times you cry the second you see him coming. it's pretty funny and reminds me so much of how sam used to be with finn.
- we moved you into your room! hopefully this time it lasts. i think it will because you have totally outgrown your rock-n-play thing. i loved loved loved having you by my bedside more than i ever thought i would, but you have been sleeping much better upstairs. probably because it is quieter and you're more comfortable in your crib.
- you've outgrown the swaddle and are now sleeping in one of those zip-up blanket things. it's weird and i never used one with finn or sam, but you didn't like sleeping in just pajamas so this has worked fine. a couple days ago i woke up, checked the monitor and you were no where to be seen! panicking, i asked dad where you were, thinking maybe he heard you cry and got you? he had no idea either. so i ran upstairs as fast as i could, and you had just rolled out of the camera's view. but that also freaked me out because you were swaddled and what if you rolled and couldn't roll back? man, i just am so paranoid. anyway, you have been un-swaddled ever since and it actually hasn't been too rough of a transition. thankfully.
-you are sitting better in the bumbo every day, are still loving your playmat, and like the swing okay for a few minutes at a time. you still don't love being in your carseat unless we are moving.
-still wearing some 0-3 and also some 3-6 month clothing and we moved you to size 3 diapers this month.
well mr gus, you are just my absolute favorite. i have loved every minute so far of being your mommy and hope that you'll continue to grow and develop on track. you are such a sweet, easy-going little guy, and are just a joy to be around.
i could eat you up i love you so!
love,
mom
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
..night & day..
it's so interesting how two kids who share the same dna can be so totally opposite. we are talking night and day, people. in some ways i feel like no matter how many kids you have, being a mom never gets any easier - you never truly get a grip on things - because you have to be a different parent for each child. and i'm only talking about 2 of my 3 here, and they are ages two and three! haha i can't imagine how much harder it's going to get as they grow.
as challenging as itsometimes all the time is, i love how different finn and sam are. they keep me on my toes and sure make life fun and interesting, which is great, because how boring would it be if all our kids were carbon copies of one another?
finn loves to be naked - we are talking takes his clothes off the second we get home and refuses to put them on unless absolutely necessary. sam hates, hates, to be naked. if he has to get undressed for any reason - getting in the tub or changing out of dirty clothes, for instance - he goes into full-blow meltdown mode unless we put clothes back on immediately!
finn sleeps in only bottoms (pj pants, sweats or shorts) and will cry and scream for you to come take his shirt off if, heaven forbid, you forget. sam sleeps in shorts and a shirt, and will cry and scream for you if you forget to put one on him. what is so interesting, though, is that finn is cold-blooded, like me, and sam is warm-blooded, like lance. you would think, based on their body temperatures, that finn would prefer to be fully-clothed at all times and sam would prefer to be naked, but alas it is not so.
finn is a clean-freak. he doesn't make much of a mess when eating, and if he does, cleans it up as he goes (or makes you). he doesn't like food on his face or crumbs on his clothes and whines and whimpers if he gets messy and you don't help him clean it right away. sam has a gift for making messes where you did not know messes could be made. he requires a bath after almost every meal (or a good scrubbing with a washcloth and soap) and make sure to keep the vacuum near by (or plugged in at all times, for that matter) because you will need it if sam is eating anything! by far one of my biggest struggles as a parent has been being okay with sam's messes.
finn has the appetite of a baby bird. he will occasionally eat a bowl of cereal or some yogurt for breakfast, always asks for three scoops of peanut butter at lunch and we basically have to bribe, threaten and/or sell our soul to the devil to get him to take three bites of whatever we are eating for dinner. he loves sweets, however, and you'll constantly hear him say "but i NEED that cookie, i'm SO hungry." i'm actually worried he will develop sugar diabetes because of how much he loves sugar. sam, on the other hand, will eat three bowls of cereal for breakfast and ask for more. 8 chicken nuggets and some french fries for lunch. and could probably eat an entire steak if we cooked him one for dinner. he can eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese by himself, and will down milk like its nobody's business. with sam, i worry about obesity and often wonder "at what point do we cut him off?"
finn, at almost four years old, still asks for naps and will sleep for a good 2 1/2 - 3 hours. he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 8-8:30am. Sam probably naps 3 days a week for 1 1/2 - 2 hours at most, and goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 7:30-8am.
