this past week has been craaaaazzzy. the aftermath of a party is never as fun as getting ready for it, and this past week in particular sorta gave me a run for my money.
gus' blessing was perfect and went off without a hitch! so much fun having everyone over at our house to celebrate our little man. i still sometimes have to pinch myself when i think about the fact that i have three kids. how did that happen? not literally, geez get your head outta the toilet. no "potty talk" as finn would call it. ;) although there probably are some people who'd argue that maybe we actually don't know how it happens?! insert smiley face crying emoji. ;)
i digress. but like for real, it seems like it was just yesterday i was pregnant with finn, doesn't it? and here we are, four years later with three kids. holy smokes. and this may come out wrong, but sometimes i'm so amazed at how much i love and am loving gus! sounds bad, huh? but i just mean that he's my third boy. you'd think i'd know all there is to know about loving boys and be bored with it by now. but i'm not! i think {most days} i am enjoying him more than i did the other two - and i really reallllllly enjoyed the other two! what can i say, i just love kids. and babies. i cry at the thought that i may only have one more? or maybe not any? i want more, from the bottom of my heart. but i've been loving and enjoying gus so much that it worries me that he's my last. you know, like the lord is helping me get the most out of it since it's the last time i'll do it. :( i sincerely hope and pray daily that's not the case. however, if it is, i am grateful i've enjoyed it as much as i have.
that brings me to another thing that has been on my mind lately - i'm so paranoid. it seems like it's getting worse with age. my dad was so paranoid when i was a kid, and my mom was so easy going. i've always thought i'd be somewhere in the middle. and in some ways i am pretty easy going, but in other ways i so am not, and i definitely find myself worrying about things that i maybe shouldn't. for instance, when i have those thoughts that gus is my last baby, i start thinking about why? i mean, we haven't had any problems conceiving our kids. like zero problems haha. and we both, okay mostly me, want at least one more kid. so why would gus be my last? i always come to the conclusion that i'm gonna get cancer and die or lance is gonna die in a snowmobile accident. ;( these thoughts are debilitating, they are starting to affect my sanity and daily life! i don't know what to do about it. the other day i had cramps all day and immediately my brain goes to "you might have colon cancer." also, we're trying to get gus in his own room and the only room that is available is in the basement, but i'm too scared to let him sleep down there because what if a spider crawled in his mouth and he choked?? i never had paranoid thoughts like this with my other kids. wtf is going on in my head people?!?!
earlier this week we were at dinner with my mom, when she had one of her "choking" episodes. i don't know if you'd call it choking, because i don't think the food actually gets stuck in her throat, but her airway closes off and it's like she can't breath. this happens to her every now and then, and it seems like it has been happening more often lately and getting progressively worse, but it has never been as bad as it was the other night. i was such a wreck! and one of the most important things when it happens is to stay calm but holy freaking shiz balls, how does one stay calm witnessing this?!? i eventually called 911 but only after 25 minutes of waiting for it to pass. why did i wait so long??? it finally passed as i was on the phone with 911 giving them our address. prayers were answered, that's for sure. it was one of the scariest things i've witnessed and left me in a pretty hysterical state. my mom is pretty stubborn and refused to go to the hospital. she promised she would see a doctor about it though, and has an appointment for this week. fingers crossed they can figure out what's wrong and fix it, because i need my mom. at one point that night i yelled at her (when she refused to go to the ER) "YOU ARE ONLY THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF HERE, WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITHOUT MY MOM?? WHAT ARE MY KIDS GONNA DO WITHOUT THEIR GRANDMA?!?" oh man. it was a bad night.