if finn gets hurt, plan on holding him in your arms, consoling him and kissing his ouchies better. he is sort of a baby. ;) if sam gets hurt, 8 times out of 10 he gets right back up and shakes it off as if nothing happened. he doesn't tolerate finn bullying him, so we do hear sam whining and crying much of the time, but if he hurts himself he is tough as nails. i always say that finn has his dad's pain tolerance and sam has his mom's. ;)
finn tends to be the sweeter child and sam tends to be my feisty one, but finn can be super feisty and sam can be super sweet. they are both equal parts sensitive, equal parts stubborn. they both know what they want and heaven have mercy on anyone who gets in the way of that (can't imagine where they get that from, definitely not from lance or me! ;)).
i have loved watching them grow and it is definitely interesting watching them become friends. they say that opposites attract, and i can only hope that rings true in their case because they are opposite as opposite can be. i can't wait to see how sweet little gus fits into the mix. i'm hoping he is 75% finn 25% sam, because i'm not sure i could handle 1.5 sam's running around! just kidding. whatever he ends up being like, or whoever, i know we will absolutely love it, and it will be so fun watching these brothers become friends.
as challenging as it
finn loves to be naked - we are talking takes his clothes off the second we get home and refuses to put them on unless absolutely necessary. sam hates, hates, to be naked. if he has to get undressed for any reason - getting in the tub or changing out of dirty clothes, for instance - he goes into full-blow meltdown mode unless we put clothes back on immediately!
finn sleeps in only bottoms (pj pants, sweats or shorts) and will cry and scream for you to come take his shirt off if, heaven forbid, you forget. sam sleeps in shorts and a shirt, and will cry and scream for you if you forget to put one on him. what is so interesting, though, is that finn is cold-blooded, like me, and sam is warm-blooded, like lance. you would think, based on their body temperatures, that finn would prefer to be fully-clothed at all times and sam would prefer to be naked, but alas it is not so.
finn is a clean-freak. he doesn't make much of a mess when eating, and if he does, cleans it up as he goes (or makes you). he doesn't like food on his face or crumbs on his clothes and whines and whimpers if he gets messy and you don't help him clean it right away. sam has a gift for making messes where you did not know messes could be made. he requires a bath after almost every meal (or a good scrubbing with a washcloth and soap) and make sure to keep the vacuum near by (or plugged in at all times, for that matter) because you will need it if sam is eating anything! by far one of my biggest struggles as a parent has been being okay with sam's messes.
finn has the appetite of a baby bird. he will occasionally eat a bowl of cereal or some yogurt for breakfast, always asks for three scoops of peanut butter at lunch and we basically have to bribe, threaten and/or sell our soul to the devil to get him to take three bites of whatever we are eating for dinner. he loves sweets, however, and you'll constantly hear him say "but i NEED that cookie, i'm SO hungry." i'm actually worried he will develop sugar diabetes because of how much he loves sugar. sam, on the other hand, will eat three bowls of cereal for breakfast and ask for more. 8 chicken nuggets and some french fries for lunch. and could probably eat an entire steak if we cooked him one for dinner. he can eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese by himself, and will down milk like its nobody's business. with sam, i worry about obesity and often wonder "at what point do we cut him off?"
finn, at almost four years old, still asks for naps and will sleep for a good 2 1/2 - 3 hours. he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 8-8:30am. Sam probably naps 3 days a week for 1 1/2 - 2 hours at most, and goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up between 7:30-8am.
if finn gets hurt, plan on holding him in your arms, consoling him and kissing his ouchies better. he is sort of a baby. ;) if sam gets hurt, 8 times out of 10 he gets right back up and shakes it off as if nothing happened. he doesn't tolerate finn bullying him, so we do hear sam whining and crying much of the time, but if he hurts himself he is tough as nails. i always say that finn has his dad's pain tolerance and sam has his mom's. ;)
finn tends to be the sweeter child and sam tends to be my feisty one, but finn can be super feisty and sam can be super sweet. they are both equal parts sensitive, equal parts stubborn. they both know what they want and heaven have mercy on anyone who gets in the way of that (can't imagine where they get that from, definitely not from lance or me! ;)).
i have loved watching them grow and it is definitely interesting watching them become friends. they say that opposites attract, and i can only hope that rings true in their case because they are opposite as opposite can be. i can't wait to see how sweet little gus fits into the mix. i'm hoping he is 75% finn 25% sam, because i'm not sure i could handle 1.5 sam's running around! just kidding. whatever he ends up being like, or whoever, i know we will absolutely love it, and it will be so fun watching these brothers become friends.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
..the little things..
fruit in the fruit bowl. lamplight in the evening. made beds. organized closets. when i'm caught up on laundry (pretty much never, but awesome when it happens). the sound of the dishwasher at night. gently falling snow when i have nowhere to be. the sound of finn and sam laughing while playing together. the look on gus' face when finn talks to him. claus following me everywhere all day. watching duke come through the doggy door with no hesitation or encouragement from us. hearing finn name all his friends at preschool. the "good morning" i get from finn when he wakes up each day. silence coming from sam's room during nap time. gus' coos. talking to gus and hearing him talk to finn and sam. clean floors. uninterrupted showers/getting ready in the morning (again, pretty much never but awesome when it happens). fresh flowers. party decorations. no line at fiiz. food in the fridge and pantry. paying with cash. target-trips with minimal melt-downs. snuggles with any of my babies. singing songs with sam before bedtime. "how 'bout just one more hugs and kisses?" from finn. the look on sam's face and hearing him say, "ma bunny!" when we find it after it has been missing.
our day-to-day life is so un-extraordinary. there is probably nothing special or magical about it if you're on the outside looking in. but as each day passes, and i sit and wonder where the heck time has gone, i can't help but think it is these very simple, un-eventful days of our lives that i'm going to long for in the years to come. tears fill my eyes as i think about how blessed i am, and how grateful i truly am for all of it. i know i need to show it better. love more. serve more. be there for those in need more. i want to make it a point to live with no regrets. i know mistakes will be made along the way and that disappointment, heartache and pain are part of the deal we signed on for when we came to this earth. but may we love without limits and give all of ourselves to this life and those around us, because really that is all that it's about.
our day-to-day life is so un-extraordinary. there is probably nothing special or magical about it if you're on the outside looking in. but as each day passes, and i sit and wonder where the heck time has gone, i can't help but think it is these very simple, un-eventful days of our lives that i'm going to long for in the years to come. tears fill my eyes as i think about how blessed i am, and how grateful i truly am for all of it. i know i need to show it better. love more. serve more. be there for those in need more. i want to make it a point to live with no regrets. i know mistakes will be made along the way and that disappointment, heartache and pain are part of the deal we signed on for when we came to this earth. but may we love without limits and give all of ourselves to this life and those around us, because really that is all that it's about.
Monday, February 2, 2015
..adios, janvier..
pretty sure i just mixed spanish & french in that title right there, but oh well! ;) i am pleased to report that we survived january. what is it about january, people??! i swear, i dread the crap out of it every single year. it is such a long, boring, dreary, cold, depressing month. perhaps i make it such with my attitude, but my whole life january has always felt that way.
this january wasn't bad though, not even in the slightest! the inversion didn't seem as terrible as usual, which meant cleaner air and warmer days. there were quite a few days that felt more like march, actually! i loved it. lance hated it. there hasn't been much snow for the poor guy to go snowmobiling in, but i haven't minded one bit. haha. maybe because last january really was the worst ever - never ever ever be in your first trimester of pregnancy during january...if you can help it. barf! literally and figuratively. last january was bad. but this january was good. maybe its because of my sweet little babe who just brings such joy to my life that i can't help but eat him up every single time i'm holding him? maybe it's because finn and sam are starting to get along and play nicely with each other, for more than 2 minutes at a time? maybe the routine we have in preschool on tuesdays and thursdays, forcing us to get out of the house helped? maybe all the playdates with friends far and wide? or the many girls nights i've been fortunate enough to attend? i don't have all the answers, but i'm sure it was a combination of all of these that helped make this january a good one. also probably the fact that we honestly weren't sick the entire month, until the very last two days when my sweet baby gus came down with a cold. how does a baby get a cold and his two older brother's don't?! despite that little bump in the road, our january was great, and i hope in the future i will remember to adjust my attitude, rather than just letting january be bad.