completely unrelated to that event, sam locked us in his bedroom yesterday. insert rosy-cheeked embarrassed emoji. we took off his doorknob the other week when we switched him to a toddler bed. he has been doing fine in his bed, but we still don't trust that he won't come out in the night so we've kept the doorknob off. bad idea. i went in there yesterday to get him ready for a nap. he came running in behind me and slammed the door shut. gus was in his swing downstairs. i tried to stay calm but as soon as i heard gus cry i started panicking. i rolled down sam's window and started calling outside "HELP! HELP! HELLO?? HELP!" haha finally laurie webster came out and answered my cries for help. lol unfortunately all the doors and windows to the house were locked. :( lance was in a movie with finn and wasn't answering the phone. gus' cries were getting louder so i did the only thing left, knelt down and said a prayer. or maybe i just said a silent one? anyhow, i don't know why it was the last thing i did? i should learn by now that it needs to be the first thing i do. but sometimes i feel like i ask for his help too much? like whenever i think to myself "just say a prayer" that thought is quickly followed by "why do you need so much help, can't you figure it out on your own?" as i type that out it's so obvious - the devil is trying to stop my from praying. my testimony of the power of prayer has been strengthened a hundred fold since becoming a mom. so many prayers are answered daily. it's incredible and i'm forever thankful for it. so i said a prayer, then remembered lance saying that if you ever get locked in the room, all you need is a screwdriver to stick in the little hole and it will get you out. well we didn't have a screwdriver in there, but there was this metal ornament thing i made last year, spelling out sam's name. i got that, stuck it in the hole and voila! the door opened. another prayer answered. gus was fine, and sam thought the whole ordeal was hysterical. you can bet i put him to bed immediately after.
as i sit and think about it, i really have grown (in some ways) these past 3 1/2 years because remember when i locked myself out of the house with finn inside when he was a baby? he was a month old i believe and safely buckled in his carseat. and lets not forget that finn was the worlds most chill baby. i somehow locked myself out and my solution for getting inside was to break a window! hahaha in my defense, it was a window with a crack in it that was going to be replaced the next day, but lance almost died of shock when i told him what i did. we still found shards of glass in that room (the office) up until the day we moved. lol. so i'm pretty proud of myself for not resorting to breaking the door this time, although i can't say the thought didn't cross my mind.
the week wasn't all bad though. in fact, i feel in retrospect it is never as bad as it seems at the time and i probably need to learn to get through the bad times without letting it ruin my day. we had some bad moments, yes, but also so many good ones you know? and i do feel like i'm getting better at recognizing that and not letting the down's affect my whole day and outlook. lance surprised me with my christmas present monday morning, which was a great start to the week! a new lap-top! insert a thousand exclamation points. i told him a month or two ago that wanted a laptop because i'm too lazy to sit at the actual computer to blog or do anything that would be easier to do on the computer versus my phone. i seriously never use the computer anymore. partly because it is upstairs, right in between the boys' rooms, and the only time i have to use it is while they're napping and i can't use it then because it might wake them up. also i like to lay in bed while they're napping and catch up on my beauty rest, so basically i just never use it. also, with the internet on my phone, i find myself needing a computer less and less. but one thing i've really missed this past year is documenting our lives. that's the main person of this blag, and i really slacked this year. partly because we were in the middle of building a house and moving and also partly because i was pregnant and lazy. but now that we've moved and i'm not pregnant or as lazy, i decided it was time to be better about writing on here because i know i'll look back and want to remember our days and weeks and the good and the bad and the milestones and memories and events and even just the little day-to-day things that have happened and are happening at this time in our lives. it is such a magical one, and i am absolutely loving being a stay-at-home mom to my three crazy boys. so back to the whole point of this paragraph, lance surprised me with the laptop and look at me, already blogging again! whoop whoop!! needless to say, it was a gooooooood surprise. one of the best. lance was so excited to give it to me, he couldn't even wait til christmas. i'm sure glad he didn't.
also, we celebrated six years of marital happiness on the 10th. crazy we've only been married six years, right? ;) haha in some ways it feels like much longer and in other ways it's gone by in the blink of an eye. it may sound cliche, but i really do feel my love for lance growing with the years. i am grateful for the hard working man he is and for all he does to provide a nice life for me and the boys. we are incredibly blessed, and i am so thankful to my heavenly father for all the work and opportunities for work he has provided lance with these past six years. i'm also thankful for the loving father lance is to our kids. he's their favorite, far and wide. there is no competition really. they just love him so much, and i love seeing their relationships grow and their bonds strengthened. he does so much for us, and i never seem to give him enough credit. we have had our lows, there's no trying to sugar-coat it here, but i feel we have grown stronger each passing year and i hope and pray we will always have the strength and desire to weather the storms life brings. lance is the bees knees, and i'm so grateful to have scored such a keeper!
anyhow, this post has been in terrible form so i'm just going to stop before i add another run on sentence.
goodbye.
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