i have become friends with some girls on my street and it has been an answer to many prayers. in some ways, i feel like i have been waiting for them my whole life. like there was a void, and it is being filled. at times i tend to feel like i don't have any friends. i don't mean that in a self-pity sort of way. just in a that's-just-how-i-am sort of way. i've never been one to need tons of friends. after talking with lance the other day, though, i realized that i really do have a lot of friends. i don't know why, but ever since everything happened with alicia last fall, i've felt really insecure about myself, like there must be something wrong with me? after i hang out with anyone, i always find myself replaying conversations in my head, wishing i hadn't made that joke or been sarcastic or said that or did that or yada yada yada. what if people don't like me and what if i'm a bad person and mean and rude and i just don't know it?? lance encouraged me to just be myself and to not let an insecure, hyper-sensitive person change who i am, because i do have lots of friends and people do like me. what would we do without our husbands?! i really need to hear that and after a lot of reflection i realized he was right. i have friends all over. i've got childhood friends, and college friends, and mommy friends and woods cross friends and i'm making stone creek friends. and none of them are just Facebook, they're actual friends who i text and see often.
my new friends though, feel like friends who heavenly father placed in my path for a purpose. and i suppose all friends are that way, but something just feels different about these girls. maybe it's because we all just built houses, probably with the intention of living here for a while, so it feels like they aren't going anywhere? maybe i've always longed for friends like my mom has - ladies she has known since i was just a wee one - who have all been there for each other for 20+ years? maybe it's because we have a lot in common and just click? or maybe i am just over-thinking it? haha but when i am with these girls i see us going on girls trips and couples trips and family trips. i see lots of dinners and playdates and lunches and girls nights in our future. lots of random parties and get-togethers and shopping trips and late-night runs to fiiz and dairy queen. i feel like these are my girls, the ones i have been waiting for forever. i probably sound way desperate and crazy, like i've been on one date and am already planning my wedding? haha but that is how i feel. i love these girls and have had so much fun hanging out with them, just talking and getting to know one another. it is so refreshing and easy, and i've just loved it.
i deleted Facebook from my phone the other day. not my account, just the app. i've really noticed myself becoming a paranoid wreck lately. i see all these posts and articles about the most horrific things, and i lie awake at night a worried mess. i do feel it is important to develop empathy and be there for people in their darkest hours, and i hope to be that for people i actually know and am close to. but some of these stories i was hearing about were getting in the way of my day-to-day functioning haha and i realized it's not worth it. Facebook tends to feel more negative than uplifting much of the time and i just needed a change. so we will see how long it lasts! i keep trying to talk myself into deleting instagram as well, but i just can't do it. i use instagram to document our lives, and for that reason it would be hard for me to let it go. there have been times when i've been caught up in comparing myself to others through instagram. times when i probably spend too much time looking through other peoples photos. but it really is so much more uplifting than Facebook and has been a great and easy way to document our weeks and months throughout the year. i don't have much of a problem with pinterest or any other form of social media, so for now, Facebook is the only one to go.
i had a really bad feeling about this year. maybe that's the paranoia in me, but it just felt like this looming cloud was hanging out over me as 2014 ended and 2015 began. like i am so scared of what is in my future. i am trying to just live each day one at a time and to be grateful for all the good in that day. for the sweet snuggles i get from my boys. for the days lance gets home from work a little earlier than usual. for monday's because it means bachelor night, and tuesday because it means pretty little liars is on, and thursday's because my shows are finally back on (grey's anatomy, scandal and how to get away with murder). okay maybe i have a problem if my days revolve around tv shows?! ;) side note, i didn't get addicted to any new tv shows this january, as has been the case in previous years! i just watched scandal episodes over and over again. haha. um anyway, for nap time because i get a little break. for 5:30 am, as early as it comes, because i get to just snuggle my sweetest baby in those wee hours of the morning when all is still and be so so grateful for the opportunity i have to raise these precious children of god.
i am trying to just go with the flow, to let go of expectations and take each day as it comes. this has meant not rushing our mornings (except preschool on tuesdays and thursdays) and being okay if nap time starts a little later than normal. i'm trying to be more patient, and to realize that my kids are only little for a very short amount of time. so what if it takes finn forever to get seated in his carseat? so what if the playroom is a mess 100% of the time? so what if my bathrooms are dirty and my floors haven't been mopped and vacuumed and i haven't made an actual meal in who knows how long? i am trying to just relish and bask in this time of my life and in all that it entails. i pick up the toys and throw them (with my eyes closed!) into the playroom at the end of each night. i have been singing songs to sam as we snuggle before bed each night and practicing the piano a few minutes each day. i have made it a point to go grocery shopping every monday morning so that i can tackle the week head-on and feel like i am in control of something and have been making my bed every day because i just feel better about life when i do. i still go to fiiz twice a day for pepsi and ice water, but feel that at some point in the near future i need to stop. i want to start exercising and eating healthier so that i can live to see my grandchildren. i have been so so good about sticking to my budget and not asking lance for more money so i can buy that thing i want for the house. my house isn't decorated for valentines and it's okay. i still have a print in one of my frames from christmas and that's okay too. the pantry isn't super organized yet and neither are the cupboards. we leave food in the fridge for way longer than intended and waste food more often than i wished we did. i wash and dry the clothes at least two times per load, every single freakin time and for the life of me can't decide what to do on the walls in finn, sam or gus's rooms. but life is good. i have been finding so much joy in the simplicity and in being okay with how life is at this very moment. the other day finn said to me, "you don't go to work like dad does?" to which i replied, "i work at home, with you and sam and gus!" and he said, "you do? you work wif us?" they are my job. they are my #1 priority and i am trying harder to just let go of all the rest.
so here's to february. to staying in on the days we don't have to be anywhere. to yelling less and hugging more. to creating an atmosphere of love and safety in our home. to enjoying my days with my precious children, to nagging lance less and letting go of the things that annoy me. to telling those i love that i love them. to traditions, new and old. and to just living life one day at a time.
adios, janvier. bienvenue, fevrier!
this january wasn't bad though, not even in the slightest! the inversion didn't seem as terrible as usual, which meant cleaner air and warmer days. there were quite a few days that felt more like march, actually! i loved it. lance hated it. there hasn't been much snow for the poor guy to go snowmobiling in, but i haven't minded one bit. haha. maybe because last january really was the worst ever - never ever ever be in your first trimester of pregnancy during january...if you can help it. barf! literally and figuratively. last january was bad. but this january was good. maybe its because of my sweet little babe who just brings such joy to my life that i can't help but eat him up every single time i'm holding him? maybe it's because finn and sam are starting to get along and play nicely with each other, for more than 2 minutes at a time? maybe the routine we have in preschool on tuesdays and thursdays, forcing us to get out of the house helped? maybe all the playdates with friends far and wide? or the many girls nights i've been fortunate enough to attend? i don't have all the answers, but i'm sure it was a combination of all of these that helped make this january a good one. also probably the fact that we honestly weren't sick the entire month, until the very last two days when my sweet baby gus came down with a cold. how does a baby get a cold and his two older brother's don't?! despite that little bump in the road, our january was great, and i hope in the future i will remember to adjust my attitude, rather than just letting january be bad.
i have become friends with some girls on my street and it has been an answer to many prayers. in some ways, i feel like i have been waiting for them my whole life. like there was a void, and it is being filled. at times i tend to feel like i don't have any friends. i don't mean that in a self-pity sort of way. just in a that's-just-how-i-am sort of way. i've never been one to need tons of friends. after talking with lance the other day, though, i realized that i really do have a lot of friends. i don't know why, but ever since everything happened with alicia last fall, i've felt really insecure about myself, like there must be something wrong with me? after i hang out with anyone, i always find myself replaying conversations in my head, wishing i hadn't made that joke or been sarcastic or said that or did that or yada yada yada. what if people don't like me and what if i'm a bad person and mean and rude and i just don't know it?? lance encouraged me to just be myself and to not let an insecure, hyper-sensitive person change who i am, because i do have lots of friends and people do like me. what would we do without our husbands?! i really need to hear that and after a lot of reflection i realized he was right. i have friends all over. i've got childhood friends, and college friends, and mommy friends and woods cross friends and i'm making stone creek friends. and none of them are just Facebook, they're actual friends who i text and see often.
my new friends though, feel like friends who heavenly father placed in my path for a purpose. and i suppose all friends are that way, but something just feels different about these girls. maybe it's because we all just built houses, probably with the intention of living here for a while, so it feels like they aren't going anywhere? maybe i've always longed for friends like my mom has - ladies she has known since i was just a wee one - who have all been there for each other for 20+ years? maybe it's because we have a lot in common and just click? or maybe i am just over-thinking it? haha but when i am with these girls i see us going on girls trips and couples trips and family trips. i see lots of dinners and playdates and lunches and girls nights in our future. lots of random parties and get-togethers and shopping trips and late-night runs to fiiz and dairy queen. i feel like these are my girls, the ones i have been waiting for forever. i probably sound way desperate and crazy, like i've been on one date and am already planning my wedding? haha but that is how i feel. i love these girls and have had so much fun hanging out with them, just talking and getting to know one another. it is so refreshing and easy, and i've just loved it.
i deleted Facebook from my phone the other day. not my account, just the app. i've really noticed myself becoming a paranoid wreck lately. i see all these posts and articles about the most horrific things, and i lie awake at night a worried mess. i do feel it is important to develop empathy and be there for people in their darkest hours, and i hope to be that for people i actually know and am close to. but some of these stories i was hearing about were getting in the way of my day-to-day functioning haha and i realized it's not worth it. Facebook tends to feel more negative than uplifting much of the time and i just needed a change. so we will see how long it lasts! i keep trying to talk myself into deleting instagram as well, but i just can't do it. i use instagram to document our lives, and for that reason it would be hard for me to let it go. there have been times when i've been caught up in comparing myself to others through instagram. times when i probably spend too much time looking through other peoples photos. but it really is so much more uplifting than Facebook and has been a great and easy way to document our weeks and months throughout the year. i don't have much of a problem with pinterest or any other form of social media, so for now, Facebook is the only one to go.
i had a really bad feeling about this year. maybe that's the paranoia in me, but it just felt like this looming cloud was hanging out over me as 2014 ended and 2015 began. like i am so scared of what is in my future. i am trying to just live each day one at a time and to be grateful for all the good in that day. for the sweet snuggles i get from my boys. for the days lance gets home from work a little earlier than usual. for monday's because it means bachelor night, and tuesday because it means pretty little liars is on, and thursday's because my shows are finally back on (grey's anatomy, scandal and how to get away with murder). okay maybe i have a problem if my days revolve around tv shows?! ;) side note, i didn't get addicted to any new tv shows this january, as has been the case in previous years! i just watched scandal episodes over and over again. haha. um anyway, for nap time because i get a little break. for 5:30 am, as early as it comes, because i get to just snuggle my sweetest baby in those wee hours of the morning when all is still and be so so grateful for the opportunity i have to raise these precious children of god.
i am trying to just go with the flow, to let go of expectations and take each day as it comes. this has meant not rushing our mornings (except preschool on tuesdays and thursdays) and being okay if nap time starts a little later than normal. i'm trying to be more patient, and to realize that my kids are only little for a very short amount of time. so what if it takes finn forever to get seated in his carseat? so what if the playroom is a mess 100% of the time? so what if my bathrooms are dirty and my floors haven't been mopped and vacuumed and i haven't made an actual meal in who knows how long? i am trying to just relish and bask in this time of my life and in all that it entails. i pick up the toys and throw them (with my eyes closed!) into the playroom at the end of each night. i have been singing songs to sam as we snuggle before bed each night and practicing the piano a few minutes each day. i have made it a point to go grocery shopping every monday morning so that i can tackle the week head-on and feel like i am in control of something and have been making my bed every day because i just feel better about life when i do. i still go to fiiz twice a day for pepsi and ice water, but feel that at some point in the near future i need to stop. i want to start exercising and eating healthier so that i can live to see my grandchildren. i have been so so good about sticking to my budget and not asking lance for more money so i can buy that thing i want for the house. my house isn't decorated for valentines and it's okay. i still have a print in one of my frames from christmas and that's okay too. the pantry isn't super organized yet and neither are the cupboards. we leave food in the fridge for way longer than intended and waste food more often than i wished we did. i wash and dry the clothes at least two times per load, every single freakin time and for the life of me can't decide what to do on the walls in finn, sam or gus's rooms. but life is good. i have been finding so much joy in the simplicity and in being okay with how life is at this very moment. the other day finn said to me, "you don't go to work like dad does?" to which i replied, "i work at home, with you and sam and gus!" and he said, "you do? you work wif us?" they are my job. they are my #1 priority and i am trying harder to just let go of all the rest.
so here's to february. to staying in on the days we don't have to be anywhere. to yelling less and hugging more. to creating an atmosphere of love and safety in our home. to enjoying my days with my precious children, to nagging lance less and letting go of the things that annoy me. to telling those i love that i love them. to traditions, new and old. and to just living life one day at a time.
adios, janvier. bienvenue, fevrier!
Thursday, January 8, 2015
..4 months..
my dearest gus,
today you are 4 months old. four months old. i could pour my heart out about how sad this makes me, but i'll spare you the dramatics and just say wow, time flies and yes, it breaks my heart. i wish you could stay a baby forever. i really am so serious.
from the day you came into this world, you have had your mama wrapped around your tiny finger. tears fill my eyes as i look back on the past four months, and think of all the love and light your presence has brought to our home. you are such a ray of sunshine, my sweet sweet boy. what did we ever do without you?
people had me worried about baby #3. the game changer and the big adjustment. that is what everyone said you'd be. i prepared myself for a bumpy ride but it has not been that way at all. as with each baby that joins our family, changes are made to accommodate the newest addition. schedules are moved around, sleep becomes a thing of the past, as does any time for myself. but the sacrifices made pale in comparison to the added measure of love you bring.
as a young girl, i always looked forward to this time in my life. when i would be a young wife and mother, spending my days taking care of babies and raising children. i always assumed it would be the happiest time of my life. and as i sit here, thinking about the happiness you and your brothers bring me, the reality of this time in my life far outweighs those adolescent dreams. i mean, how lucky am i, that all my dreams have come true beyond every expectation?
don't get me wrong, i am usually at my wits end by bedtime every day. i yell way more than i wish i did and on the worst of days i am ready to commit myself to a mental institution. either that or ship your brothers off to a traveling circus. dad said that every time i call him, i spend more time saying "stop that! be quiet! keep your hands to yourself! stop crying! ugghhhhh they are driving me craaaazzzy!" than i do actually talking to him. but in the quiet moments that come and go all too quickly, the spirit calms my heart and reminds me that this is a time in my life that i'll be longing to relive years from now. you are only a baby for a short time, so i am doing all i can to cherish this precious time.
it is no secret to anyone how much i love you. you are the sweetest baby. so good-natured and easy going. when people come over, almost all of them say, "is he always this good?" as long as you aren't too tired or too hungry you are happy as a clam. you remind me so much of finn in that way. you smile at anyone who smiles at you. that reminds me of your big brother sam. you are a mamas boy through and through, and nothing makes me happier. i have always wanted one of those!
at four months old you.....
-sit up well in your bumbo
-laugh when tickled
-nurse every 1.5-2 hours (it's a lucky day if we make it 3) but you are so fast. done in 5 minutes.
-took a bottle like a champ. i have nursed you exclusively your whole life - you had one bottle back in october and another one mid-december and that's it. but lately you've seemed so small to me, and you have been fussier than normal, and never seem satisfied after nursing, which leads me to wonder if you are hungry? so i made you a bottle of formula, just sure you wouldn't take it, especially if i was the one feeding you. but you guzzled it.
-still aren't on a great schedule. getting sick + the holidays + the 4 month sleep regression totally threw you off and we are still trying to figure things out. last night you slept 11 hours but that was the first time in weeks! hopefully we can get things figured out soon.
-are somewhat terrified of sam, but when he is being soft and gentle you love him.
-looooove finn. you just sit and smile and talk to him and it makes my mama heart so happy.
-moved from your rocker by my bedside, to your rocker in my closet, and finally to your crib in your very own room. this was very bittersweet for me, and most nights i long to have you back at my bedside. but none of us were sleeping very well - you were waking up more often than you had been, and i think it's because as you're getting older, you can't block out the sound as well. so even when we were being as quiet as we could be, you'd still wake up ready to party. you have done pretty well in your own room, so that's great. but i do miss you being so close to me at all hours of the day.
-have strong legs, and can stand (while we are holding your hands, of course) for minutes at a time.
-blow lots of bubbles and suck your pointer & middle finger when your binki isn't near by.
-have a firm grip.
-don't love your carseat. you've been the first of my babies that won't sleep in the carseat for hours at a time. this is somewhat of a challenge since we are in and out of the house so much.
-don't love church. haha it is the only time of the week that you get pretty fussy.
-are getting close to rolling from your back to your stomach.
-don't like tummy time.
-like to be swaddled suuuuuuper tight and definitely seem to sleep best that way.
at your doctor appointment today we found out that you are just a tiny little baby, but you are healthy and despite your small size, you are growing beautifully.
i know most moms say that each and every stage is so fun, and while i agree with that, i still just wish you could stay my baby. you have been my little tag-along from the beginning, and i have loved all the one-on-one time we spend together while your crazy brothers are hanging with dad. i will admit that i am excited to watch your relationships with them strengthen as you get bigger. it is my sincerest hope that you three will grow to be the best of friends. nothing would make me happier. but i also hope that you will always keep a special place in your heart for me, your mama who loves you more than you could ever possible know.
i could eat you up i love you so!
love,
mom
today you are 4 months old. four months old. i could pour my heart out about how sad this makes me, but i'll spare you the dramatics and just say wow, time flies and yes, it breaks my heart. i wish you could stay a baby forever. i really am so serious.
from the day you came into this world, you have had your mama wrapped around your tiny finger. tears fill my eyes as i look back on the past four months, and think of all the love and light your presence has brought to our home. you are such a ray of sunshine, my sweet sweet boy. what did we ever do without you?
people had me worried about baby #3. the game changer and the big adjustment. that is what everyone said you'd be. i prepared myself for a bumpy ride but it has not been that way at all. as with each baby that joins our family, changes are made to accommodate the newest addition. schedules are moved around, sleep becomes a thing of the past, as does any time for myself. but the sacrifices made pale in comparison to the added measure of love you bring.
as a young girl, i always looked forward to this time in my life. when i would be a young wife and mother, spending my days taking care of babies and raising children. i always assumed it would be the happiest time of my life. and as i sit here, thinking about the happiness you and your brothers bring me, the reality of this time in my life far outweighs those adolescent dreams. i mean, how lucky am i, that all my dreams have come true beyond every expectation?
don't get me wrong, i am usually at my wits end by bedtime every day. i yell way more than i wish i did and on the worst of days i am ready to commit myself to a mental institution. either that or ship your brothers off to a traveling circus. dad said that every time i call him, i spend more time saying "stop that! be quiet! keep your hands to yourself! stop crying! ugghhhhh they are driving me craaaazzzy!" than i do actually talking to him. but in the quiet moments that come and go all too quickly, the spirit calms my heart and reminds me that this is a time in my life that i'll be longing to relive years from now. you are only a baby for a short time, so i am doing all i can to cherish this precious time.
it is no secret to anyone how much i love you. you are the sweetest baby. so good-natured and easy going. when people come over, almost all of them say, "is he always this good?" as long as you aren't too tired or too hungry you are happy as a clam. you remind me so much of finn in that way. you smile at anyone who smiles at you. that reminds me of your big brother sam. you are a mamas boy through and through, and nothing makes me happier. i have always wanted one of those!
at four months old you.....
-sit up well in your bumbo
-laugh when tickled
-nurse every 1.5-2 hours (it's a lucky day if we make it 3) but you are so fast. done in 5 minutes.
-took a bottle like a champ. i have nursed you exclusively your whole life - you had one bottle back in october and another one mid-december and that's it. but lately you've seemed so small to me, and you have been fussier than normal, and never seem satisfied after nursing, which leads me to wonder if you are hungry? so i made you a bottle of formula, just sure you wouldn't take it, especially if i was the one feeding you. but you guzzled it.
-still aren't on a great schedule. getting sick + the holidays + the 4 month sleep regression totally threw you off and we are still trying to figure things out. last night you slept 11 hours but that was the first time in weeks! hopefully we can get things figured out soon.
-are somewhat terrified of sam, but when he is being soft and gentle you love him.
-looooove finn. you just sit and smile and talk to him and it makes my mama heart so happy.
-moved from your rocker by my bedside, to your rocker in my closet, and finally to your crib in your very own room. this was very bittersweet for me, and most nights i long to have you back at my bedside. but none of us were sleeping very well - you were waking up more often than you had been, and i think it's because as you're getting older, you can't block out the sound as well. so even when we were being as quiet as we could be, you'd still wake up ready to party. you have done pretty well in your own room, so that's great. but i do miss you being so close to me at all hours of the day.
-have strong legs, and can stand (while we are holding your hands, of course) for minutes at a time.
-blow lots of bubbles and suck your pointer & middle finger when your binki isn't near by.
-have a firm grip.
-don't love your carseat. you've been the first of my babies that won't sleep in the carseat for hours at a time. this is somewhat of a challenge since we are in and out of the house so much.
-don't love church. haha it is the only time of the week that you get pretty fussy.
-are getting close to rolling from your back to your stomach.
-don't like tummy time.
-like to be swaddled suuuuuuper tight and definitely seem to sleep best that way.
at your doctor appointment today we found out that you are just a tiny little baby, but you are healthy and despite your small size, you are growing beautifully.
weight: 12 lbs 6 oz - 8th percentile
height: 25 inches - 55th percentile
head circ.: i forgot :)
i could eat you up i love you so!
love,
mom
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